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November
01 - Woken up by Sally at 7am. Walked in the rainy showers. The whole neighbourhood appeared to be covered in a layer of broken eggs and tomatoes from last night's unpleasant nonsense! I'm nothing more than just a small ingredient in some monsterous omlette! Found a refillable lighter (dropped by someone setting off fireworks in the night). Unusually I actually kept for salvage, the small collapsable umbrella someone had discarded, broken by the wind. There was actually nothing wrong with it more than a couple of broken pieces of thread, which my sewing box, and going to the bother, would soon put right. The next thing I found was yet ANOTHER kitchen knife dropped in the grass!!!!!!!!!!! A white handled thing, eight and a half inches long with a serated blade! I dunno - seems like a weird choice of knife to be carrying around in case of trouble. Surely a deep, sharp 'stabber', with a retrackable blade is more the sort of thing you want? Well - that's the type I always used to carry on my belt when I was younger!!!!!!!!!!!! Actually - on reflection - I guess it depends on what you're trying to do with it. I s'pose 'serating' someone isn't actually quite as bad as killing them is it!!!? In the bottom of a nearby bin, into which I was putting the miniature wine bottles I'd found strewn all around in the grass, there was the heavy end of a broken off pool cue!! Further round the field was a narrow piece of scaffold type iron bar. Seems like a lot of people were 'tooled up' for a 'ruck' last night!!! :o( The pumpkin halloween mask laying there, kinda summed it all up. Strange collection to walk home with. Gonna have to make another trip to the police station with the knife some time I guess. Weird how that lighter and knife 'match'!? There ya go - ANOTHER millionaire making idea for someone. Boxed gift sets of matching 'Yob Kit'. The perfect gift for the yob in your life - a gift wrapped matching set of designer disposable refillable lighter, enameld skunk tin, pocket bong, throwing rock, hip flask, 'The Little Book of Swear Words, And How To Abuse Them', mobile phone pouch with double stitched ASBO display window, and a quality sheffield stainless steel disfiguring knife - for those awkward little antisocial moments. :o) . . . PCd a little of this until it was time to head for Sally's 10:30 vet appointment. .walked up to the vet with Sally and got there a little early. Eventually called in to the examination room, helped by the vet to lift Sally (I took the 'sharp' end) up onto the table, and then within seconds the little staples were removed. Amazingly quick and simple - I didn't even have time to see or figure out how they actually stay in and do the job. Sally appeared to be oblivious and showed no sign of complaint at all. SUCH a good dog. What was VERY cool was, I wasn't charged!! :o) . . detoured on the way home to look in a skip I'd seen outside a commercial premises a couple of days ago when driving back from the DIY store. I'd spotted what appeared to be a really tall pine chair thrown in it - kinda like a bar stool really. I reckon, no matter how it was broken (if at all), after the experience I've had of attempting to repair and renovate that old, circular, antique pine kitchen table and chairs (which I STILL have crammed in the front bedroom awaiting advertising for sale - again!!) it would have been worth having. Why? Cause I reckon it would be possible to put such a thing in the attic and then be able to actually sit at, leaning on the edge of an open skylight to look out - which would have been particularly nice on November the 5th 'firework night' (although - around here - any night for the last/next few months is pretty much the same!). Sadly it looked as though the skip had already been exchanged for another. Damn. :o( He who dares, wins. He who hesitates, IS lost! These things I have learned to be true. . . returned Mums anasaphone call enquiring about Sally and gave her the good news - and joked I should give her her money back, because I'd made a tidy profit on the deal! :o) Somehow once again, a simple little call like that, ended up lasting over an hour!!!???? lol . . . left Sally at home and drove to have a look at the nearby reclamation yard Sis1 had told me she'd been to. Wow - what an incredible Aladins cave of old building stuff. Plenty of big chunks of slate and stone of the type I want for the top of that little wall at the top of the stairs. Only trouble with such a place - no prices on anything and you just KNOW that everything will cost a lot - especially when they realise you want something in particlar. I asked for a very rough idea of how much a piece of slate like I had in mind would be. The guy suggested around £60 for a proper big, hearth piece (I've thrown one of those out before now!!) and maybe £20 for the size I wanted. Hmmm - that makes bribing the officials and hanging around at the local council tip 'rubble' skip, quite an attractive proposition! I'll probably be returning to that place when I've made my mind up, measured up and know how small a piece I'm looking for. I'm generally a pretty honest guy - but even I considered the alternative as I walked up the long driveway and out of the gate and back towards the car. Right near the gate, way out of sight of the yard office was a nice piece of slate which probably would have been perfect for the job. Would have been oh SO easy just to pick it up and walk. Being honest can be a real bugger sometimes! . drove to Fishponds and stopped off at the bingo hall and went and handed in the membership card I'd found when walking Sally home from the vet earlier. Drove on and checked out the 'Hyper Value' store PS had mentioned. He'd said he'd bought a USB cable there and it was dirt cheap. When in there, his daughter had pointed out a surveillance camera and suggested I'd like it!! How on earth does she know? But she's right! I scanned up and down EVERY single shelf looking at everything throughout the entire store. Unfortunately the camera was actually a dummy for the bluff - but still VERY cheap! In fact, everything seemed very cheap. Quality on much of the stuff as well as the price, but sometimes that's ok isn't it. Uh oh - they have tools! They had an electric drill for £10!!!!!! A 500w, hammer action, single speed, 'Blackspur' drill - and only £10??? Well - the way I abuse and get through my drills - and with my current one on its last legs - and for THAT money, why not?! (Says something, I'm not sure what, about my personality, does that. I'm more likely to spend BIG money and go out and buy an expensive, decent bit of kit, when I know I've finished most of the work and probably won't end up abusing it and wearing it out. Doesn't really make sense that does it!?) Oh my god! I couldn't believe my eyes. A twin disc set of diamond stone cutting discs for the disc cutter, one for dry cutting, one for wet or dry - for only £2. How can that be, when the one in Wickes was £20? Ok - they MUST be cheap and nasty and not very long lasting in comparison - but surely I wouldn't wear out twenty in the time I will the one from Wickes?!!! Bought a pack to try. Think I'll be going back to that store some time - although - am I the only person who finds it uncomfortable to be able to buy such things so ridiculously cheap? I mean - there's only one way to be able to make that sort of stuff and sell it here so cheap. Make it abroad, in 'emerging economies', with what is tantamount to slave labour! Same as all this 'outsourcing' of helplines and such. What happens in the future if we become reliant on such stuff - when those economies have emerged, the slave labour is no more, and we in this country can no longer afford it and we don't actually manufacture our own any more? I dunno about such things - just strikes me as a 'fragile' state in which to exist. Blah blah . . .drove on to Morrisons and bought two ready cooked chickens. Stopped off at the baker on the way home and got a thick sliced farmhouse loaf . . . feasted on half a chicken, bread and butter, and chocolate biscuits. . . napped for a couple of hours until woken by incessant barking from next doors dog! Grrrr. . LB called talking about having heard some whining dog or other for the last couple of mornings - and she'd even wandered up the back lane looking to see if one was out there!? I've heard nothing - and said she should call me if she hears it again. . . walked . . . PCd a bit of this. . . TVd . . . touched base briefly with BB . . . PCd this some more . . I feel obliged to make an apology for not updating my journal as - um - reliably as I used to. It's just with all this building work - it's hard to find the time and energy at the moment. If I'm not putting in the nine hour plus working days at the moment, I'm sat in such a state of complete exhaustion and collapse and probably mostly needing to get some fuel inside me, that sitting at the PC and typing stuff is TOTALLY out of the question. I HAVE to knuckle down and push on with these house alterations in an attempt to get a door in and the unfinished draughty attic 'sealed off' from the rest of the house, before the worst of the cold weather hits. Only then will I be able to calm things down a little and take my time as I please. I'm getting closer. In fact, in theory - the only thing now stopping me from actually 'pretty quickly' being able to acheive that point, is the position of a central heating radiator. It's on the old wall right next to the new door frame behind the stud wall (actually now in the 'corridor' which will lead onto the attic stairs). It's SO close to the new door frame - it won't be possible to fit the door until I've moved it. So - with winter almost upon us - the next thing I have to do is disable the central heating system, make alterations to all the plumbing and reposition that radiator back in the back bedroom (gonna have to be against the old chimney wall - the window is too near the floor for having it ideally under there, and there really is nowhere else!!). Further complicating THAT part of the operation, and what is actually preventing me from finishing off one end of the stud wall in the back bedroom, is the positioning of central heating pipes for a run up into the attic at some point. I really need to get that done now because of the bedroom - but I really don't want to have to buy radiators and do that bit of the attic yet!! I wonder - could I get away with just a loop of 'live' pipe going up there without any radiators attached to it?? Probably not. All a bit of a hold up for a while - 'mentally' mostly! So - if I don't update my journal for a few days - sorry - but - it's because . . . finished what turned into a wordy journal entry and to bed after 1am - or closer to 2 actually!! paas
02 - Woken up by Sally after 8am . . . walked and found 20p . . . finally got the three bags of sand and one of cement out of the back of the car where they've been laying for days, and then left Sally at home and drove to B&Q and bought two cheap 'Arden' six panel knotty pine doors, brass knobs and all the other necessary fittings to hang them. Ouch - £63.78, although I suppose that isn't bad for two complete doors. . . touched base with Mum after having tested some of the new coffee flavoured Galaxy chocolate she'd sent up in the mail. Not bad. Not as good as that expensive Green And Black - but pretty nice all the same . . . ate half a chicken with four pieces of bread and butter . . . napped early until around 4pm . . .felt guilty about having done no work on the 'building site' so ended up quickly wiring up the power socket in the stud wall (although still not connected to the ring main) and then clearing up and tidily stacking some of the old doors, bits of wood and debris I have laying around the place but which I daren't throw away yet, just in case some of it may be useful somehow. . . walked . . . touched base with BB . . . TVd . . .ate baked beans and grated cheese on toast. Haven't had that for ages, and a very pleasant change it was too. . . TVd until bed before 11pm. ps
03 - Woken up by Sally shortly after 7am . . .walked in the strong wind and found 2p and a pair of pliers. Laying in the grass of the field was a motorcycle security lock. Uhuh - so where is the stolen moped that came from? Hard to explain, but the behaviour of, and a few overheard comments from some of the 'excited' school kids, indicated that a stolen bike HAD been thereabouts somewhere, but had now disappeared. Sheesh! :o( . . . put a wall bolt fixing in the stud work above the attic doorway and then put in the work to 'shim' it out where I'd made my mistake with the ceiling plate. Didn't take quite as long as I imagined, although the cutting back of the other side will be far more difficult. .LB called asking if I was interested in a pine bed she was throwing out (because her guy would be moving in soon).Popped up LBs to look at the bed. I'll probably regret it at some point, but I managed to say no thanks. . . planed down a couple of slightly protruding bits of the studwork and then cut and applied plasterboard above both of the new doorways. . . Had a good look through all my plumbing collection and found a couple of unused compression fittings, to be used to 'cap off' pipes. Wow - I wonder? Lifted floorboards, drained the central heating system, removed the radiator that is 'in the way' and then successfully 'got away with' cutting off and then just blanking off the pipes to that one radiator. .refilled the system, expelled the air and then ran it up to hot and yay - no leaks. :o) . . wired in a temporary light in the new 'corridor to the attic' and then finished off the fixing of the door frame by putting in a handful more wall plugs and screws. Mixed up a little plaster and filled the old ceiling rose holes in the ceiling. Tidied up in the attic and put the temporary floorboards back in place. Now THAT was a succcessful days work. Good progress. In fact - I'm good to hang the attic door tomorrow - and then, although the back bedroom doesn't have a radiator at the moment, I'm pretty well placed to face the winter. Excellent. :o) . cleared up . . . walked. As I was about to enter the field, a pratt on a stolen moped (driving like an idiot, no helmet or lights) came squeeling past me, straight up onto the path and over a grass verge towards a group of kids sat watching the rugby club training. He kept going along the pavement as they called out to him asking him what he was doing, and then he doubled back towards the way I was coming. He veered off before he got to me (which was just as well (for me?) because if he'd driven close by me on the pavement, I'd made my mind up I WAS gonna try and push him off). I couldn't help myself deliberately beeing seen to be lunging towards him, pretending I was trying to grab him as he went by. He raced off down the road. Seeing stolen mopeds driven around like that is not an uncommon experience for me - so much so, I don't even 'always' mention it here in my journal!. .carried on walking Sally around the field. Something was going on beneath those overhanging branches at the bottom of the field (where Sally caught a pigeon, where someone was once sleeping rough, where kids go to the toilet, have sex and drink and do drugs, and where I saw a stolen moped being retrieved by a policeman one morning). There appeared to be a group of kids under there with a torch. It didn't seem 'prudent' in the dark to show 'too' much interest, just in case they were 'mating', so I carried on and sat on my seat for my usual cigarette and to watch the fireworks going off all around. As I sat there, from in the far distance I could see the police helicopter approaching. I suspect they fly a little higher than usual at this time of year!!! It's always hard to tell what area they are actually keeping under surveillance because of the way they 'stand off' and circle for safety and fuel economy, but it rather looked as though they were watching the field and were pretty much sat right overhead!? I finished my ciagerette and started to walk back towards the entrance to the field but then just couldn't resist walking back towards the overhanging bushes to see what those kids were up to. With the deafening noise of the helicopter