December
1 - Woken by Sally around 6:30am . . . walked the
woods and back . . . solicitor called asking me to verify my bank
sort code . . . sat around all up tight . .received the estate
agents' account in the mail (apparantly to be paid by my
solicitor). £2,825.88. Definitely OUCH, although in my mind I
have casually discount £5k to cover all the costs/bills and
anything unforseen - so I guess that's 'in budget'! . . . PCd
this waiting for 12:30pm which according to the letter I received
yesterday, is when I'm supposed to ring my solicitor. . .rang
several times only to continually get an ansaphone . . ate a Mum
made sandwich and some sausage rolls before trying to call again
early afternoon. Eventually figured I think I may have been
ringing the wrong number! Got through to the solicitor to simply
be told it had all gone through, completion was done and they'd
written (??) to me. Jumped in the car and raced straight down to
collect the letter. . yep. All done and dusted and all the bills
already deducted from the sale and the remainder apparantly
credited to my account. . did my phone banking only to find no
trace of it!? Eventually spoke to someone and was told it was
there, but wouldn't actually appear in my account until
tomorrow!? . . so, there it is. As quick as that, I am homeless. :o( . . . made a few phonecalls tying up the
loose ends of this and that, like the final meter readings etc.
Ended up on-hold to the gas board for an hour!! Really - on hold
for a minute or two short of a full hour, just to be able to tell
them my final meter reading! Outrageous. It was with some
pleasure that my next phone call was to cancel the monthly direct
debit to them! Ended up with calling and cancelling the house
insurance. . . napped . . walked . . . ate bacon, eggs and beans
with two pieces of bread and butter . . . TVd . . .BB called . .
TVd until bed around midnight or later.
2 - Woken by Sally before 7am . . walked. Walked past the 'tempting' bungalow for sale on the way back and phoned the estate agents number on the for sale sign and arranged a viewing for around 9:45
ate a couple of sausage rolls . . . transferred the house money into my slightly better interest savings account.
walked to the estate agents office in town only to find it was closed!? On a Saturday? How weird.
sat around reading through the
latest free property ads paper. .PCd a bit of this . .walked
3 - . .
walked.
drove with Mum . . Sainsburys dog
food
4 - Woken by Sally around 7am . . walked the
woods. Carried on down into town and went into each of the estate
agents and got myself put on their register and collected a VERY
small handful of available property leaflets. The agent selling
the bungalow down the road with the water pouring into the
entrance porch let me know that they'd had offers OVER the asking
price!! Incredible! . . walked back to Mums via one of the houses
on the leaflets. A 'vacant possession'
up the roads and had a quick detour down a lane running behind one of the other houses that's been for sale since I've been down here. Wow - some of the people in that rank have built enormous garages down that lane. Big enough for me to live in for goodness sake!! . .
drove with Mum to try and have a look at a couple of the houses. The 'nice' one appears to be on what 'I' would imagine is a pretty major road, especially in the summer. A bit of a cut through short cut. On top of that, there was evidence of a potential problem to the render covering the large bay (which I know from what I've seen of such houses is a common and pretty major problem!). So - that ones out. .
walked BGdns in the gale. Walking along the deserted
coastal path in the dark, I didn't spot the thick length of
thorny bramble that had been blown down over the path by the
storm. Got it all hooked into and tearing at my left ear before I
knew what had happened! Bit of a bloody mess! . . ate Mum cooked
roast chicken and chips before back to the cold of the garage to
TV and chain smoke . . . BB called. I dunno - our conversations
seem to have degenerated into daily mutual tales of misery! What
the hell did we both do SO wrong in our former lives - or this
one for that matter?? :o( . . eventually retreated from the cold
and went in to PC property until around midnight. Tossed and
turned with fitful sleep all night.
5 - Woken
earlier by Sally, snoozed on then up around 7:30am . . feel
really down. Very VERY down!! :o( Slow getting going with the
loathsome prospect of having to walk in the wind and rain yet
again. . drove to BGdns for a quick once round (stopping briefly
to hack away the offending bramble with my knife) and then back
to sit in the cold dark garage. Filthy down mood. . .
walked . . didn't feel at all hungry
and told Mum not to bother with anything. . eventually ate a
handful of chocolate biscuits
sat around in the cold of the garage, just trying to make it
through. .
ate bowls of milky brown sugar
(cornflakes) while watching some late night/early morning star
studded film about the slave trade and such. 'Losing it' kinda
day - much.
6 - Up around 7:30am feeling yucky, headachey
and tired after no where near enough sleep . . slow getting
going. Walked the woods and back. Ate a couple of chocolate
muffins with coffee and then sat around watching TV, waiting for
the midday viewing . .at long last, my CCTV videos arrived in the
mail, back from the police. God I feel SO differently about the
police now. I feel they 'abandoned' me when I needed them.
F***ing useless bunch of incompetants. Blimey, I guess me and the
yobs have the same view now!! . . walked down with Mum in a rain
shower to see the house. Nobody there for a while but eventually
the estate agent guy turned up and let us in to wander around. I
dunno. It wasn't no 'show home', 'only' a mid-terrace clinging
onto a hill, big single glazed aluminium bay windows, definitely
smaller than what I've been used to (especially the
kitchen'ette'!), wooden 'sun room' needs knocking down and
rebuilding, but there was something about it that was very
pleasing to me. Certainly 'liveable' as it stands. Plenty of
scope for improving and knocking around and definitely a
potential loft room situation (uggh! Not again!), etc, etc. What
REALLY made me want it, was the long upwardly sloping garden
which leads to an old garage AND a hardstanding next to it
adjacent to an (untarmaced) access lane! How cool would THAT be.
Plenty of precident along that lane for rebuilding the garage
into a much bigger, small 'chalet' sized structure with a proper
pitched roof!! And of course on top of all that, it's in this
area (on the quieter side of town) and on a piece of road that
will see not 'that' much passing traffic and almost zero
pedestrians. In short - I think I'm gonna have to try and go for
it! Mum seemed pretty taken with the place too. .sat and thought
- lots - mentally experimenting with simply living there as is,
and then with possible alterations! I reckon I could make it
work! . . ate Mum made ham and lettuce sandwiches (despite having
no appetite) . . . tried to lay down to sleep off my headache but
just couldn't. My mind was racing and I was feeling really ill!
How are you supposed to make rational calm decisions about such
stuff? I dunno! Oh what the hell. Got back up and debated with
myself, chain smoking in the garage before eventually calling the
estate agent at 4:20pm and clumsily making an offer on the house,
£8k below the asking price. He said he'd put it to the vendor
and get back to me . . seemed like a long wait (a little over
half an hour I think) with the most awful feeling of pressure in
my head, like I was fixing to burst! Very near a full blown panic
attack I guess that was! . . He'd put it to the vendor who had to
discuss it with her husband overnight, so he'd be in contact in
the morning. Ok . . . PCd a bit of this . . .
-/unfinished/-
7 - Woken
by Sally around 6:45am . . . walked to the woods and back . . TVd
waiting for the estate agents call, that never came!! . . .
at just gone 5:30pm the estate agent FINALLY called saying my offer had been refused
walked . . BB called . .ate . . sat
. .slept.
8 - -/unfinished/-
Up around 7:30am . . slow getting going and then walked to the
woods and back. . .agonised, ummd and ahhd and then eventually
called the estate agent and arranged for another viewing of the
house. . walked down with Mum and had another look. It really is
in a pretty poor condition! VERY bouncy back room floor - and not
much better in the front bedroom, and all SO small! I still want
it though. I want me a piece of this down here!
ate Mum made chips with spam and
peas . . . TVd in the cold of the garage . . . BB called . . TVd
until into the warm around 10pm and bed shortly after.
9 - Woke
earlier then up just before 7am . . walked to the woods and sat
around for ages (until my backside was as cold as the stone I was
sat on - again!). Very chilly (only 6 degrees above freezing) but
a clear, eventualy sunny morning. . exchanged a word with the
'breakfast club' dogwalker guys, who always seem to congregate
under the roof in BGdns talking about Tvs and DVDs and similar
'guy' stuff. I think one of those guys doesn't even have a dog,
but turns up there every morning anyway! Got the lowdown on
whether or not Mum may get away with keeping her TV aerial inside
her attic when it all goes digital. Looks like it 'may' be
possible which should please her . Very tempting to go buy a
cheap digibox from the supermarket, just to test it all out. .
sat around waiting for the estate agent to call. Mum was on the
phone when he did, so I replied to his ansaphone message. The
house vendor had once again refused my offer, and had now come
back with THEIR figure, which was almost the full asking price
for goodness sake!!!! B******s! :o( . ummd and ahhd for a while
before calling the estate agent back with another offer, just a
little higher than split the difference. . waited for the call
back with their response. Suprised me that their response was,
'no - we are sticking to our price'! Well - there it is then. I
guess that's black and white enough for me. :o( I really don't
think it's worth that much in the current market place, requiring
as much work as it does (and that is before I've even seen the
horrors a survey may reveal). Nowhere near it. I could definitely
get a far far better house for that money. No question about it.
BUT - I'm not like the rest of the world am I! With the exception
of dreaming of getting a fully detached house, that one 'ticks
most of my boxes', and maybe even has a box ticked that I never
particularly envisaged. It really IS true when they say
'location, location, location', and MY requirements of a
'location' are uniquely specific to ME(and Sally) given
everything I've been through. Sooo - does it actually matter what
the house is 'worth'? What is it worth to ME? What should I do?
What should I do? What should I do? ARRRGGGGGHHHH!!! Yes - I
could get a MUCH better house for that money somewhere else, but
all things considered, it'll be either somewhere I know don't
want to be, or somewhere I simply don't know at all! So - in the
full knowledge I'd be paying over the actual value of the house,
is it worth that much to me??? What good did all that scrimping
and saving to keep my savings in the bank, do me in the past? It
didn't protect me from what happened did it. Better to be
'content' (as much as I imagine I ever can now be) and penniless,
rather than otherwise and financialy 'safe'ish? . . MUCH trying
to work things out . . . eventually called the estate agent back
and said ok - it's a deal at the price they'd said. A couple of
phone calls back and forth and the sale was agreed, subject to
survey. I'll start the running around to get solicitors and
surveyors etc. on Monday. So - I have something to aim towards.
'House of Horrors' #2? :o( . . PCd a bit of this, as has become
usual every day of late, feeling headachey, kinda dizzy, a bit
nauseaus and really actually pretty ill. If I can stand it (and
I'm actually not sure I can!) I'm going to assume it is simply
the stress of what I'm going through, and try and hold out from
seeing a doctor until after it's all over. I don't think having
access to a bunch of medication would be a good idea right now! .