right overhead, the kids had all come out from the bushes and were all stood in a line, looking up - looking as obviously 'guilty' as only kids are stupid enough to do. I wandered over and despite feeling rather cheeky in doing so, asked them what they were up to. They denied any wrongdoing, but when I shone my torch into the bushes, I could see a moped stood up against the fence!!! "Oh dear" I said. "Well - you know what I'm going to do now don't you? Call the police." They insisted it wasn't them who'd stolen it, and because of their young age, that was believable. I suggested in that case that they should run away then - which they promptly did. I called the police on my mobile and deliberately 'lit myself up' with my torch, just in case the police helicopter was watching me. (Got a bit paranoid. I swear - if it wasn't for the fact I had Sally with me, it really would have looked as though I was likely the moped theif, and was now making a song and dance of reporting it, just to cover myself and look innocent underneath the gaze of the helicopter crew!!!) Eventually I was put through to the control centre and reported what I'd found. As I was doing so, in the dark at the top of the slope above me, a couple of kids on mopeds appeared. They saw me with my torch and promptly turned away and raced off back up the field out of sight into the darkness. The police control person told me that the helicopter was up and dog handlers were heading for the area because they were chasing kids on stolen mopeds!!!! I tried to make it clear the one I'd found in the bushes was NOT the one they were currently actively chasing. Just then a policeman came running across the field so it was agreed with the person on the phone that I should speak to him, so I said thanks and hung up. I waved my torch around to attract the policemans attention and he came over. He'd been chasing one of the theives who he said had run off in this direction. I made sure he knew I had Sally with me by briefly lighting her up with my torch. I then quickly made sure he knew it was NOT the one they were chasing - but that there was a moped stashed in the hedge. (Under the circumstances - I MUST have been a nuisance to him and probably unknowingly assisted the offender in escaping with my diversion!!) The policeman hastily dragged the Honda C90 (no number plate) out of the bushes and propped it up on its side stand. I bid him farewell and started walking back up the field with Sally. Very suprising to look back and see the policeman sit on the bike, somehow get it started up and then begin to ride it across the grass in 'hot pursuit' (well - as hot as you can on a 'plastic' C90 over wet grass and mud) in the direction he'd been going before I waylayed him! Hillarious. . walking back up the field with the helicopter still clattering low overhead, all the rugby players were crowded round at the edge of the field watching something. As I rushed to get closer and see what was going on, they all started chanting 'loser. LoseRR-RR'. By the building site down the nearby road, several police cars had apparantly caught one of the moped riders red handed. Ha. Bloody nice one. Police cars were haring around all over the place, so clearly one of the perpetrators was still outstanding. Didn't hang around and began to head home with Sally as usual. Up on the main road, in the distance, someone walking in my direction suddenly stopped, turned around, crossed the road and disappeared up a side street. Hard to explain, but there was just something about the way they did it made me suspicious. IF that policeman was right about someone having run off down the bottom of the field (I think he was wrong because I would have seen them), then they really would quite likely have done a large loop and ended up walking all innocent like, back up that main road towards me. I bet - from a distance, in the dark like that, the way I wear my combat trousers tucked into my socks above my combat boots (actually to stop the mud and other peoples dog poop getting all over the bottoms of my trousers), dressed all in black with my sleeveless jacket, accompanied by a german shepherd, with the police helicopter low overhead - I reckon I just 'could', maybe, be mistaken for a police dog handler! I couldn't help myself - I detoured and walked in the direction the person had gone. I wasn't gonna run because I could easily have been totally mistaken about the circumstances, so the figure was quite some considerable distance ahead of me. I followed for a while before all of a sudden strangely losing them somewhere along the way. I dunno - I reckon I was right about them! . .walked the short distance straight back home. Funny thing with the police helicopter (just my paranoia?). It kept on hovering more or less overhead as I was walking that route around the block, and then the minute I got back home and opened my front door, off it went!!! . . . drank a glass of wine and stood for a while in the attic looking out of the skylights at the fireworks, with a rare feeling of contentment at the progress I've made on the alterations. . . touched base with BB . . . TVd and ate half a chicken and five pieces of bread and butter followed by pretty much a whole bar of chocolate!! . . . TVd . . BB called . . .in bed before 11pm. pad
04 - Woken by Sally around 6:30am!! . . .walked . . .sharpened my wood chisels as best I could on an old sharpening stone, and then spent most of the day fitting the new door to the attic. VERY time consuming cutting in the hinges and latch etc., but I think I AM getting slightly better at it. . Wow - when I finally got the door on its hinges and was marking off how much to cut off one side to make it fit, the draught from the attic was SO strong, it was blowing the door 'shut' so much, it was in danger of damaging the hinges before I'd fitted the door jam!! . when I'd finally got it done by around 3pm, I'm sure there was an immediately noticeable difference to the temperature in the house. I wasn't wrong to push on and get that done as soon as possible before the winter. . . celebrated by having a nap. . woken somewhere around 6pm by a loud bang. Leapt to the window and peeked out and saw some little yobs running away over the other side of the street - and then hesitating on the corner before throwing another egg across the road. B*****ds! Rushed to get dressed and then went out the front to check for damage. Hard to tell in the dark but I think I escaped the worst of it. :o( . . walked and found a penny. As I approached the field, a mixed group of kids were walking by and after they'd passed, they began the not uncommon taunts of 'bin man' and then I heard one of them say "do you like eggs for tea". I ignored them - but soon started to wish I hadn't. Wish I'd collared whoever had said that and had a go at the brainless idiot. . felt like an unpleasant, threatening atmosphere in the air around the neighbourhood, with lots of groups of kids out on the streets, fireworks going off all around, and the police 'riot van' and a marked patrol car or two cruising by! Hell - I felt - um - 'scared'!! :o( . called in the takeaway on the way home for a bag of chips. . going in back home, I spotted some smashed eggs, on and around the door, I'd not seen earlier. Quickly sponged off what I could find with a bowl of water before it set (as my chips got cold). . Sat down to eat my chips with a slightly microwaved half a chicken, but I was still VERY uptight about the egg thing, and actually sat there eating with my boots and sleeveless coat still on - ready 'to go'. Right in the middle of my meal, there was another thud on the front of the house!! Raced to put my food out of Sally's reach on top of the microwave and then raced out and across the road in pursuit of the two kids I'd seen running off round the corner. They were stood just round the corner (they denied it was them) near another group, and were subjected to a horrible torrent of shouting, swearing and abuse from me!! I was very, VERY angry and I think it showed. Half the neighbourhood must have heard me! :o( . . .returned home, fuming, and quickly sponged off more eggs before resuming my cold chips! . . .BB called briefly. I was actually sat reading through the Argos catalogue, looking at CCTV cameras when she called!! . . sat around with my shoes and coat on, occasionaly looking out of darkened windows and even spent a while looking out of one of the skylights, SO uptight and miserable. It's only a childish prank I suppose - but boy, does it ruin my peace of mind - extremely!! They have no idea. . . TVd and eventually tried to accept 'what will be, will be' and convinced myself to unwind a little - sufficient to take my coat and boots off, although my coat ended up being hung on the back of the front door ready for a quick out, 'just in case'. If these kids carry on doing this - assuming the double glazed windows can take it, it's only a matter of time before they smash the thin fragile glass on my outside light. :o( . . .ate bowls of co-co pops . . .BB called . . .to bed around 11pm. pas
05 - Woken by Sally at 7am!! . . .walked and found a penny. Found a carrier bag blowing in the breeze so did a bit of 'litter duty', pretty much for the first time since the Sally 'RTA incident'. A little old lady dog walker saw me doing so and made comment as she passed about the awful mess over there. We ended up chatting for a short while. She told me how a short while ago she'd been walking her dog and a group of 'schoolkids' had been also over there playing with some young boisterous labrador type dog. The dog had been encouraged to run and had taken it upon himself to run straight into the old woman. She acknowledged it of course wasn't the dog's fault, but it HAD knocked her to the ground!!! She'd lay there in the mud, all bruised and having trouble getting back up, and had called out to the 'kids' for their help. She said they all stood around looking down at her - and laughed!!! She even said that one of them had remarked how it was the funniest thing he'd seen all day!! She'd eventually got to her feet without their help and made her way home. She told her disabled husband what had happened and he was all up for coming back across with his walking stick to have a go at them, but she'd stopped him. What on earth is the world coming to, where everyone around here seems to have such tales to tell? Thank god I'd not seen all that happen - would have been real hard not to end up being arrested for 'assault on a minor'! . spent a while unwrapping the parcel tape that was wrapped around one of the childrens swings. Usually the stuff the local kids get up to around here, is uninspiring and just brainless and destructive. I like it when there is evidence of just a little more thought. I must say I was actually quite impressed with the imagination of whoever had parcel taped that huge firework to the seat of the kids swing. Actually wish I'd been over there to see that go off and to see what effect it had. The chains of the swing WERE wrapped around the top bar a couple of times. :o) . . . sat around having trouble getting going at anything. Ended up hanging the back bedroom radiator on the wall in its new position and then did a few exploratory short floorboard lifts to see how much work is involved in trying to plumb it in there. Actually turns out to not look 'all' that bad. In fact - if I'd had a couple of required plumbing fittings (don't have any of the right sort of 'T 'pieces left in my collection) I may have given it a go - although, turned out I don't have enough gas left in my blow lamp either. . cleared up a little and then ate a couple of defrosted chicken pastry pies with four bags of crisps, followed by a couple of chocolate biscuits . . . napped until around 4pm . . . PCd a bit of this. . .walked just a little bit earlier than usual in a futile attempt to spare Sally the worst of the fireworks. She was just a 'little' more skittish than usual here and there, when particularly close loud ones were going off, but true to form mostly ignored them and got on with the serious business of running around and sniffing poop! Sat on a rock with a cigarette to watch the fireworks but rain showers persuaded me home pretty quick. . .did dishwashing chores as the mayhem outside ensued. . . BB called . . .ate a tin of spaghetti bolognese with four pieces of bread and butter . . . PS popped round for chats, TV, coffee and chocolate biscuits until early. Both popped up in the attic for a short while to watch the fireworks, but strangely things seemed 'relatively' subdued. I think there were more big displays in the distance yesterday. . the police helicopter appeared to be up again (brave!), hovering somewhere over by the local field. Poked my head out to look and could see a huge bunch of display type fireworks being let off in that direction. . straight to bed by around 1am after PS'd gone. pass
06 - Woke at 7am!! . . . walked in full rubber in terrible wind and torrential rain! Found a pair of rather nice leather motorcycle gloves in the gutter partly underneath a parked car, although they were SO saturated by the rivers of rain, I'm not sure they'll be any good once they've dried out. . .obvious damp penetration around the front chimney stack in the attic again! :o( . . . PCd this. . . left Sally at home and drove in the rain to the Police station at Staple Hill to hand in the latest knife I'd found over the field the day after halloween. Started to feel as though the woman on the counter was starting to give me a hard time because I'd not handed it in to Trinity Road (because that is their area) and then she started asking me if with the last ones I'd handed in, had the clerk done such and such and such and such and - well how the hell do I know? Stupid woman. Your the police - do with it what you will! Eventually escaped without an argument and drove home . . . cooked and ate a pizza with extra onion and cheese . . . napped but only for an hour or so before being woken by more local fireworks . . .walked . . . PCd and ended up surfing looking for the guitar chords to Stereophonics 'Maybe Tomorrow' the video for which which I'd suddenly stumbled upon on the PC. Actually had to vacuum the dust off the guitar which I haven't touched for the longest time. Didn't last long. As usual - me and my guitar do NOT make those noises! :o( . . BB called . . . ate bowls of cornflakes and huge amounts of chocolate . . . TVd . . . LB popped in drunk after midnight - with a bird in her hand!!!!! Apparantly one of her cats had caught the poor little thing (sparrow? Maybe even a young one? At this time of year???) and she'd taken it upon herself to bring it down to show me. Well - for me - that was like being tortured having to witness that. That poor little bird that clearly wasn't going to survive, clamped in drunken LBs fist, frequently 'snogged' by her!!!! Horror! No way - no way am I gonna go getting all responsible for THAT!! After what seemed like an age she got up to leave and ended up dropping the bird into a bush in next doors front garden. It didn't land in the bush as she wanted, so she put her hands in to move it. In the dark of the night, the poor little thing fluttered lamely into the air and then veered off and crashed into the rear light assembly of a nearby parked car - before fluttering underneath the car out of sight and reach as LB approached! She eventually returned home, and I returned to my living room. Well - thanks so very much for putting me through that agony - torturing a dead bird flying!! :o( . . . bed around 12:30am. pas