. .ate sausage rolls and spam and lettuce sandwiches with crisps
before laying down for a nap. . woken by Sis1 leaving an
ansaphone message for Mum . . Sis2 called to touch base . . .
only three degrees above zero in the garage! I really don't feel
well . . PCd a bit more of this but I'm finding it so, SO
difficult to keep this going. Just can't see the point in it
anymore. I've much more important stuff to worry about filling my
every thought. Hell - I'm even mentally starting the building
work on the house I haven't bought yet!! . . .walked as the
temperature hovered just above zero. Even saw a council
gritter-lorry pass by! Very clear night across the bay with all
the lights twinkling in the distance, and a cold star filled sky
close by above. . . awkwardly ate a Mum microwaved cottage pie
thingy (actually rather yucky) while talking to BB who decided to
call just as it was put on the table in front of me! . . coffee
and biscuits . . TVd in the garage until I was frozen and then a
bit more in the bedroom before sleep around 11:30pm
10 - Woken
just after 6am by a dream! (In the dream, Mum was telling me, just for
information, someone had been kidnapped!??) . .suprisingly warmer than last night.
Weird how quickly the weather can change like that down here
(back up to 8 degrees) . . walked to the woods for much sitting
around and then carried on down to the beach and allowed Sally to
have a swim before heading back via the woods. Bit of a shower of
rain before reaching BGdns for some more sitting overlooking the
bay. Dare I start to relax a little and think I may actually be
able to buy that house - and even be able to afford to live in it
for a while before having to get some work, if I do? I just can't
let myself get all excited about the prospect (like Mum seems to
be), lest it should all fall through. Nevertheless - I can't help
it - I AM starting to REALLY want it! Imagine THAT being Sally's daily
walk! Very cool! . . TVd in the garage before succumbing to the
cold and retreating in to PC just a bit of this . . persuaded Mum
to show me where the nearest Argos store is. Left Sally at home
and drove to Torquay with Mum. Busy BUSY place! Seemed like a
REALLY big place - even bigger in feel to me than the centre of
Bristol, although maybe that's just because I've been 'hiding
away' for so long now. Looked like the local bikers were doing a
'toy run' with a big group of them tinseled up, revving and
honking their way through town . . Went in Argos, looked through
the catalogue at the cheapest of the digital Freeview TV boxes
(damn - the one I fancied was out of stock), and arbitrarily
decided on the cheap Wharfedale DV832BN to test out Mums aerial
("Don't worry. I'll make use of it somewhere come what
may.") Mum insisted on paying for it!!! . did a brief tour
of the charity shops (for Mum. I've no interest because I have no
home in which to put anything I may have ordinarily been tempted
to buy!) before getting back to the car within the hour of
parking that was allowed on that particular street . . . within
minutes of getting back, the set top box was plugged in and
proved to be working, 'mostly' ok-ish on Mum's in-attic aerial!
Result. :o) Some of the channels eventually turned out to be a
bit twitchy and low on signal, and bizarrely variable with the
weather conditions (!!!????) but 'most' (certainly the 'main'
five and all the BBC channels) were watchable. I think in the
fullness of time, a slightly higher gain antennae in the attic
would improve things, when she finally HAS to change over, but of
course she insists "Not now! Not with all 'this' going
on!". Yeah, I guess I can understand that. . . ate Mum made
sandwiches with crisps . . napped . . couldn't face the walk in
the wet and wind (yet again!) and drove Sally in the car to BGdns
for a very quick once round . . .ate Mum made corned beef, chips
and peas . . . BB called . . TVd - channels.
:o) . . to bed around 11:30pm.
11 - Up
around 7am . . . More wind and rain. Drove to BGdns for a once
round walk. Something 'weird' and out of place was laying on the
grass near one of the hedges, not far from the water's edge.
Turned out to be a medium sized white ceramic pot with a floral
design on two sides!? Picked it up and had a closer look and at
the writing beneath the glaze on the underside. Blimey - how
weird. It was a pet cremation urn (empty thankfully)! How bizarre
to just leave that laying on the grass like that. Placed it on
one of the benches and left it behind . . Called a few surveyors
getting quotes and info. All around the same £500 price. .