07 - Woken by Sally at 7:20am . . . walked (no sign of a bird or feathers) and found a lighter . . . investigated why the toilet cistern was leaking. Predictably the old corroded wing nuts that hold the cistern to the pan, disintegrated as I attempted to undo them!! :o( Damn. Sure enough, it was the big rubber seal underneath that was completely perished. . . left Sally at home with the toilet cistern in pieces oall over the place, and drove to the nearby reclamation yard and had a proper search for a peice of slate to go on top of that new low wall at the top of the stairs. Found some ropey old looking piece of slate which could probably have done the job, and asked how much. £20!!! Uhuh - ok - so, how much (if anything?) for that broken bit by the gate that I could so easily have just walked off with if I wasn't such an honest decent dude? Turned out it wasn't slate!! It was broken and seemed to be fragmenting like slate (black and layered strata), but he said it was actually an Indian flag stone, although - give him a couple of £s for the barnardos charity tin and I could have it. I didn't have a couple of £s but he eventually let me have it for all the loose change I had in my pocket! That's more like it. After all - it may not work out when I try and cut it with the disc cutter. Didn't want to invest too highly in it. Very satisfactory result. :o) . . . drove on to the DIY stores at Longwell Green and ended up buying a 'Cistern Kit' in B&Q for £4.98, which included the seal, a new metal fixing plate and the bolts and wing nuts. That seemed like agood deal . .stopped off in Wickes and bought some 22mm copper tubes, solder fixings, solder, gas etc etc. Yikes - another £65.02 - all this is costing me a fortune. . . . back home and fitted the new toilet cistern kit and was just putting it all back together when the isolation valve handle broke!!! Oh no!!!! I'd thought it was SUCH a neat idea to put one of those valves on every seperate part of the water system so i could work on each bit without turning off the rest. NOT such a good idea when the damn thing breaks the first time you use it after all these years! Turned out to have jammed and actually snapped inside!! Figured I could remove the broken bits and temporarily fit it back in place, permanently open, anyway. Spent ages fitting it with PTFE tape and everything, only to find that when I put the water back on, the pressure blew the handle part clean out and floods of water followed!!! Arrrrggggggghhhhhh!!! Nothing seems to be going right of late!!! Ummd and ahhd about returning to the DIY store for a replacement, but eventually removed it alltogether and soldered a new section of pipe in its place. Went ok, although (days later) I still seem to have a slow drip coming from it all somewhere - but so slow, I can't figure out from where!! STILL have newspaper under it to show (and mop up) the slow leakage!!!!! . . .ate mayo, garlic sausage, grated cheese and onion sandwiches with two bags of crisps and then some biscuits . . . napped for less than a couple of hours. . . walked . . . TVd . . . touched base with BB . . .ate bowls of co-co pops and chocolate . . . to bed just after 11pm. ps
08 - Woke earlier, tossed and turned then up around 7am . . .walked . . . had a go at cutting up the piece of broken Indian flagstone with the disc cutter. Didn't go 'too' badly and encouraged me to start working on that bit of the wall at the top of the stairs. Briefly stopped to watch as the bin men emptied the bin, intending to go and bring it back in (and both of my neighbours as is my habit). As I watched, my bin was tipped into the lorry, but a large piece of plastic (the piece that covered one of my new doors) ended up half hanging out when it was done. The bin man set it tipping again and hit the button twice before walking off to get someone elses bin. As he did so, I saw my near empty bin bounce around and then disappear into the back of the lorry and get crushed with all the refuse!!!!! The bin men just carried on down the road!!? I raced out and caught the guys attention and asked about my bin. He blamed it having gone like that because I'd put rubble in it, which you shouldn't. Utter nonsense - cause I'd been watching - but since you aren't supposed to get rid of all the stuff I do, I figured it was best to remain civil. He said they'd make a note of it back at the depot. I suspected he wasn't telling the truth and said " and the number was?". He got it right, so I had to shut up and say ok thanks and disappear. What a pain. I still couldn't bring myself to believe he really would order me a new one so I got on the phone to the council and made sure. Two to three weeks without a bin!!! Have to use bin liners! Awwwww!!! :o( . . . worked on the top of the stairs wall and had to use the dis cuitter on a few bricks in situ. WHAT a mess again. . . cemented a couple of bits of brick back in place and called it quits, exhausted - again. So, SO tired and frankly feeling very fed up with - um - well - life really! Thick layers of dust everywhere, in every room, on everything - couldn't face attempting to clean up enough to eat something, so ended up just eating a handful of biscuits with coffee. Had intended to relax in front of a Star Trek Voyager episode on TV but just then, that particular cable channel decided to have problems and be unavailable!! It's one of those sort of days isn't it! :o( Gone five o'clock but just HAD to go and lay down for a while. Tossed and turned for almost an hour until all of a sudden there was the loud bang, of what I have come to recognise as the sound of an egg hitting the front of the house somewhere - again! :o( Raced to get dressed and look out of the darkened window, but whoever had done it had run off already. Had a quick look outside checking for damage. In the dark I couldn't even find where the egg had hit - just shell and stinking splatter all over the garden. . kept a watch out of the darkened bedroom window and eventually saw a group of around half a dozen kids assembling on the opposite corner in the pouring rain. Sure enough, more eggs hit the front of my house. Left Sally safely at home and raced out into the street only to see the group (a couple on push bikes) all racing off up the street. Oh what great fun. Bastards!! I attempted to anticipate where they may go and actually partly ran up a nearby street and round the block before coming back down a lane behind the houses. I'd misjudged things and the group were further up the road, so I called it quits (not fun running around down muddy lanes in the rain wearing slippers!) and returned home. It seemed inevitable they would be returning for another go, so I ended up getting in the car and quickly turning it around and then moving it to the other side of the street facing the way they'd gone before turning it off and sitting in the dark. Soon enough a kid on foot and another on a push bike appeared, but from behind me! I guess they'd gone round the block. I started the car up as the kid walked by and he jumped and said something - which I can't imagine you'd do if you were just innocently walking down the road. I started to slowly follow him in the car and then he turned around and ran off so I pursued him. What was I gonna do? Nothing - I just wanted to scare the little creap into maybe leaving me alone. I can't win can I? If I do nothing it gets worse - if I chase them it gets worse. WHAT am I to do to have my quiet life back? I drove round the block a couple of times, to eventually re-appear depending on which way the kid ran and where he hid. The kid on the push bike ended up fleeing (he looked worried) from the car at some point and dashing down the lane behind the shops (as I spun the wheels a little by accident on the wet road). Enough!!!! Good god - this is absurd!!! What have they turned me into?!!! Parked the car back up outside home and eventually walked Sally in the pouring rain . .can't be sure but possibly more eggs on the front of the house when I returned. So many broken shells laying in the garden and glue like goo all over the paintwork and windows, it's getting hard to tell if there are more. :o( . . . spent much of the night, miserable as hell, ridiculously up tight, sat at a darkened window. :o( . . . Mum called to tell me to put a TV show on. I did, but just couldn't relax and ended up back in the dark at the window. . . in an act of desperation, I actually called the police asking for advice about what to do in such circumstances. Their response was pretty much, without the kids names and addresses, there's nothing they can do! 'So - I need to try and get names and adresses?' Yes. Hmmm - actually, that one kid on the pushbike tonight - he is the only one of them I DO recognise as a kid from a house somewhere up a nearby street. I've had 'run ins' with him before, when he was ranting around the local field on a motorbike and giving me abuse. Always has a stupid smile on his face. Guess I could find out where he lives and thence his name etc. . . BB called . . . eventually gave up sitting at the window and sat in front of the TV for a while (but with the sound down so low, I couldn't really hear whatever it was I had on). . . by around 10:30pm I assumed things were done for tonight and I made myself a garlic sausage and onion sandwich and ate it with two bags of crisps, followed by a tray of jaffa cakes and some chocolate. . BB called briefly . . . TVd until bed around midnight. pas
09 - Not a good nights sleep then up just before 7am . . . walked with a pencil and notebook in my pocket. Found 6p. Detoured very slightly on the way home and stood at the top of a nearby street with a cigarette in an attempt to identify which house one of the yobs (the ONLY one I can recognise - the one on the bike) from last night lives at. Sure enough he was suddenly there crossing the road heading for school, but I didn't quite catch which house he'd come out of. On the spur of the moment I ended up following him in the hope of being able to ask one of the teachers on the school gate what his name was. Damn - too early - no teachers on the gate yet! I caught up with him on the central reservation as he was crossing the main road and grabbed his shoulder. He kept walking saying 'get off me' and such stuff. Somehow I ended up with him backed up against the school fence, cornered by the refuse bin with my hands holding his shirt or whatever he had on, in the region of lapels. He said I'd been chasing the wrong person last night. It was nothing to do with him. I tried to be scary and hissed that it wasn't so funny now was it, and then demanded he tell me the names of the egg throwers he'd been with last night. He refused and then called out over his shoulder to other children for them to run and get him help. He said I smelled - smelled of weed! VERY quickly, a teacher was summoned and raced out and was well-practiced-calm and diplomatic and said he'd take the boy away and speak to him and I should come back later. I said ok and decided to wait there for the teacher's return, smoking a cigarette outside the school gate. I finished my cigarette and then the two teachers arrived to do their 'gate duty'. I felt obliged to explain to one of them what had just occurred and why I was stood there waiting, because hanging around near the school gates is an 'uncomfortable' place to be. The teacher said he couldn't give me the boys name. He suggested I should give him my name, address and phone number and that he'd get the school police officer to come and see me later. Ok - that sounded cool. I returned home . . . PCd a bit of this but was interrupted by Sally barking at someone at the door, within an hour of having got back home. Shut Sally safely in the kitchen and opened the front door. I was confronted by a man stood back near the gate, hurling something at me with apparantly as much force as he could muster!!!!????? What the ****? I managed to duck and half close the front door and escaped being hit by what turned out to be an egg! I defy anyone to think rationally when confronted by such a situation - although I'm still torturing myself for the stupid things I did. I opened the door, to find out what the hell was going on - presumeably to confront and remonstrate with the lunatic - or to see what damage had been done - or - who knows? As soon as the door was open, with a frightening amount of force, he threw another maybe three, four or more eggs into the house, all over the living room walls, carpet and mostly all over the untreated pine kitchen door which faces the front door. I think I said something lame like what the hell are you doing? In a state of absolute 'fury', the like of which I don't believe I've ever seen before, he accused me of having just beaten up his eleven year old son, and proceeded to hurl venomous insults and abuse, accused me of being a paedophile and liking little boys, said I wouldn't be living her much longer, he'd be burning the house, etc, etc, etc. (I don't even remember what else he said. It was pretty scary.) Like a fool (perhaps expecting him to make off), I said I was going to call the police, left the front door and crossed the living room and picked up my chordless phone and proceeded to clumsily call the police by dialling 999 (shaking like a leaf). I can't really recall what I said to the person on the phone - I don't think I even had a chance to say who or where I was. The guy pushed open the front door and entered my living room, came round the setee to the middle of the room and started 'squaring up to me' with his fists. Uh oh - this is gonna hurt. I can't believe this is happening!!!!!!! Somewhere along the line I dropped the chordless phone on the top of the TV unit, and was then attempting to defend myself from a hail of punches to the head and face. . the last time, some years ago, that I was punched by a yob, I vowed to myself that it would bever happen again, and that I'd attempt to fight and if possible, kill whoever was attempting to do so. Well - that didn't happen. I guess I have to just accept, it simply isn't in my nature to be able to try and punch someone. It's just not something I can do - even under these circumstances apparantly. Some people are just born to be 'victims' I guess. :o( . I think I should be forgiven for my account of these events becoming a little hazy at this point. I remember simply trying to 'hang on to him' to stop him from being able to continue punching me. Somehow at some point the setee was knocked over. I CAN vividly recall ending up on my back on the floor, in smashed eggs, at the bottom of the stairs, crammed in near the kitchen door, with the guy stood on my chest with one foot, with his other foot attempting to stamp on my head. I held onto that stamping foot for all I was worth - and really actually thought, I may not make it through this one. I think the guy must have been hanging onto the kitchen door knob, because at some point I recall the kitchen door opening an inch or two. Despite the situation, I was suprisingly clear headedly determined that Sally should not get out, involved and hurt (although for all I know, she may have been sat in the garden sunbathing!) and somehow I managed to push the door shut. Somewhere along the line in this position, don't ask me how, one of the guys fingers ended up near my mouth. I bit - and I meant it. I think I bit through a tiny bit of a fleshy part of the side of one of his fingers. I was sure my survival meant not being there on the floor like that. I'm not sure how - but somehow I ended up back on my feet, the attack subsided (?? christ - I'd made it!) and I made my way across the living room looking for the phone. It was still on and connected to the police!!!! I don't recall much of what was said, but they confirmed the police were on their way, was I ok - that sort of thing. My attacker had stormed outside screaming and shouting abuse and rampaged into both my neighbours gardens banging on their doors in an apparant attempt to tell the neighbourhood that I was a paedophile!!!? I was shaking like a leaf and ended up sat on my garden wall, with the guy only a couple of feet from me, hurling every bit of abuse he could think of. Funny what my mind picked up on to be hurt about. He mocked my combat trousers and my dog, said I was a paedophile and a dog shagger, and said I was a dole grabber (he made a 'signing on' motion with his hands). That particular accusation really got to me for some reason. Kinda like maybe I'm pretty proud to be able to survive on my £400 a month occupational pension and not claim anything from anyone. I think I even started to attempt to correct him on that point, but the person on the phone wisely ssuggested I not engage in any conversation at all. Did I need an ambulance? No idea - haven't seen a mirror yet - don't think so. With the guy only feet away and still venomously hurling all manner of abuse and threats about what would become of me, the guy on the phone said it