phoned the same solicitor I used to sell my house and started the
ball rolling for buying a house. I 'may' have got the wrong end
of the stick, but for some reason he seemed to be advising me to
wait until he'd started the legal process, before getting a
survey done. . . messed around with Mums illuminated doorbell
button and managed to remove the blown lamp from inside. Put
three new plastic 'caps' on the screws holding the back door
step, cosmetic plastic cover in place. .Walked with Sally to the
small local hardware store in search of a replacement doorbell
bulb (actually looks more like a fuse) but they had none. . .ate
corned beef and lettuce sandwiches with crisps . . .Couldn't
figure out why the solicitor had said I should wait for the
survey (unless it was to ensure he had his 'pound of flesh' out
of me?) and eventually phoned a surveyor and managed to get a
survey scheduled for Thursday pm . . . tidied up a bit of
paperwork . . . PCd a bit of this . . . napped . . .walked. It
was a particularly clear sky out across the dark of the bay
again. For at least the second time since I've been down here,
looking somewhere south I saw a shooting star again, going down
into the east. This one was rather less 'fleeting' and more firey
as it streaked across the sky. Made me feel very small. Amazing
thing to consider. In the vastness of time and space, some piece
of rock from who knows where had been aimlessly drifting along,
acted on her and there by the gravitational forces of different
indifferent bodies, and then ultimately purely by infinate
chance, ended its days there in front of me and was absorbed into
the Earth. We are not so very different I think. . . ate Mum
cooked cheese omlette with four pieces of bread and butter. BB
called as I ate. . . TVd/PCd until bed shortly after midnight
12 - Up
around 7am . . .walked the woods . . . sat around/TVd . .received
a letter in the mail from the estate agent, containing a
Memorandum Of Sale Agreed (subject to contract). Rang them up to
correct my middle initial which they'd got wrong! . . felt
strangely absolutely starving! That little omlette thingy last
night was NOT enough! . Ate (early) Mum made beans on four toast
with grated cheese and then some biscuits . . napped . . Sis1
called to touch base with Mum. Apparantly not only has she
invited Mum (and me) up for Christmas day (I'll have to do the
driving - so my Christmas day, which is going to be particularly
miserable and difficult for me anyway, is going to be little more
than a marathon five hours of driving! Way to go to make it
UTTERLY shit!), but she is also planning that her and all that
side of the family will be coming down between Christmas and the
new year to visit - "and we could all go an' see 'Terry's'
house"!!!! Oh jeeze - no! The prospect of being trapped here
without escape and having absolutely no choice but to have to
endure 'company' in my current state of mind, was 'difficult' to
contemplate and saw my fragile mood take an immediate nose dive!
:o( . . .walked. Sat around at length, trying to work out some
means of escape. . ate meat sandwiches and then a choc ice . .
TVd . . BB called . . .TVd until bed around midnight. s
13 - Up
around 7am . . .walked the woods . . . sat around/TVd . .received
surveyor and solicitor letters in the mail requiring signatures
etc. . checked my bank balance and then wrote out the solicitor
preliminary funding cheque of £275 . . ate Mum made meat
sandwiches with crisps . . . walked with Sally (past the house -
now showing 'Sale Agreed' on the sign!) down to hand deliver the
letters (once I'd found the surveyors office, in a small side
door then up a flight of stairs above the high street HSBC). .
walked back through town and round the harbor. The old homeless
lady I've seen around about on a couple of occasions now, was
lead asleep on the ground by the harbor wall, near the huts where
holiday makers can book up boat trips! Sadness - more than I may
have experienced just a few long months ago. Wonder what her
story is? . .returned after sits at BGdns for smokes. . . napped
. . . all drove to BGdns to walk. Gave Mum the opportunity to see
some of the rediculously over the top expensive lights and
decorations that a few local nutters have absolutely covered
their houses and gardens with. Must cost a fortune, never mind
the electric bill! Those large, electric fan inflated fragile in
the wind characters seem to be all the rage this year. Wonder
what that homeless lady feels when SHE sees them? Does she feel
like crying in self pity too, or is that just me? . showed Mum
the pet cremation ceramic urn I'd told her about, that was still
intact under one of the seats. How many days has that been there
now? Back 'home' in Bristol, that would have been smashed for the
sake of it, within hours of its first appearance. THAT is a small
but eloquant measure of how different it is down here (in the
winter at least). . ate Mum made cold chicken and stuffing slices
with peas and chips and then a couple of chocolate muffins with
coffee, and a choc ice later. . BB called . . TVd/PCd . .
couldn't get to sleep until after 1:30am!
14 - Woken
by Sally earlier then eventually up around 7:30am . . .walked the
woods . . . sat around/TVd. Seem to be in a bit of a state
moodwise. . back trying to sleep before midday,(involuntarily trying to work out in
my mind if a hosepipe inserted in a car exhaust pipe would
benefit from a Hoselock fitting, for a tighter fit and to prevent
melting! All depends on the relative diameters. Even then, there
were other things to ponder such as what length of pipe to use,
and whereabouts in the car to put the open end for best effect
and so the noise wouldn't be too irritating above the stereo!!!!