was ok, it was all being recorded. Could I give a description of my attacker. With him stood right there in front of me, I looked him up and down and described his clothing down the phone! I was in the twilight zone. He was just stood there continuing to shout abuse, having beaten me up pretty bad in my own living room, waiting for the police to arrive!!??? It seemed like an awfully long, LONG time, but at last, a police car arrived and the man and woman calmly got out and strolled over. The male police officer had a word with my attcker a few paces down the street while the woman dealt with me and got my side of the story - which I tried to give in complete honest detail (the egg throwing, me 'assaulting' the child outside the school, etc) - as I try to do here! The house was a hell of a mess - I was a mess - I think she pretty quickly got the picture. I think the officers conferred and then said they'd be arresting the guy and taking him to Trinity Road and they'd be back in an hour for a statement. Off they went. . I sat down and cried. Cried quite a bit actually. :o( All of a sudden it seems as though my life as I've known it, is over. How can I carry on trying to live like this? How can I sell my house in such a half finished mess? How can I live in constant fear of having the house torched or who knows what else? It's all over isn't it? What misery. . Eventually let Sally back in who seemed pretty pleased to find an egg covered carpet to lick. Grrrrr. . . very shortly after all this, Mum called!! Oh dear - bad timing. Poor Mum - got to hear me all upset and tearful, which of course upset her much. :o( Quickly got off the phone for some more crying. . . dared to have a look at myself in the mirror. Wow - I reckon I got away with that pretty well! Just a few bruises - I 'think'. Time will tell. . . about an hour later, those same two police officers turned up to take my statement. The guy was spending the afternoon in a cell. He was 43. He'd been in trouble before - but not for a very long time. The woman did all the writing as I recounted (as best I could - without crying - just!) what had happened and answered any outstanding questions. I even insisted on showing them my 'Hood' web page, anticipating accusations of me having 'photographed little boys'!!! When she'd finished and I had to read and sign it, it really was pretty close to events. (I 'think' it even referred to being constantly mocked and called 'bin man' by the local kids!) I made it very clear, that IF I was to be charged with assaulting that kid, then so be it. His father couldn't be allowed to just get away with what he'd just done to me - in my own living room. Outrageous. . Can't imagine what they thought of me - I felt devastated and kept drifting off into one of those weird blank stares at nothing in particular. I think I apologised for all the work they were having to do, at one point. I tried to drag out of them, from their experience, was it likely I'd end up with further things happening and my house being burned down, as the guy had threatened. They tried to reassure me a bit - but I wasn't convinced. :o( They recommended I should go see a doctor and get myself checked out, and also said I should attend Staple Hill police station between 2pm and 3pm for CSI to photograph any marks on my head and body. Turns out there were a few red punch/kick? marks and a small scratch on my head . They then left saying they were going to the school to check out what witnesses would say had happened this morning - and to see if it matched what I'd said. . . not long after they'd left, the phone rang. It was the school police officer getting back to me as the teacher had suggested he would. He told me he'd interviewd the kid I'd had a problem with, and confirmed he'd got the names of the other egg throwing kids from him and was going to round them up and have a word with them all, to stop any further incidents. Bizarre. He didn't know what had just happened to me. I more or less told him - and had just finished when he said his colleagues (who'd just interviewed me) had just arrived so I hung up and let him speak with them. . he called me back a while later expressing his regret at what had happened, but also clearly disapproving of my 'assault' on the kid. I think he slipped up and used the name Charlie when referring to him. I corrected him and pointed out that it appeared I was not supposed to know any of their names. (Ooooohh yes. Charlie is a name I've heard before. Did I put that in my journal back then whenever it was? I'll have to check. Someone by the name of Charlie was in the builders yard doing vandalism one night. I remember his mates calling out to him and then asked a group I passed, who is Charlie.). He did appear somewhat intrigued as to how the kid had informed his father (whatever he told him) SO quickly. . . eventually attempted to clear up some of the mess in the living room. The kitchen door is stained for good. :o( Felt sick - bruised and battered - and my heart was absolutely pounding in my chest and continued to do so for - um - well - feels like it is still!! (Fear? Stress?) Without wishing to seem meoldramatic - given my nature and my lifelong mindset - I pushed to one side, again, the inevitable spontaneous thoughts of suicide. Haven't felt it THAT strong for a while. :o( . . sat around in despair and disbelief and waited for the time to drag by towards two o'clock and a (humiliating) trip to be photographed. I was SO scared of what may happen next, I didn't dare leave Sally at home. Drove early (ouch! I'm bruised!) with Sally over to Staple Hill and walked her slowly around a bit of Paige Park before stopping to sit for a smoke on a bench. Encouraged Sally to sit up on the bench next to me. A little old lady passing by said she wished she had a camera to take the lovely shot, and proceeded to have a bit of a chat. Poor woman - my reply to one of her comments ended up in me saying why I was there and what had happened this morning!!! She said she'd 'pray for me'!!! I didn't mean it rudely - more kinda 'smartass' - I suggested if she was religious, she'd be better off praying for my attacker! Ended up talking to another passing old dog walker. That brief word with those pleasant people, made me feel 'slightly' less desperate!!!! . . .left Sally in the car and went in the station eventually for photos. Embarassing/humiliating having to sit and pose with my shirt off in front of that young woman and her film roll SLR camera. The sights she must have seen!!!!!! . . . back home, I tried to sleep - but couldn't. Every sound, every passing car, everything made me up tight. Couldn't shake it. . . somewhere around 4:20pm the same two police were at the door again. They'd just dropped the guy home!! Bloody hell - that was nice of them! I had to drive myself to a police station for my wounds to be photographed, but the guy who assaulted me gets a lift home! I 'think' they said he'd been charged with common assault and his case would be before the court on Monday. He'd not yet had any legal advice, but they suspected that once he did, he'd be advised to plead guilty - because having not been in any trouble for so long, he'd probably get off pretty lightly. If he pleaded not guilty, it would mean having to go to court at some time in the future and be a witness!!!!!!!!!! I asked them what his story was - how he could possibly justify that behavoiur. Apparantly, he said I'd grabbed his lapels and pulled him into my house to be assaulted!!! It was suggested that if it went to trial, a transcript of the recorded phone call would be produced - which hopefully would contradict that obscene nonsense. They'd let me know in due course. It seemed likely that I wouldn't be facing any charges in respect of my having grabbed the kid outside the school (despite that technically being a 'common assault'), but apparantly the guy who'd beaten me up wasn't happy about that, and was going to speak to the school police officer about it! . . what a private HELL I now find myself in. Not in my wildest imagination could I have forseen all this. :o( . . I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. I TVd with inaudible volume, frequently looking out of a darkened bedroom window, until getting on for 7pm and Sally's walk time. I admit - I was scared. Really scared. All the more so when looking out of the darkened window I saw a (the?) group of kids gathered in the dark in the nearby street. Difficult to explain (NOT pure paranoia), but their body language indicated they were looking in the direction of my house from time to time. Oh jeeze. I've no choice - I have to walk Sally. Unusually I put my wallet in my pocket before leaving. I figured if the house was gonna be firebombed in my absence, at least I'd have Sally and my wallet/credit cards etc safe to see me get away somewhere. I admit I also put a folding knife in my pocket, so scared was I, but I ended up leaving it on top of the TV before I finally left the house without it. :o(. . just out of the house and heading off down the street (the group of kids had moved up the street, and their behaviour DID change when they saw me out - not just my imagination) my new next door neighbour and her boyfriend were driving by and he called out some comment about me having the police round. They needed to know. I flagged them down and told them the whole story, and asked them to call the police if they EVER saw anything going on. Poor people - living next door to me and all this!! The guy it would appear, is apparantly the type that WOULD go out and have a 'ruck' if something of his was being messed with - and he even mentioned his gun!! Oooooh - don't tempt me!!!!!!!!!!!! :o( . . walked and found 2p. My nerves are shot! Walking round that field in the dark, I was hyper aware of every sound (in between the fireworks) and couldn't help looking behind me all the way. Everyone everywhere was a potential assassin. I forced myself to sit on the bench by the swings for a cigarette like usual. As I sat, from in the distance I could see the police helicopter approaching, again. Over to my left, in the direction of home, I could hear what I made out to be both police and fire engine sirens racing to a shout. The helicopter began circling over that way too. I was convinced. Absolutely completely 100% convinced, it was my house that had gone up. I headed home, but forced myself to stop for sausage and chips takeaway on the way home, although I didn't feel the least bit hungry despite having eaten nothing all day and precious little yesterday. Back out of the chip shop, I could smell smoke in the air. I swear it smelled just like that black coal dust that lines the top of my old ceilings. I rehearsed in my mind, sitting on the pavement opposite, eating my chips while watching the fire crews put out the remains of my house. I was amazed - absolutely stunned, to find the street empty of fire engines and both the house and car perfectly intact. . . forced down the sausage and just a handful of chips before feeling sick and giving a handful to Sally with her food and wrapping the rest up for maybe reheating some time. . . popped round to my other neighbour and let her know what had occurred (and made her pretty much speechless too!). . . returned poor Mum's ansaphone message and touched base - and tried as matter of factly as I could, to give a few instructions for her to follow, in the event I was suddenly a gonner!!! . . . touched base with BB, told her the tale, and made her speechless too :o( Sorry! . . . increasing discomfort from my chest. Difficult to reach round for the phone! . . . TVd . . . BB called . . . eventually to bed in the early hours, to toss and turn without sleep for an age, hearing all manner of things afoot in the night. Actually - I eventually concluded, much of the noise I was being scared by, was actually emanating from my almost empty stomach!! . . paa
10 - Not a good nights sleep - in fact, almost no sleep at all!! I think I toss and turn quite a bit in my sleep, and every time I moved I was 'woken' by the pain of my chest. Imagined (I think-again!) the sound of an egg hitting the house and eventually gave up laying there at around 5:25am!! :o( Painful difficult getting out of bed and dressed. .it was pretty dark so I can't be sure if that was blood in the sink when I coughed (god - coughing hurts!) and spat! . TVd with coffee while sucking an annadin tablet. Seem to be finding more evidence of things hurting. I think there may be a cut on my head somewhere, similar in the front of my mouth and some soreness around some teeth. All small stuff of little concern in comparison to the debilitating pain from my chest (and the bicep on my right arm is particularly painful too). . . touched base briefly with BB. Horrible feeling to be the cause of her concern and frustrated distress. . . . walked around 7:30am. Found a small pair of bolt cutters over the field to add to my tool collection!!? Walked my usual route home, which took me past whichever house it is, that nutcase lives in (I STILL don't know which one!) . . . took the risk of leaving Sally at home and drove (wow - ouch - amazing how much you use your chest muscles to change gear and turn the steering wheel (haven't got powered steering) down to the doctors. Joined the small queue sheltering under the canopy outside the doctors surgery around 8:20am waiting for the 8:30am opening. Despite the fine drizzle, I had to go and sit on a low nearby wall and get wet because I was feeling weak and shakey and couldn't handle having to stand up like that for so long. They were late opening! Got myself an appointment for nine o'clock to see whichever doctor it happened to be. . seemed like a hellish long wait in that uncomfortable waiting room chair. It crossed my mind to announce to everyone else that was in there, that I was fine but was gonna just lay on the floor for a little while - but of course I couldn't. . at last! In to see the doctor around 9:10am. I tried to explain in brief that I'd been assaulted and had some chest pain, but he seemed to insist on wanting to know the whole tale, so yet again I had to attempt to explain it all. He WAS very sympathetic and seemed kinda lost for words - which is something I'm starting to get used to, when I tell people about what happened. He had a poke and prod at my chest and a listen with his cold thing as I was instructed to inhale (but only managed as fully as the pain would allow). As I'd suspected he would, he very quickly concluded that there appeared to be no evidence at all of any broken ribs, and he actually went to the bother of doing a sketch of the thorax and rib cage in order to explain how I'd probably pulled/bruised the connecting cartilige. Ok - assuming that to be the case, I asked how long it would be before the pain subsided. Two or three weeks was his answer!!!! Jeeze!!! He happily suggested some co-codamol pain killers (was that the type I had when I had my hernia surgery? Yeah - I think they were effective. ) . . into the next door chemist with my perscription. Paid the £6.50 or whatever it was NHS fee (which seemed like adding insult to my injurys - get beaten up - in pain, AND be out of pocket!) and after a chat with one of the dog walker ladies who happened to be in there, eventually headed home with 60 Co-Codamol 30/500 tablets. . . returned Mums ansaphone call asking how I was, then put the heating on and drank a coffee with just one of the tablets . . . PCd this - all day!! . .Sis2 called to touch base after having been told of events by Mum. I think she remarked how she was speechless! lol . . . I should eat, but I've still no appetite. Maybe time for another tablet? Guess I'll be having a rest from all the building work for a while. Physically I have no choice, and - well - what's the friggin point now. :o( . . .Some time ago a leaflet from the Home Office was put through the door and I thought ‘nice one’ and pinned it to my notice board . . “DON’T WANT IT ON YOUR DOORSTEP? IT’S YOUR CALL. LITTER, RUBBISH AND FLY-TIPPING, GRAFFITI AND VANDALISM, GROUPS HANGING AROUND, NUISANCE NEIGHBOURS, INTIMIDATION AND HARASSMENT, ROWDY BEHAVIOUR, ABANDONED VEHICLES, STREET DRINKING, AGGRESSIVE BEGGING, CRACK HOUSES AND DRUG DEALERS, PROSTITUTION AND KERB CRAWLING.