Lot of hassle - would require a rehearsal! lol.) . . ate Mum made chicken and stuffing slice
sandwiches with crisps before back to lay down . . . napped until
around 3:30pm when woken all aching neck, from an unusually vivid
and recalled-in-detail, dream/nightmare! (In the dream I was talking to the
owner of a house I was going to buy, explaining the circumstances
of what had happened to me in the past and why I was there buying
it. The house was on a horrible, busy, traffic lighted
crossroads. I left by riding off on my little old red, Honda 400
with the loud straight through slash cut exhausts. As I drove
along, a team dressed in whites was playing cricket next to the
road. One of the players hit out at me with his gloved hand as I
passed. I stopped, dumped the bike and returned to confront him
and ended up in a fight. I fully expected the rest of his team to
join in and give me a good beating, but suprisingly they didn't,
because they apparantly thought he was a bit of an a**hole as
well. I woke . .) Lay on
the bed for another half an hour or so, only to end up torturing
myself by going over the events which lead up to my leaving my
home. Avoid those
thoughts and emotions!! Suppress them quick - bury them deep down
inside!!!!!! Feel as though
I'm losing my mind! :o( . . PCd a bit of this until around 6:30pm
and walk time . . .walked. Chatted quite a bit with the 'tax man'
dog walker guy who I've not seen there for a while (about the new
central heating boiler he's having put in. ££££ Ouch!! Of
interest because I'll want to replace the old fashioned one in
the house I'm hoping to buy, but based on what he said it was
costing him, I don't think I'll be able to afford to!! :o( ). .BB
called . . .ate Mum oven-heated cottage pie ready meal and then
some jam and cream on scones . . .TVd . . more discussion with
Mum about Sis1s Christmas plans of her and all that side of the
family intending to come down a day or so after christmas (with
the 'obligitory' going out for a meal etc, etc). It's no good -
it's just not something I can easily face at the moment, and it
rather seems as though Mum feels the same. I just can't bear the
thought of being 'forced' to be around people right now. At the
best of times I usually try and hide away at Christmas and deal
with 'my depressive stuff' in the only way I know how - in
solitude. I can't even do THAT now! This is absolute f***ing
agony for me. I just need to hide away and pretend all this
Christmas stuff (and life in general!) isn't happening. I just
can't handle it 'emotionally'. With Mum seemingly in a similar
mood about things, I grabbed the bull by the horns and rang Sis1
and told her to 'leave me out of' her plans. (Terrible awkward
call to make. I don't want to upset her, but I'm just NOT able to
engage in her festive cheer get together. I don't think she
(anyone) can possibly understand how it feels at this time of
year to suddenly find your life in ruins like I do. It's
devastating. Utterly, UTTERLY devastating - and having other
people around, getting on with their own relatively ok lives
(inevitably talking about 'petty nonsense') is 'difficult' to say
the least.) Mum eventually joined in the call and explained that
them all coming down this year was not a good time for her
either. Inevitably ended the call feeling as though Sis1 was
deeply hurt and that I was simply spreading my own misery around
everyone I have contact with!!! Oh god how I want to have my own
place again. I want to be hidden away somewhere, on my own, SO
bad it hurts! :o( . . TVd until bed around midnight.
15 - Up
around 7:30am . . .walked the woods. The little band of dog
walker guys were assembled talking about utter piffle, like tea
bags and how they couldn't possibly make a decent cup of tea in
the cup, blah, blah, blech! . . sat around/TVd headachey again.
.PCd this . .ate a cold pastie, crisps and biscuits for lunch.
.napped until around 5pm . . quickly messed around with a
screwdriver set and fitted the new doorbell lamp which Mum had
managed to get from a shop down town. Funny thing as I opened the
front door to start unscrewing the bellpush, a police car was
parked right outside, across and blocking the open gated
driveway!? Pretty rare thing to see one at the best of times, and
even more so around here. Wonder what that was about? He drove
off pretty soon after. . Successfully fitted the new bell push
lamp to Mums delight. Had a bit of a laugh about it being our
Christmas lights display! lol . . had a play around with my VCR
I'd brought in from the cold damp garage the other day to
acclimatise. Eventually steeled myself (I've been working up to
it for days) and watched the CCTV videos from the 6th of October
the police had finally returned to me. Upsetting - but I watched
them. The bricking of my car was pretty much as I remembered it.
The earlier 'mob' incident actually looked slightly 'less' on the
video than my mind suggests it was - but I guess living through
it is something else altogether isn't it. Still amazes me how the
whole street just 'looked the other way' with all that going on.
. added a couple of screen captures to my journal and hood page,
but they really are almost completely useless, and certainly
don't convey the smallest part of what all that felt like. I
still fantasise about acts of revenge. A few bricks through the
windows of Lee Boyce's house/vehicles in the early hours of
Christmas morning seems like a suitably seasonal idea at the
moment. lolol All a bit pointless though I guess. What's done is
done. The 'bad guys' come out on top, yet again! :o( . . called
away from the PC by Mum, concerned that the doorbell was making a
buzzing noise!!!!!!!!! Took everything apart again before
concluding that it was simply a bit of (understandable?) mains
hum vibration from the plastic bell housing that wasn't screwed
particularly tightly to the hall wall. . . all walked to BGdns.
Walking in the dark towards the steps back up to the top, we were
both shocked to suddenly hear a voice in front of us!! Turned out
to be some drunk guy laying on the floor. He assured us he was
ok, so we left him laying there, after suggesting the gun
emplacements a bit further on were a far better place to have a
sleep. . ate mum oven-cooked monkfish with peas and chips, and
then a couple of jam and cream scones . . . BB called . . . PCd a
bit of this . . TVd until bed around midnight. as
16 - Woken
earlier by Sally and then up around 7am . .wow. Last night the
temperature in the garage was a positively balmy 12 degrees C -
this morning only a few hours later it is down to 3 degrees!! . .
.walked the woods . .sat around/TVd/PCd this . letter in the mail
from the solicitor confirming receipt of my cheque . .ate a
sausage roll and Mum made chicken and salad sandwiches with
crisps . . napped until woken by BB calling early somewhere
around 5pm . .walked. Saw another shooting star as I sat on one
of the benches for cigarette #1. Chatted to the taxman guy again,
who turned up as I sat under the roof smoking some more, and
keeping watch for more shooting stars. Way off across the bay my
attention was drawn by what I assumed was the police helicopter
(although I think it is a different model than back in Bristol -
seems much louder!). The helicopter appeared to be following the
coast right around the bay until it passed overhead and carried
on. A short time later, someone came wandering up to where we
were talking, with a very large bright 'nightsun' flashlight. It
was a policeman. Turns out they were all out searching for
someone aged 34 called John, who was wearing camouflage combat
trousers, was out somewhere on the coastal path between here and
there - and was threatening to slash his wrists!! Bizarre! Why
does everyone down this way apparantly threaten to commit suicide
by calling the police first? Why don't they just go off quietly
and DO it, like 'normal' people? Whoever this John guy was, he
sure was worth an awful lot of effort by an awful lot of people.