ANTI SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR. If you see it in your area, we want to hear about it. Your local authority and the police are working hard to tackle anti-social behaviour, but we can’t do it without you. That’s why we’ve set up the TOGETHER phone line 0845 6052222. If you’ve witnessed or experienced anti-social behaviour, one call from you will ensure that whatever’s bothering you can be dealt with. Whether it’s litter in the street, dealers in the park or nuisance neighbours next door – you don’t have to tolerate it. By tackling anti-social behaviour together, we can help make where you live, a better place to live.”
In desperation - I called the number - got through the system to speak to someone from the local council I think, explained the whole story, and was told that my situation was bigger than they could handle, was more a police matter and was not something they could deal with - goodbye! Jeeze – so that leaflet is in reality, actually just a meaningless political PR exercise!!!!!! I'm on my own!!!!!. . . lay down and tried to nap. May even have almost nodded off, until startled by Sally barking and the door bell ringing. Shut Sally in the kitchen, grabbed my pen knife and looked through the 'spy hole'. It was Sis1 popping in to commiserate. Coffee and chats, pretty much on the only subject for discussion at the moment, which is making me feel sick. Both touched base with Mum. . . walked (scared) a little late after Sis1 had gone. A group of half a dozen or so, little girls (if I had daughters that age I wouldn't let them out at that time of night in the dark) walked past me as I passed the chip shop. One of them said "Oh I think that dog's lush". She was corrected by others in the group who said deliberately loudly, I was a prick, a paedophile and a dog shagger. So - there it is. He's carried out his threats hasn't he. I'm gonna have to move away. My relatively ok life here, for more than the last twenty years, is ended just like that by the yobs. No one cares, no one can or will help - I'll be lucky to escape with my life - REALLY!!. I can't believe this is happening. I'm gonna be financially ruined. Everything I've ever saved and worked for and gone without for all these years has pretty much been my home. Just like that, it's all been for nothing. I'm in shock a bit I think. How do you sell a house in this condition real quick? How little is it worth like this? What would that enable me to afford - and where should I go? My future 'security' and peace of mind was my home. It's been everything to me. All gone, just like that. I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. :o( . .sat on the bench over the field in the dark and the drizzle and smoked a cigarette. I know I have the emotional support of BB and my family in all of this, but frankly, I've never ever felt so completely and utterly alone before. I feel TOTALLY abandoned and rejected by society and the world. I AM the outcast! :o( . . stopped off at the chip shop on the way home and bought fish and chips (maybe I'd be able to eat that?). The nice young guy behind the counter I chat to occasionally (usually about how bad the area has become) made the mistake of asking how I was. I told him. Made him pretty speechless. He asked who it was who'd done this to me. I don't know - I couldn't tell him. . . forced down a little of the fish and maybe half a dozen chips before treating Sally to all the rest. . . left a message for PS to read my journal if he has a spare moment. Probably best if he doesn't come round ever again. . . BB called to touch base. I started the conversation saying she was no longer welcome to come here. I didn't mean it the way she at first took it. It's just that, the plans we had gently begun to make about her coming here to live with me, maybe permanently - well - that's no longer possible is it. :o( . . . sat in front of the TV in total despair until around 1am. Took a couple of Co-Codamol pain killers with my prozac before bed, in the hope of deadening my chest pain enough for some sleep tonight. paccccs
11 - Not much sleep and then back up in pain at 5:25am. . . PCd a bit of this . . . walked. Horrible - every sniggered comment, every sideways look from the passing schoolkids was torture. Handed a piece of paper with the web address of this page, to the school teacher I'd left my name and address with the other morning. Not sure why - I just want someone/anyone to know what is actually going on - what is happening to me, and what I suppose could actually happen to anyone who puts up a little resistance to the rising tide of yobbishness. I'm SO tempted to see if the local newspaper would be interested. I can't recall ever having read about anything like this - except on occasions in the national press when some innocent guy has been falsely accused of paedophilia and has then ultimately been found beaten to death in his home! :o( . . . just sat around, chain smoking (not clever cause coughing hurts and requires bending over double) , unable to do anything - or think about anything but! I need to shower (still haven't since my beating) and clean up the place, but what's the point? I need groceries (coffee and sugar actually - I'll be out and drinking water by tonight!!) but I don't want to have to go out amongst people. I need to do laundry - and put all my egg stained clothes in the wash, but what difference will that make to anything? I guess I need to eat (haven't hardly for days), but I've still no appetite. I don't want to be in such physical pain, but despite the Co-Codamol tablets, there's no escaping it. I want to sleep, but I can't. I'm slipping into a depressive state - I know it's happening - but there's not a damn thing I can do about it. .The BBC news was on in front of me on the TV as I was lost in my bleak thoughts. "Lord Lichfield has died at the age of 66" they announced. My subconscious presented me with the spontaneous response - lucky b*****d. . Popped a Co-codamol tablet and actually started feeling a little sleepy, so raced to lay down in case I could. . Sally started barking and there was a knock at the door. I really should dig out that heart rate/blood pressure monitor I think I still have laying around somewhere. The POUNDING of my heart in my painful chest when anyone comes to the door now is astonishing!!! This'll be knocking a few years off my life expectancy - or maybe it's proving I have a strong heart?! Turned out to be the delivery guy with something for next door (again!). . actually managed to sleep for an hour or so before woken with more panic and stress as the kid next door called round for his parcel! . . . more sitting around. Attempted to PC a little and start looking at property sites - but everything was beyond my means, no matter what little I may get for this place from some property speculator or builder. . . put in a bit of time surfing/searching through my own journal putting two and two together. I don't record here 'everything' that has happened, so much of the daily abuse I get from kids when walking Sally isn't mentioned, - but I DID find a little historical trail involving that kid (or Charlie, if that IS his name). March 17th and then particularly April 22nd and on over the following days. So - I guess that's how this all began!! :o( . . .lay down wrapped in a duvet, ignoring the phone and waited until I'd have to venture out into the dark to walk Sally. . .eventually picked up one of PS calls and explained I felt it best if he didn't come round again. Hard to explain - but I can't handle the prospect of 'something happening' while someone else is here, and them getting all involved in something nasty because of me!! Guilt?!! . . getting my boots on and getting dressed up ready for Sally's walk is a loathsome nerve wracking business now, all short breaths, heart pounding, hands shaking. Walked - hyper vigilant. Found 2p. Over by the field, actually parked with lights out, 'in' the junction, more or less on top of the 'Emergency Vehicles Only' words was a police car!! Excellent place to be sat! Oh my god - WHAT joy!! As I walked by, the driver looked over and said good evening. 'It's good to see you' was my reply. God HOW I meant it!! If it hadn't meant probably being arrested for 'common assault', I'd have kissed him! . I reached the inside corner of the 'L' shaped field before bursting into tears and crying as I walked up towards the top. Crying I think with relief - and sadness for the state of me - that the sight of them had made me feel, for a little while at least, that I'd be 'safe' this walk. . Uh oh - oh god - how embarassing!!! There I was walking along blubbering when I bumped into three of the usual lady dog walkers. Impossible to fully hide the state I was in, so I ended up having to tell them my version of events. Left them speechless and carried on with the walk. The police car was just leaving its spot as I approached the exit to the field - and proceeded with blue lights flashing to stop a vehicle up on the main road. Walked straight home (the 'cowards' way, avoiding my usual route past my attackers house) still all hyper vigilant, looking around and keeping an eye on every passing car. Poor Sally seems to be picking up on my 'uptightness' and (on top of her having already lost a little confidence since her RTA) seemed to pay more than usual attention to passing cars, and 'backed off' a little as they drove by. :o( . . .just through the door back home and Mum called to check on me. Half way through the conversation there was someone at the door. Poor Mum - the sound of Sally barking and me going to the door seemed to make her as up tight about it as I was!! Turned out to be PS. Oh my god - his wife and daughter had read my journal and had then given him a shopping list and sent him out to buy me coffee and groceries!!! He'd turned up with three carrier bags of food - and refused any paymnt for it. I was very moved (and really don't know how to respond to such generosity and kindness - because I don't know how to be like that!). PS didn't want to be kissed. lol . Actually - I also received a long and powerful e-mail from DS discussing my options, which also moved me greatly. I haven't many people in my life, but those I do have, are of really rather high quality. I doubt my own standing in such company. . turned out that PS had arrived earlier when I was out, and that a neighbour a few doors down (who I believe knows nothing of my recent events) told him I was out walking the dog and had gone in such and such a direction, would be 'so' long, and would be coming back from such and such direction!! (Blimey! I'm SUCH an easy target aren't I!! ) PS had ended up walking round the local field, on his own in the dark looking for me, calling me on his mobile phone!!! Gulp - what a mate. . brief chats and coffee before PS headed home. Thank you. Started to feel a bit more in control of myself. .felt a bit hungry, and was tempted by some of the stuff that PS had brought - all 'expensive' stuff I wouldn't normally buy. Wiped out the brickdust from a pan (haven't cleared up from using the disc cutter in the house yet) and ended up TVing and eating eight fish fingers with four pieces of bread and butter as sandwiches. First bit of 'proper' eating for a while, thank goodness. . . touched base with BB . . . TVd until tablets and bed around 1am. pcccccs
12 - Woke around 6am . . . PCd briefly and then 'steeled' myself to start getting ready for Sally's walk. Hang on - wow - it's Saturday! Phew. No school kids. WHAT a relief. . . BB called briefly to touch base . . .walked. Re-erected a barrier that is near a house that's being done up, that yobs had knocked over in the night blocking the pavement. Found 3p. Probably still more vigilant than usual, I noticed something on a speeding sign that I pass twice a day. It's one of the 'relatively' new signs that have been put up in the vicinity of the school, poorly clamped to a lamp post, loosened and dragged down to around waist height by vandals. It had been written on with an indelible marker. That name is gonna start to haunt me isn't it!! I wonder? I wonder if that bottom name is a surname? Different handwriting. Arrrgggh - obsessive madness!!! :o( . carried on with the walk. . How disappointing. Only feet away from where that police car had been parked last night, there was a dumped, burned out stolen car with bits of personal effects and debris (a lot of tachograph discs?) littered roundabout!!! Shame they didn't park there for longer last night. A distance away across the junction was a pair of scissors just laying in the road. Salvaged those and popped them in a pocket - together with some weird rainsoaked bag of fragrant stuff (car air freshner?) I didn't actually want, but which I figured 'could' act as weight to my claim of having just found them, if I was stopped on the street carrying scissors!! Walked round the field and sat on the bench near the childrens swings for my cigarette. Laying right there in the wet grass was a claw hammer!!! Well - guess I'll add that to my toolbox as well, although, after recent events, I was VERY uncomfortable with the idea of walking home carrying a pair of scissors AND a hammer!!!!!! Ended up rehearsing what I'd do if I was stopped by police. Something along the lines of put my hands on my head and immediately tell them what I had in my coat and why - but really - who would believe me?!! Wrapped the hammer in poop scoop bags and put it half in a pocket, with Sally's ball rammed in on top before heading home. (had a quick look to see if the stolen push bike (or was it two?) I'd spotted yesterday from a distance (I'd definitely not been in the mood to investigate), was still half hidden by the bushes against the rugby club fence. It was gone except for a saddle laying in the undergrowth.) Somewhere back past the burned out car, there was a 48x CD-R labelled 'To 20' laying on the grass covered in rain. Despite the water, the silver foil appeared to be 'mostly' intact, so I figured it was worth trying when I got home. Back walking towards the shops, smoke was drifting out of the refuse bin! For goodness sake!!!!!!! Popped into the newsagent and borrowed his kettle full of water and doused the smouldering. Just someone's careless disposal of a cigarette I guess, at this time of day. Is it just me? Are other peoples lives full of such bizarre nonsense all the time? You know those car stickers you can get? - "A Dog Is For Life, Not Just For Christmas". They should add a warning that when you walk it twice a day, big S**T is liable to happen in your life!! I think this is now a large part of why my journal is still on-line. This incredulous disbelief that my tiny little world, is like it is. I'm kinda holding it up and saying - Oh my god, look!!!???? I AM Victor Meldrew - "I don't believe it!". . . Look - if the gods are listening - I get the bloody message! I'm GONNA go (somewhere?!!!!!!!) - I just want a little more time is all - for the house/£! . . . PCd this and tried the CD-R I'd found. Weird insight into someone elses life (who was waking up this morning without their car!). Top twenty type mixture from a little while ago, with just one or two tracks corrupted by the rain . . .poor worried Mum called to check up on me again! I reported that I was actually feeling rather better this morning (after my definite dip into my 'dark place' yesterday). For the moment, getting a 'slightly' better grip on the situation, and actually being rather bemused by it all!! In a funny way - at least 'some' of the impact of all this, is lost on me - and seems to be affecting others who care for me, almost more (which is making me feel oh SO guilty!!!!!!!!!). After all - I've been beaten before (more than once?). I've been burgled before ( so have already experienced having had someone invade my safe space). So, 'these parts of me' have already been stripped away in the past. :o/ I'm even able to think about that kid differently. Kinda like - with a father like that, no wonder he is, like he is. There's little hope for him is there? Sad. And his father - assuming he genuinely believes me to be a paedophile - I guess in his own warped mind, he was just protecting his family (which is presumably why he stood waiting for the police to arrive?)