. . TVd . . ate Mum made ham and salad sandwiches with crisps . .
TVd/PCd until bed around 12:45am.
17 - Woken
earlier by Sally and then up around 7am again . . .walked the
woods . .sat around/TVd . . cut my hair . . PCd just a bit of
this . . ate a cold chicken and mushroom pastry slice, some
cheese with pickled onions and some crisps . .napped but only
managed half an hour or so before being woken by the phone
ringing for Mum. . tried real hard but just couldn't get back to
sleep. . TVd eating biscuits . . walked. . . ate ham and salad
sandwiches, crisps, banana, . . BB called . . .TVd until bed
around 11pm.
18
- Up around 7:30am . . . walked a little late
after the rain . . . TVd watching a lot of the news channel about
an arrest in connection with the five Suffolk murders . .rang the
surveyor to find out what was going on. The woman on the phone
had just started typing it up and said she'd be writing to me
with the bill today (gotta' pay for it before I get the actual
report) . .balanced my accounts - well, almost! Bit chaotic
waiting for final debits and such . . . ate corned beef
sandwiches with crisps . . . napped . . . walked . . BB called.
Not a very happy birthday for her, and I'm in no position to make
it any happier! :o( . . ate Mum microwaved beef curry with four
pieces of bread and butter . . . TV/PCd until bed around
midnight.
19 - Up
after 7:30am . . . walked. . . sat around waiting for the post
which didn't turn up, while Mum went to the local neighbourhood
watch christmas coffee morning! . .eventually Mum returned - with
the mail!? Apparantly they'd dragged the postman in to their xmas
get together and plied him with glasses of wine, and she'd got
the mail from him in the process! . walked with Sally straight
down town to withdraw a cheque from the building society (that
pretty much empties THAT account then! :o( )and then in to the
surveyors office to settle the £499.38) account. Apparantly the
actual surveyors report won't be available until Friday!!?? Asked
them to ring me so I could go and collect it rather than delay
things still further by having it posted. Can't understand why it
has to take SO long, just to type it up! Grrr . .back via the
harbor and BGdns . . ate corned beef sandwiches with crisps . .
napped - woken by the phone ringing - napped some more until
around 5pm but woke with the same nasty agonising headache!
Sucked annadin tablet with coffee . . walked headachey. Passed a
gritter lorry on the way home. . ate chicken and stuffing slices
with peas and chips . . BB called. . . TVd until bed around
11:30pm.a
20 - Up
after 7:30am. Below freezing this morning! . . walked on frost. .
. sat around . .drove with Mum to try and find a big pet supplies
store like I'm more used to. One of the dog walker guys had given
me some directions to an out of town place a few miles away, and
after driving around a bit we found it. Stocked up on a 17kg sack
of Pal Complete (£17.99) and 24 tins of Winalot (£10.76) to see
me through the shopping nightmare 'season'. (Mum had never seen a
pet food superstore before and felt obliged to buy me an
expensive German Shepherd calendar 'to hang in my new house'!!!!!
What house?!!? :o( ) Queues of traffic were all lined up going in
all the other stores and supermarkets and neither Mum nor I
wanted to get involved in all that unpleasantness, so we ended up
coming straight back home . . ate Mum made beef sandwiches with
crisps . . . TVd . . napped . . . walked . . just about to sit
down and eat Mum cooked steak and kidney pies, peas and chips
when Sis2 called from the bus station a few miles away!! She'd
flown in and was just about to get on a bus and would be here
within half an hour! I would have gone and picked her up if I'd
known! Blimey - how on earth did she miss all that chaos at the
airports caused by all the fog cancellations? . Just finishing
eating when she arrived . . . BB called. . . chats/TVd until bed
after midnight. Sis2 had to sleep on the couch in the living
room!! Mum's 'youth hostel' is getting full!!
21 - Woken
in the night on more than one occasion by the sound of cats
fighting! . . up around 7:30am. -1.5C Brrrr. . walked the woods
and back . . TVd in the garage. . drove down to the petrol
station and filled the car up before the usual Christmas rush
(19.33ltrs @ £17) and bought a couple of cans of Red Bull (on
offer 2 for £2). I'm gonna 'have' to 'do' Christmas day at Sis1s
now aren't I, now all the family are assembled, and since I have
the transport to drive Mum and Sis2 up there. I'm really not in
the mood, not least of all because I don't want to feel all
guilty about being a damper on everyone elses spontanious
seasonal gaeity. Guess we'll have to drive by my old house too
while we're up there. So - that's MY Christmas day all mapped out
- around five hours of driving and the remainder all up tight and
uncomfortable. :o( . . .PCd a bit of this . . . ate chicken and
stuffing slice sandwiches with crisps . . . napped . .walked . .
ate Mum made sandwiches and crisps . .BB called . . TVd . . to
bed after 12:30am. s
22 - Broken,
dream laden sleep then up around 6:20am . . . walked. . sat
around mostly in the garage. .the woman from the surveyor's
office phoned saying that the survey wasn't 'quite' ready yet,
but what she could do is drop it by later, because she'd be
delivering some cards in this part of town. Goodo. . . Sis2
wanted to go walk somewhere, so I went with her, took Sally, and
showed her my usual, morning, through the woods and back circuit
. . ate Mum made ham sandwiches and crisps . . napped . .
the RICS survey was delivered by the woman from the office
immediately set about chain smoking in the garage while nervously reading through the survey. A bunch of stuff WAS highlighted as in need of action, but with only one or two exceptions it was all stuff I could plainly see for myself. In fact pretty much the only stuff which was 'news' was regarding his inspection of the attic, and that was purely because I'd not had a chance to inspect that for myself. In short - I reckon I wasted my money on having the surveyor inspection!