!! Still - doesn't change the fact I think the world would be far better off without such people allowed to exist in it!! :o( . . .oh my god - what's that!!!! Hmmm - just the post. Turned out to be a letter from 'Victim Support Avonvale'. You know - I think I may actually call them next week (after Monday when I will hopefully have a better idea of how things are panning out) and ask some questions. . . sat around in front the TV mostly . . .eventually made up a couple of garlic sausage sandwiches and managed to eat . . . napped from around 3pm. . woken just after 6pm by PS calling, saying 'tonight?'. . funny how my mood and mindset is flip flopping a bit at the moment. I'd felt just a bit 'stronger' before sleep. Upon waking I felt pretty paranoid again. Almost the first thought that went through my mind (good grief - it's so obvious - why didn't I think of that this morning?!!!) was that maybe that hammer I found, had 'my name on it' - in more ways than one!! F****** paranoia! Jeezuz. :o( . . . walked. Scared to death by someones dog racing all the way up the field in the dark behind me to romp with Sally. Actually took some little pleasure in telling yet another dog walker my tale. Funny thing is - for all I know, he could have been the guy that attacked me. If my attacker walked in my room right now, I wouldn't recognise him from Adam!! That makes things in my mind even scarier somehow! Eventually back home with my now customary relief, and amazement that the house and car was still there. . .touched base with BB . . . PS popped round for chats and biscuits and TV. Caught just a tiny snippet of the rememberance day concert thing on TV. Some little boy had to stand in front of all the assembled crowds and do a short speech. He did it SO incredibly well, with almost no hint of nerves, I was astonished and full of admiration (and envy!). I once had to recite some poem or other at a school concert in front of everyone. 'The River Tees' it was called - can't recall a word of it except the name. Made me SO uptight and worried, I couldn't eat for days and was physically sick beforehand. . . ate a couple of ham sandwiches from the PS donated groceries after he'd gone . . . eventually to bed around 1:30am. psccccc
13 - Woken by BB calling just after 7am. I'm not good when having just woken. "Just ringing to check on you" she said. 'Yeah - I'm STILL alive' was my miserable response!!! :o( . . .walked. Sat on the seat near the swings for a cigarette and noticed lots of little plastic yellow balls laying around in the grass and all over the place. Blimey - I think I know what those are! 22 air/bb gun pellets. Jeezuz. :o( . . . walked back my 'usual' route. LB called out of her window as I walked by saying what a nice morning it was. I hadn't noticed but guess she was right. I suggested she pop down for a coffee - I wanted to tell her about recent events. LB popped in. I told her all about things. LB is NEVER speechless. lol :o) . . . Mum called to touch base. Somehow ended up talking to her for much of the morning. . . watched the rememberance day stuff from the cenotaph on TV. Dunno why, but this recent stuff I've been going through, has kinda opened me back up a little in terms of empathy and emotional response and such. More than ever, I find myself deeply affected by the suffering of others. Found myself getting upset during the two minutes silence, imagining the hell SO many people must have been through in wars. I'm not sure I should actually admit this here - cause it'll make me look seriously weird - but - the thoughts occurred to me yesterday, so I may as well record the fact. If I were to be killed by some act of agression - like being beaten to death in my own living room, for having done nothing much at all - after having tried as best I could to live a life which involved causing as little suffering to any living thing as I was able - it would 'please me' to have someone go to Poland with my ashes, and somehow sneak them onto the site at Auschwitz II - Birkenau (with due apology to the existing residents), and lose them there. Don't ask me why - but I even know where I'd want them - near that pond over on the right hand side there somewhere, to the left of the track, with the woods over on the right. VERY crazy stuff. Dunno why - that place IS my 'spiritual home' somehow. . . ate biscuits and sucked treacle toffey and just sat around with the central heating on . . . I've gotta do it some time. It's VERY overdue! I finally got round to having my first shower since - um - 'the incident'. It had started to become a bit of a 'thing' for me. Something along the lines of not wanting to be in SUCH a vulnerable state (in my own home!! Sheesh!) I live on my own of course, so it was most unusual - but I actually ended up sliding the little metal bolt across on the bathroom door, before I could face getting in the shower. I just HAD to! lol That struck me as SUCH a funny thing, I actually ended up smiling to myself throughout the long , longggg hot shower. Forced myself to sit around in front of the TV in only a bath robe afterwards, just to make sure I could still. lolololololololol . . . called BB at 1:30pm and woke her up early as she'd asked me to . . . TVd/PCd. I've had a couple of supportive feedbacks from the site these last few days. I received some more feedback just before laying down for a nap (which is of course always the worst time to receive 'bad' stuff to dwell on! You'd have thought I'd have learned by now, not to check for mail before napping wouldn't you!). "Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted on Sunday, November 13, 2005 at 13:58:31. Subject: Your horrid little site. Comments: You're a tosser". It DID include a hotmail e-mail address (but on this occasion I will refrain from including it!). Felt like being kicked when you're down! . eventually napped until around 6pm. . couldn't help myself doing a search for the e-mail address of that feedback person. Only one relevant return. Turned out to be a 'personal' advert on one of 'those' sites - seeking uncomplicated physical relations with another guy!! Complete with photographs of 'parts' of him!!!! Made my flesh crawl! There is something about the way search engines pick up on ALL the words in my journal entries that - um - well - like, look at some of the things I've typed on here recently because of what has happened. Someone searching for such phrases would have my site newly returned wouldn't they! Ewwww. I'm beginning to rather think that my house AND my website will have the same lifespan for me. :o( . Actually - I also got some other feedback, from someone who seemed rather distressed that I didn't use paragraphs on my journal!!! lol Uhuh - yeah - let me worry about that right now! Aside from the fact that my (with hindsight - my rather poor) education never really taught me when to do so - it's also to do with how all this began. My journal isn't like 'writings'. It's more a blow by blow commentary on the passage of my time. 'Life' isn't in paragraphs and chapters, except in hindsight. The series of full stops I throw in all over the place, I use as a 'time passed' indicator. It was a conscious decision NOT to use nice layout on this part of the website when I first started because, despite being ignorant of whatever it is in reality, my gut feeling told me that to do so, I would be 'wasting' a part of the relatively small amount of finite webspace I'd been allotted. Content over image. So - there ya go. Sorry and all that. Personally, I would have thought my decision to have the most recent entry at the top - thereby forcing multiple days to be read in reverse (my theory being - less scrolling for 'regular' readers (eeek - WHAT an ego!). I laboriously cut and paste and turn it all around when I 'roll over' the month) would be FAR more aggravating! Yeah - go on - 'tis isn't it! lolololololololol . . .walked . . . touched base with BB . . .TVd and managed to watch most of the Lord of The Rings Two Towers film that was on. It IS spectacular and all that, but damn, it's just a gruesome and bloody, war film isn't it?!! Dark - brooding - not 'nice' at all. And in my newly heightened state of empathic weirdness - I couldn't help imagining the experience of people in history when mounted sworded warfare and seiges were commonplace. maybe I should have watched my new Fawlty Towers DVDs instead!!! . . . ate bowls of muesli and then eventually to bed in the early hours. pssccccc
14 - Up around 6:30am. . I'm getting better at kinda rolling out of bed whilst in a foetal position, to reduce the chest pain involved in the excercise. Actually - dare I hope there is some indication of the pain lessening? Dunno - maybe it's just the cumulative effect of popping all these tablets . . .briefly touched base with BB before being eager to get out of the house early, before school kids were about. My electronic indoor/outdoor thermometer said the outside temperature was 2 degrees C (only fifteen in the house), but there was ice on all the cars. Walked round the local field in the frost under a clear sky (wow - there ARE rabbits by that fence. How lovely.) and then decided to have a go at giving Sally a nice long walk down the river. My legs are working fine - just my chest still hurting like hell. Sally was overjoyed by the suggestion. :o) It HAS been a while hasn't it. . Leaving the bottom of the field, I passed a section of chain link fencing that someone has partially cut down. Did a brief bit of Sherlock Holmes and sure enough, THAT was where those bolt cutters I found the other day at the top of the field, were used! . . . walked down to the boating lake in Eastville Park and sat on a not too icy seat, watching the swans and ducks, and the mist rising off the water for quite a while. Beautiful. Good to be out. What was it in that Forest Gump film - where he started running one day and just didn't stop. Tempted to just keep walking and never go back - but I guess It's a bit cold for that at this time of year. My life is a testament to 'bad timing'! Always has been. :o( . . bit short of breath with my painful chest (after having inhaled all that brick dust and with my recent constant chain smoking, because I can't cough properly, it's threatening to 'drown' me!!!!) , but not 'too' bad at all, so ended up doing the FULL walk, including climbing up to sit on poop scoop bags in the rising sun by the monument at Purdown. . eventually back down to Snuff Mills and along the river. . sitting (poop scoop bags on a sheet of ice) with Sally at one of my usual smoking stops, I could hear a dog yelping in distress in the distance. Sounded like a dog fight I thought. As I carried on with the walk, I rounded a curve in the path past a huge old fallen tree stump heading in the direction of Frenchay Bridge , and saw a guy just climbing out of the river not far below that weird concrete 'sluice' area!!! He'd apparantly jumped in to save his little dog which had presumably fallen in and got into trouble - a tiny little thing the size of a rabbit, wearing a coat! He was accompanied by a couple of women, so there was nothing I could offer - except my poorly worded praise for what he'd done. God he must have been FREEZING!! Hope he lived nearby. . stopped off at the Morrisons store in Fishponds and bought two ready cooked chickens for a fiver. I couldn't get in and out of there quick enough - so of course the guy in front of me at the till had a load of hassle with his unsigned chip and unknown pin card (the woman on the till should have impounded it! Isn't that the whole point of them?) and I was stood in the queue for ages until he eventually came up with some cash. I seem to be terribly short tempered with everyone/everything right now and have to be careful how that manifests. . . crossing the local field, one of the old lady dog walkers chatted about a leaflet the locals have had put through their doors. Apparantly, the long awaited changes (kids play area - other areas fenced off from dogs) to the field are going ahead (despite as I recall from that meeting I attended, a large feeling in the community of 'why bother - tackle the yobbish behaviour first!'). I think she was a little taken aback when I said, quite frankly - I couldn't care less right now!! . . nearer home, forcing myself to walk my 'usual' route, I bumped into another dog walker (the wife of a guy I only recently recognised as someone who used to be a postman down in the sorting office, years ago when I was), who said something about not having seen much of me recently - which gave me the perfect 'in', for me to say I'd been laying a bit low of late and to tell her my tale. I'd really, REALLY wanted to bump into one of them for a chat - they live on the same side of that road, only a handful of doors away (I think) from the guy who attacked me. Ha! . . back home by around 11:30am. Just going in my front door when I spotted something on the outside of the door. I've been so eager to just get back inside to relative safety these last few days after walking Sally, I'd not noticed before. Evidence of footmark(s) on the door!!! One in particular, about two feet from the bottom, was still SO clear (despite the rain and frost and such over the last few days), it was even possible to identify some of the tread pattern! I HAD to try and get a photo of it. I mean - if that guy pleads not guilty and it goes to court, and he claims in his defence that I dragged him into my house to come stand on my chest - well - how did THAT get there? Why didn't someone from the police come and take photos, just in case there would be a trial? My kitchen door is stained and ruined. The vertical angle edging I meticulously nailed, cemented and plastered into the wall at the bottom of the stairs has been damaged and bent / dented, and the plaster broken around it. That can't be repaired (without stripping the whole wall right back again) and will serve as a painful small eyesore reminder for evermore. The front door has somehow been subtly damaged somewhere - small bits of paint or filler keep appearing on the carpet, and its 'resonant frequency' has altered and is more prone to 'buzzing' as loud engined/stereod cars pass by (not good for shattered nerves). Egg stains still mark parts of the front of the house, and broken shells litter the garden. All small inconsequential stuff in relation to the permanent damage/change that has been done to my 'mind' of course. I am no longer the person I was only last week, and never will be again. :o( . . .touched base with Mum and returned her two ansaphone messages asking if I was still ok. Damn, I SO wish she wasn't worrying so much. Wish I'd never told her about all this. :o( . . . watched Judge Judy on TV and had a go at eating half a chicken with three pieces of bread and butter. Managed to get through it ok. I can ALWAYS eat chicken so it seems. Finished off by sucking some treacle toffey and watching a 'Teleport replay' of a 'StreetCrime UK' episode. The voice-over happily announcing - "bringing the fight against crime into YOUR living room". Uh huh - really!!!! :o/ . . . napped until around 3pm . . . PCd this. Well - I confess I was rather hoping for a phone call from someone (police?) today, to tell me what was going on. So much for that idea. Tomorrow I will call them! :o( . . .LB and PS both called to see if I was 'ok'. Yep - still alive. :o( . . . walked - accompanied half way round the field by a concerned lady dog walker (JOs wife). Occurs to me, she should have been more concerned for her OWN safety, risking walking in MY company these days!! :o/ . . . <ramble><ramble><incessant ramble!!??>. . . touched base with BB . . . Ok. This is the last one. I'm NOT gonna waste my time reading them and make my journal just a daily list of immature feedback abuse. I'm gonna disable the submission part of my feedback form, just like I did the guestbook. "Below is the (anonymous - bogus e-mail address supplied) result of your feedback form. It was submitted on Monday, November 14, 2005 at 21:55:00. Subject: coward. name: Len. Comments: Jesus Christ, following a child half your size on his trip to school and and then trying to intimidate him? Pick on someone your own size. Oh sorry I forgot, you just cling onto the legs of people your own size.". . .TVd. . . ate a handful of biscuits and a little chocolate. pcccs
15 - Up around 7:30am. BB called soon after. . . damn! Up too late - school time! Sat around in front of the TV attempting to let the clock tick by until getting on for nine o'clock, when the coast should be a 'little' more clear. Sorry Sally - you're gonna just have to cross your legs for a while longer. :o( . . . walked around 9am. Rounding the corner near the shops, the usual large group of truants (getting on for a dozen?) were brazenly walking away from the direction of the school (again, in full view of the seemingly powerless teachers doing gate duty). One of them referring to me started shouting out something about how I'd taken his 'katty' - or something or other, which I really didn't understand. I DID at least understand the shouts of 'F****** A******' which were called after me. .over the field, not far from the childrens swings were the remains of what I assume to be one of those personal safes you can buy these days - all broken open and just left there. . .PCd this. God I feel as though I'm being crushed by the pressure. :o( What's that thing where you do short sharp breaths - ALL the time!!!!? Hyperventilating? How long can you keep on like that before it affects your health, somehow? . . .attempted to call the police number I'd been given, in the hope of being given some news. The number I was put through to, rang and rang and wasn't answered. Eventually gave up and called again. The call handler attempted to put me through to Trinity Road police station, but that was engaged!!! Arrrggghh!! . . . Mum called to check in . . .tried to do something else but couldn't, and ended up going round and round on the phone, being put on hold, put through to no-one, cut off etc etc. before finally getting through to someone in a crime handling centre or something, in Southmead. Explained everything (pleaded!) and sat there waiting for an age while he played with his computer screens. He finally said he'd call me back. . a little after midday he did so. My attacker (no, he can't give me his name) HAD appeared before Bristol Magistrates on Monday. He'd pleaded NOT GUILTY. (I don't believe it!!!) His bail conditions were that he should not attempt to make contact with me and should not come within 10yds of my address. The 'listing date' was 6th January, at which time a court date would be set for some time in the future. . . I dunno. I'm not entirely sure I can actually handle all this. I wish he'd just kept on stamping and put me out of my fucking misery when he had the chance. . . . . headachey. Back to bed. Meter reader called at the door at some point but I didn't get to see who it was before he'd already given up and moved on. Back to bed. . . walked. Actually passed 'that kid' for the first time since 'the incident'. He'd just climbed over the fence out of the school grounds carrying one of those aluminium fold up scooters. I think we briefly exchanged glances. He looked happier than I. . . Oh my god. You couldn't 'make this up' could you! It'd be just too far fetched to be believed. Up the top of the field hidden in the undergrowth in the pitch black (although a full-ish moon so actually kinda cold and bright) was a Gilera moped, with the security chain laying nearby on the grass. It's just never ending isn't it?!!!! Pulled my phone and torch out, and swearing out loudly in frustration, began to call the police non-emergency number to report it and have it taken away, before whoever had put it there returned for it (which is how it works, according to a policeman I once called in when I found suitcases of stolen dumped stuff). When I finally got through to speak to someone (around 7:05pm), the call went like it almost always does. "Hello, I'm trying to report a stolen dumped moped I've found hidden in a hedge." ; "How do you know it's stolen?" ; "Well it's a bloody funny place to park it!!!" - why oh why oh why do they always say that - as though I'm some sort of total idiot ringing them up for no reason?! Bloody infuriating. Gave all the details and the registration number ("oh yes. That vehicle IS of interest to us." Oh really. ) and attempted to describe (with difficulty) where it was, but then suggested, if someone actually WAS going to come out, I'd hang around at the top of the field by the nearby pub and show them exactly where it was hidden. During the call, three of the usual lady dog walkers joined me, and one or more of them started putting two and two together (duh!) and actually concluded they'd seen the kids putting it there and had then seen them walking up and down suspiciously nearby, presumably waiting for the dog walkers to clear!! They would even have been able to give a description of them!! (So - why did it take ME walking up here, before the police were called? Grrrr) I let the call handler on the phone know 'witnesses' were currently on scene. Shortly after I'd finished the call (trying to talk real quick because the mobile was real low on batteries), another dog walker or two joined our little group of shadows, and happily announced they'd passed ANOTHER motorbike in the bushes down the bottom of the field (and had done nothing about it????)!!!!! Jeeeeezuz! . . left the group in the middle of the field and went and sat on a bench up on the main road opposite the pub, smoking cigarettes in the cold, waiting to attract the attention of the police when they arrived. At around 7:40pm I called the police AGAIN, (amused myself by letting one of the lady dog walkers hear the 'on hold - in a queue' music), finally got through to speak and asked if anyone was actually gonna be attending - and just for their information, there were reports of another motorcycle in the field (details of which I could not give). I think I may have apologised for my angry short tempered attitude - but I just couldn't believe I was still sat there like an idiot, with no one attending. I was getting bloody cold! The poor call handler made further entries on her computer system, assured me someone WOULD shortly be attending, and said whoever it was would be calling me on my mobile shortly, to give me an E.T.A.. Ok. . . I waited. In fact - I made up my mind to wait for however long it took for someone to arrive, just so that I knew how long it'd taken them - so I could be suitably outraged (and note it here)! . I know it isn't the fault of the police or any of the call handlers. I feel SO sorry for them. They are SO short staffed - and have to endure my silly ranting! After all - if it was a choice between attending somewhere for a found stolen moped - or attending someone being beaten up in their own living room - well, it's obvious isn't it. There just aren't enough police for how society has gone. No where near enough - but people just aren't aware of what is REALLY going on 'out there' are they! . one by one all the other dogwalkers succumbed to the cold and headed home. .I waited - cold - scared - incredulous - frustrated- angry. I wonder how many people know how that feels? To call the police like that - wait for them - and they just don't come. A weird powerless feeling of 'abandonment' somehow. Not good. :o( . . . smoked a bunch. Walked up and down and across the field a few times, letting Sally have a nice wander around off her lead, but as much as anything else, to make sure the moped was STILL there, and hadn't been sneaked away in the dark. That would have looked just great wouldn't it - if the police finally arrived after my calls and ranting, and the damn thing wasn't there!! . . . I eventually figured waiting around like this was just madness, and I was SO cold, I decided to walk down the field (keeping an eye out for any arriving police) to warm up and maybe see if the other bike was still down wherever the dog walkers had seen it. . not far from the cycle track, I found a reflective waistcoat type thing laying on the grass. I did think about putting it on, rather than carrying it, but it smelled lots of petrol so I didn't. Further on down, laying in the nettles under one of the few large trees was a full face crash helmet (without a vizor). I pushed the reflective waistcoat into the helmet and carried it with me, and headed for where I just KNEW the bike was probably dumped - those same overhanging branches at the bottom of the field where Sally caught a pigeon, where someone was once sleeping rough, where kids go to the toilet, have sex and drink and do drugs, and where I've seen more than one stolen dumped bike. . Wow - it was STILL there!! Turned out it wasn't in 'quite' the usual place under the overhang. Instead, it was fairly well hidden by just being pushed into the undergrowth a few yards further along - pretty much on that corner of the field. Wow - a newish Yamaha Virago in pretty good nick. I'd almost decided to buy one of those once - just before getting Sally changed my life. (can't just leave Sally at home alone and go running around on a bike can I? And what if I got killed in an accident? Who'd know to race to my home and rescue Sally?) I'd figured it'd be a nice little baby run around replacement for my old 400 Honda. It was around 8:40pm when I called the police YET AGAIN, and gave the deatils of THAT bike, as well as venting some of my anger and frustration on the poor female call handler (who I DID apologise to, more than once I hope. Even ranted on that she should look at my bloody website - cause she'd eventually be able to SEE the bike I was reporting!! Look - if you aren't gonna send anyone out, then I'LL have the bloody thing! Its a nice bike! I've found a helmet and a fluorescent jacket - I found some gloves the other day - I'm good to go!!). She was very forgiving - took all the details, said I'd done enough, and suggested I should go home now. I was real cold. I did go home - although couldn't help walking my 'usual' route past that guys house, because only just down that road was someone who usually has a Virago sat in their driveway. I just needed to know. Turned out THAT bike was still safely sat there, under covers. . . stormed home, REALLY angry about the police STILL not having attended, nearly two hours after my first call! . . Maybe anger is better than fear? Started to PC this but really wasn't in the mood. Just then at 9:05pm my mobile phone rang. It was a police officer (FINALLY!!!) over the field investigaing my reports, and asking for directions to the bikes because he couldn't find them. Did my best. He didn't call back, so I guess he found them. . .Dunno why but I've been forced to think recently, quite a lot about a poem I'd heard in the past. I couldn't remember it (could only remember its wider meaning) but I couldn't help myself going on line and searching it out for another read.