-/Unfinished/-
walked and sat around on various
seats in BGdns for ages trying to be 'rational' about the
contents of the survey. Am I really supposed to get buiders in to
someone elses house to give me quotes on the required works (much
of which I could do myself and much of the rest not being
immediately necessary) and then try and haggle them down on the
price? Is that how it works? No - I can't handle that! You know -
I think I'm gonna just ignore it and carry on regardless!!! . .
BB called . . . ate pastie and crisps and then some jam and cream
scones . . . TVd until bed around midnight. s
23 - Up
after 7:30am . . . walked . . .sat around feeling rather down . .
.PCd and reinstated part of my website in it's rightful place,
pretty much curtailing it as of 6th October (with the exception
of making it clear I was no longer in 'my' house!) , so that
'whoever', knows what occurred. If they bump into it, I guess
that will fill the local yobs of Speedwell and Lee Boyce with
glee - that they succeeded in getting what they wanted and ruined
my life (and BBs? and Mums?) - so - I guess that is my 'glad
tidings and Christmas gift' to them. :o(. . . ate ham sandwiches
with crisps . . . napped as Mum and Sis2 were chatting on the
phgone with Sis1. By the time I'd woken up later, it was agreed
that we wouldn't be going up to Sis1's on Christmas day (I think
largely because Sis1 wanted a nice happy festive time - and we
aren't!) . .BB called . . walked . .sat around feeling rather
down. . .PCd and recorded a BBC 'listen again' program on Johnny
Mathis which Mum had missed the other night. Succeeded in making
the recording and transferring it to my MP3 player for Mum to
listen to when she wants . .ate a chicken and mushroom pastry
slice with crisps . . chats/TVd until bed around 1am. Couldn't
sleep and tossed and turned until gone 2am.s
24 - Woken
by Sally before 7:30am . . walked headachey. . TVd/sat
around/crunched annadins. . .ate . sandwiches and crisps . . TVd
. .set Mum up with the MP3 player to listen to her missed radio
show . . TVd ('Turner and Hooch' and 'Uncle Buck' - aGAIn!) . . .
walked . . BB called . . .ate ham sandwiches and mince pies . .
to bed around 11pm.aaa
25 - Woken
by Sally before 7:30am . .Christmas day huh? Well - I guess I
made it this far! 'Ho,
ho, ho' - F*** ***!. .
walked . .Mum had left a card and a "Bah Humbug"
emblazened santa type hat on my chair in the garage for when I
returned! . . TVd/sat around/PCd this and generally kept out of
the way as Mumm had a go at doing a Christmas dinner for us all.
First major 'cook' she's done for years apparantly. Turned out
really well - especially the roast potatoes. Ate far too much and
then a huge dish of cream covered pudding. . just HAD to go and
lie down, and ended up napping for a few hours. Boy did I eat too
much!!!! . . . all walked . .BB called . . ate a bunch of
chocolate biscuits and chocolate . . . PCd/TVd until bed, long
after 1am. James Brown died this day - "Eeeowww. - I feel dead - I knew that I
would now."ds
26 - Woken
late by Sally around 8am! . . .walked. Missed all the action
while I was out. Apparantly the police (lots of them) were called
to one of the houses opposite, neighbours were coming and going,
and an ambulance drove by but didn't stop!? A single old lady
living alone apparantly. Wonder if THAT house'll be up for sale
soon? That's how it seems to go down here. There's a really nice
house up the road which will soon probably be up for an executor
sale, the old guy having recently died. . .TVd while Mum pretty
much did a welcome re-run of yesterdays dinner. Very welcome,
abut suffered the rest of the day with day two of obscene
overeating. Drank a glass of wine with the meal and then napped
the rest of the afternoon away . . . walked . . .TVd . . BB
called . . TVd . . ate a couple of sausage rolls and some
chocolate at allmost midnight! . . . TVd until bed around 2am. ds
27 - Up
around 7:45am . . walked . . .went to the local store and bought
some superglue and had a go at sticking my broken torch back
together. I'd dropped it a while ago and the plastic screw on end
bit was all snapped and ready to completely fall apart. It's
remarkable how impenatrable the darkness down in BGdns can be on
some nights, depending on how clear the sky is. There are times
when it really would be impossible to walk around there at night
without a torch! . Fingers crossed - the gluing 'may' work ok for
a while. . ate sausage rolls and crisps . .napped . . .walked . .
BB called . . ate ham sandwiches with crisps and then a bunch of
chocolate biscuits and chocolate covered raisins. . President
Gerald Ford died this day.
28 - Broken
sleep and then up around 7:30am. Felt 'heady' and a bit unwell -
and VERY down!! . .walked . . sat around (and then actually back
to bed to lay around unable to sleep) in a desperately black
mood!! :o( . .PCd a little . . eventually ate ham sandwiches,
crisps and chocolate biscuits . . . napped. . . walked . . BB
called . . sat around in the garage finding nothing but utter,
UTTER mindless piffle on the TV and eventually ended up turning
it off and just sitting in the quiet, with just the sounds of the
wind and the town's far off church bells for company. Weird
hearing those church bells like that a couple of times every
week. Evocative of an 'England' I once knew, but with its passing
have long since forgot. Sad sounds. . Ended up delving into one
of the last bin bags I filled when I was clearing out 'at home',
into which I threw all the old charity shop books I'd collected
up over the years and hadn't got round to reading. Ended up
reading a bit of the first chapter of 'Social Psychology - The
Second Edition' by Roger Brown. Strangely enjoyable. The lack of
incessantly re-occurring loud adverts for sofas at massive sale
discount prices, perhaps? . . . PCd a bit of this . . .ate bowls
of corn flakes . . TVd ('Ronin' - again)/read a bit more before
bed around 1:30am or later. s
29 - Up
around 7:45am. Uggh. The bad weather they've been forcasting
seems to have arrived. BIG wind and rain. . walked in all my wet
weather gear, but got absolutely drenched nonetheless! The worst
thing about such weather is the wind. Walking back along a
certain part of my 'usual' walk route, is always difficult and
energy sapping in the strong wind. Imagine how bad that would be
in remote parts of Scotland and the Western Isles - and there,
more often than not!!!! No - I think the 'reality' of living in
such places would be too hard for me to bear. It would also
'lock' me in to having to have and use a car. My utterly bleak
future where all my savings have gone into a new house, will mean
being able to afford to run a car, is gonna be unlikely. :o( . .
. ate Mum made corned beef sandwiches with crisps . . napped . .
drove to walk, but thought becasue I was driving there, I
wouldn't bother wearing my waterproof leggings. Got absolutely
drenched! . . .ate Mum made sausage, beans and chips . . . TVd
until bed.
30 - Up
around 7:30am. . . walked. Actually quite pleasant out after last
nights storms. Sat around for ages in the sunny spells .
.eventually returned to Mums only to find that she'd discovered
her fridge had stopped working!! . as I made my way back out to
the garage I spotted a poor greenfinch all spreadeagled laying on
the grass!!? It was apparantly still alive, but defintely not
very well. Carefully scooped it up out of Sally's reach (although
she hadn't even noticed it) and put it up on the bird table to
either recover or die. C.S.I. type careful inspection of the
living room double glazed window revealed traces of disturbance
in the rain dust and one little green feather. Mum's had birds
crash into that window before. I suspect it was the sudden
appearance of Sally and I coming round the corner of the house,
which startled the feeding birds and had that one panic and crash
into the glass! :o( It sat on the bird table for quite a while,
looking as though it was going to die from either shock or
concussion, but then all of a sudden it was gone! So, hopefully
it was ok. .all the stuff from the fridge was put in Mums bedroom
(which she keeps pretty damn cold at the best of times) to be
eaten up before it goes off, and the milk was given a new home in
a bucket of water outside on the step in the garden by the back
door (a real pain every time you want to make a coffee)! Mum was
suprisingly calm about this 'emergency' (it's happened before but
was luckily only the thermostat) and made much reference to how
when she was a child living on a farm during the war, they didn't
have fridges, drew drinking water from a slug infested well, etc,
etc. She rang up some electrician guy she's used before and
booked an appointment for him to come over to have a look at the
fridge and see if it's repairable. He said he'd be here midday
Tuesday. .ate corned beef sandwiches with crisps . . . napped . .
. walked and found 7p. . . ate sausages, beans and eggs with two
pieces of bread and butter. . BB called . . . TVd/read until bed
around 1am. Saddam Hussein was 'put to death' this day! I found
the almost 'light hearted' news-reporting frenzy on the story,
sickening. Much to say on this, - how he shouldn't have ended
like 'that', no matter what his crimes - how the English and
Americans have much blood on our hands - lies - greed -
corruption - blah, blah, blah, - but I just can't be assed to
type it all. Out
damn spot. Will these hands ne'er be clean. No
pride in being 'English' any more, at all, is there. s
31 - Woke
earlier, snoozed on then up around 7:30am. . .walked. Chatting
with a couple of dog walkers I mentioned how Mums frdige had
broken. One of them offered to let me have a small fridge she was
getting rid of! I thanked her but declined, knowing that Mum
would absolutely NOT want someone's old fridge. .damn, damn,
damn, damn, damn!! If only there was soemwhere to put it, I would
have had that! Sooner or later that is one of the first things
I'm going to have to go out and buy 'if'/when I get a home. :o( .
.eventually back to Mums and very rapidly confirmed she would not
have wanted that fridge as predicted. . TVd. . ate spam
sandwiches with crisps and then a little chocolate . . .napped .
. .walked and saw a shooting star again. . BB called . . TVd . .
touched base with BB . . Had intended to maybe see in the new
year at BGdns overlooking the bay, but it was just too windy and
chilly for comfort, and I couldn't face walking all the way down
there yet again . . .joined Mum and Sis2 inside to see in the new
year in front of the TV. Drank half a mug of wine. Really pissed
off. Really impressive fireworks in London. sds
^Top