They came for the communists, and I did not speak up because I wasn't a communist;
They came for the socialists, and I did not speak up because I was not a socialist;
They came for the union leaders, and I did not speak up because I wasn't a union leader;
They came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak up for me ....
Attributed to Pastor Martin Niemöller.

I think somehow, it is kinda my position, that 'anti social behaviour' is a continuum, from small stuff by individuals, through to big stuff by a State. Given the abhorrent lessons of well known history, at what point along that continuum can a person of good conscience, 'just look the other way'?! At what point, with what events does that start - and where then, will it end? . . And 'I' am the 'coward'? I am overwhelmed with despair. . . touched base with BB . . . TVd. Briefly called Mum and suggested she turn on a TV show (BBC1, 'One Life' - about a rare woman with 'double everything' down below, who got pregnant in both!! Happy ending.), but she was already watching it, and called me back afterwards to touch base . . . ate half a chicken with four pieces of bread and butter around 11pm . . . eventually tablets and then to bed around 1am. pccccs
16 - Up around 7:20am. . . rushed a coffee, cigarette and co-co. tablet and got out to walk before the majority of the kids were on the street. Actually eager to get over the field and see what had become of those two motorbikes. (If they were still there, I was gonna be sorely tempted to dial the emergency number, 999, and report that the Bristol police appeared to have gone missing, and should all be added to the missing persons database!!) . .walking with Sally towards the shops, two young girls wearing 'hijabs'(?) ran away from me screaming and hid in the newsagents doorway!!! Actually - experience suggests, this was just a childish reaction to Sally, because whatever culture that is, they seem to teach their kids to be 'afraid' of dogs or think them 'unclean' or something. Nevertheless - it hurt. . The Gilera moped was gone, but they HAD left the security lock behind. Laying next to that in the grass was a cellotaped-up carrier bag absolutely full of make up and such girly stuff. (££?)You'd have thought they would have taken that away with the bike - in case it was the owners personal effects!? I resisted the desire to hand it in to a police station somewhere, and just dumped it all by the poop scoop bin at the top of the field for some council worker to dispose of maybe (more likely for some kids to throw around). . At the other end of the field, all trace of the Virago, helmet and fluorescent jacket were gone (the safe is still laying in the grass nearby). .the only trouble with getting out at this time, to try and avoid all the school kids, is of course I'll have to run the gauntlet of walking past them all on the way home! Managed it relatively 'unscathed', with only a few taunts of 'bin man' called out from the school yard behind me as I waited for the pedestrian controlled lights to change. . . PCD this - at length - again!. . .Mum called. I guessed it was her, and simply picked the phone up and said 'STILL alive!' lol Poor Mum . . .TVd . . . back to bed . . . TVd . .defrosted and ate a couple of chicken and mushroom pastry pies. . . walked. .outside the chip shop, 'the kid' was stood with a couple of his friends. I picked my way past, went into the chip shop, walked up to S behind the counter and without turning around quietly whispered to him 'See that kid behind me on the scooter? His dad', and then I walked out. He got it. . blimey. Finished the rest of the walk without incident! Phew. :o) My 'usual' route home is now the same way I go out - avoiding that guys street. I neglected to mention, when talking to that case handling police person at Southmead the other day, he said it WOULD be prudent to prevent further agravating the situation, by avoiding walking that way. Kinda 'gave me permission', not to have to keep forcing myself to walk that way and face my fear. . . PCd this. As I did so, at precisely 7:50pm, eggs were thrown at the house AND the car! :o( Called the police, just so it was logged, for all the good it will do me. Feels like every time I talk to a police person, they look it up on their screen, then act as though I'm probably the bad guy! :o( . . . TVd eventually I think, after having mortice locked the front door from the inside. Never done that before. :o( . . . BB called. . . actually called the victim support people on the phone number listed on the letter they sent me the other day. Dunno what I expected - actually - pretty much what I got I think. . I've had (what I THEN thought were) 'tough' times before, and in my lifetime HAVE actually called the 'Samaritans' as an act of last resort/desperation. They are all nice people of course, but in reality, they seem to offer NOTHING, except a listening ear. Apparantly, that is all some people need to feel loads better about their 'stuff'. To just talk to someone. I don't get that. Never have done. That's never seemed like any help to me whatsoever, in ANY circumstances - in fact, quite the opposite!! . . I vented a bit to the poor woman, probably made her miserable with my tale (and maybe late getting home), and eventually got off the phone and back to exactly where I was before I phoned . . . TVd and watched the Metropolitan Police Commisioner's Dimbleby speech. Around 11:10pm the phone rang. It was a police person apologising that no one had come out to see me, in response to my earlier call. Well I didn't really expect them to - what the hell could they possibly do - except do their pointless PR excercise and say tut tut, isn't it awful - call us if (surely WHEN!) you get another 'attack'? If it wasn't such mental pure hell and torture to be living like this, it would be laughable. . . forced down a bowl of muesli before bed around 12:45am . . some distant shouting in the neighbourhood at precisely 1:11am saw me back at the darkened window for a while, trying to peer unnoticed through the condensation and egg splatter, before eventually back to bed and the oh, SO wonderful oblivion of sleep. If only I didn't have to wake up. I'd settle for that now you know. I really would - without complaint. . I actually read my 'own' journal!! Dunno why - I keep re-reading it as though it may give me a clue as to how to survive this! It doesn't do justice to the effect these recounted events have had on my state of mind (and increasingly, my physical condition). I used to wonder how it was actually possible for the men in the trenches of the First World War, to endure such suffering. To live with the constant stress of not knowing every second of every minute of every day, when the next attack would come and if it would be the one which took their life. I think I know a little bit more about that now - and on top of that, I'm the only one in the trench and everything is aimed at me! Humpty Dumpty. pcccc
17 - Up around 7:20am again. Not sure why - maybe the cold weather - but my chest seems to be hurting a whole lot more this morning, and even from different areas!?:o( . .BB called . . . waited around until almost 9am before (dead man) walking, in the frost. Spoke to a couple of dog walkers I've not seen for a while. Seemed weird, 'they' were still just getting on with living their lives. I am not. . . Mum called. Guessed it was her and confused her by just picking the phone up and saying 'only just!' :o( . . .tried desperately, yet again, to sit down and get on top of all my neglected bills, paperwork, accounts and stuff - but only managed to succeed in reorgansing the big pile before walking away. I DID at least manage to phone the garage I use, and get the car booked in for an MOT test on Monday. Runs out on Tuesday, so not much room for the inevitable fail! :o( . . . sat in front the TV . . . ate half a chicken with four pieces of bread and butter around 1:15pm. I seem to have been having the occasional bouts of tinitis of late - which with my current nervous state, quite often sees me muting the TV and racing to a window to see what is making the noise!! Did exactly that at 1:30pm, and coincedentaly saw 'that kid' scooting past on the opposite side of the road. No reason why he shouldn't of course, but given where his house is and the school and everything else, and under the current circumstances, no reason why he should! :o( . . . TVd. Chilly - only 14 degrees C in the house. Back to my uncomfortable miserly winter routine of restricting myself to only having some heat on in the evenings after I've walked Sally. :o( . . . back to bed and slept for a while until just before 5pm . . . BB called just as I was getting wrapped up to walk at around 7pm. She'd been surfing and ended up submitting some sort of feedback or other about all this, on the police website!!!!! Ohwwww NOooo!! How - um- err - 'embarassing' - or um - 'belittleing' - or - something, but thank you of course!!! :o(. . . as I put the TV remote batteries in my torch and fired up my mobile phone in readiness for tonights 'sortii' into no mans land, the phone announced I had a voicemail message!!! Huh? MUST be from the police - no one else ever calls me on it (I don't actually even know its number! I 'always' (!!!??) give my home number and rely on the police computer screen to tell them my mobile number, whenever I use it!). It was a message from the female police officer (ummm - how did she get my mobile phone number????? I don't think I gave her that, cause it all happened at home! I would have had no reason to?????? Spooky!) who'd originally attended 'the incident' and written all my statement (RSI?), updating me on the outcome of that guys court appearance on Monday (she'd been off on a couple of 'rest' days. Uhuh - I bet they need them too!!!). . Ooooooooohhhh. She said in her message - "Mr XXXXXX went to court on Monday, blah blah blah". Oh dear. lol. SO - now I KNOW, I know his name. lol That's funny. On my little mood swing rollercoaster, that made me feel quite a bit better. So - I'm not going 'quite' so crazy after all. :o) . . a couple of the lady dog walkers over the field joined me for a bit of the walk. One of them announced she'd seen the same kids (the ones who were handling the stolen Gilera moped the other night) over there last night, looking in the hedges and such!!! Sheesh. Felt a bit awkward and somehow we just ended up going our seperate ways in the dark. . . the chip shop was empty and S was on his own behind the counter as I walked by, so I quickly popped in intending to ask if maybe that kid last night had asked him what I'd said after I'd gone (before my house (and car) ended up mysteriously egged - again). I started off by saying something along the lines of "You know when I came in last night? You know what I meant, yeah?" He said he understood, and then without any further prompting from me said that after I'd gone, the kids mates HAD come in and asked him what I'd said to him! (bloody cheek!)! He said he'd 'covered' and said I'd simply said 'Kids are everywhere aren't they'. Nice one. Poor S - I guess I put HIM in a difficult position when I did that, what with his family's livelihood being dependant on chip eating yobs. Sorry. :o( Well - that's 'circumstancial' enough for me thanks very much! So that WAS why I was egged again last night. Makes me feel just a 'little' easier about it. . . PCd this with the front outside light left on (not smashed YET!), to add a little 'inconsistancy' to the battle scene. . . touched base with Mum and BB and attempted to play them the WAV file I recorded to the PC, of the policewoman's ansaphone message. . . TVd. Feels just a little safer, later, funnily enough. After little yobs bed times I guess! . . .aboard my emotional rollercoaster (more like a violently swinging pendulum actually) I felt just a little bit more clear headed for a while, and tried to rather more rationally assess the situation. So far - I've 'only' (!!!) had abuse and 'childish' hassle (eggs) from the local kids haven't I? So far, I feel relatively ok about the defence I have put up against his 'propaganda war', by telling everyone (adults) I speak to (actually - no one else left I ever speak to!), my side of things. So far, I've no evidence of any wider involvement from unconnected nutters in the area, who may have heard the false allegations against me and jumped on some vigilante bandwagon. What I have learned about everything so far, seems to suggest, my 'troubles' are emanating from that single source! I think this is (so far) a reasonable assessment of the situation. A situation which is perhaps not as frightfully bad as my mind insists it is? If only my mind (and body) could accept that!!!! . . . BB called . . . TVd. Ate a tin of spaghetti bolognese, cold, with a spoon, from the tin. . . tablets and eventually to bed after 1am. Sally popped up on the bed briefly and lay down for just a little stroking and chats. I needed that. :o) pcccccs
18 - Up around 6:30am . . . walked early in the freeze without incident, although DID get to tell my tale to the nice young guy I've spoken to on occassions who lives near the field. (That burned out stolen car on the 12th - he said there were TWO there t