July
1 - Up after only a few hours
sleep. Breakfast on the patio . . . PCd a little. . . started to
get ready to work on the door but SH popped round for coffee and
chats about maybe having a go at his website for him. Really
funny to see him try and use my PC keyboard with half the letters
missing!! . . . Got a little paint on part of the door and then
ended up answering LBs call for assistance. Spent a good hour or
two putting together a flat packed, pine 'A' frame garden
table/bench set for her kitchen. Fiddley and wobbley and - well -
frankly if they don't stop eating so much I don't see it lasting
very long! Each to their own! . . . cleaned up and went for a
kebab. . . TVd/PCd (5/10)p
2 - A little more sleep than of
late. Sat in the sun in the garden. Amazing scent from the
honeysuckle which is all starting to flower . . . PCd only to
find that there are problems with the cable ISP again and I can't
get on any sites or get any mail!!!! . . . did a tiny bit to the
front door, had a sandwhich and immediately fell asleep ALL
afternoon!!!!!!!! So much for my active energetic 'doing things'
phase . . . got the bike out and went to Safeway at Fishponds for
essentials - coffee! . . . PS popped in till early . . . PCd.
Something wrong somewhere. SH said he'd sent me an e-mail but no
sign of any at all. Wonder how many I've been sent and not
received? . . . sat in the garden in the wonderful still of the
night watching the odd shooting star till gone 3am. (5/10)ps
3 - Another too hot day. Sat
around for ages feeling somehow 'unsettled' and not good.
Eventually played with the front door a little and then went
shopping on the bike for a change. . .spent ages scraping off the
writing from one of the plastic containers that had the paint for
the house in, so I could use it as a pot for plants, plain white.
Crazy. . . TVd . . . got the bike out and rode to the Old Fox to
catch up with ML who said he'd bring the extension lead he has
managed to get for me. Unfortunately he'd forgotten it!
Overfilled myself with a 40p pint of orange squash and soon
returned home to sit in the garden for a bit. Too hot. Don't like
being this hot - or this full of orange squash! . . . PCd
briefly. (3/10)p
4 - Reasonable amount of sleep
but still woke up feeling tired - and HOT!! Breakfast in the
conservatory watching the pidgeons eat as thunder rolled around
the sky and heavy bursts of rain fell. One pidgeon up on a TV
aerial spreading it's feathers and trying to bathe in the rain -
funny . . . started work on the front room light switch for the
outside light. Usual terrible mess and dust throughout the house
as I chased out a groove in the wall up through the ceiling where
the existing two way living room light cable goes. Cut the power
and fitted the existing cable to one of the new double switches.
Rather confused with the way I had wired it all those years ago
and couldn't quite figure out what went where. Put the power back
on and ended up with the light on constantly! Oooops! Cut the
power again fearing for the health of my ice cream in the freezer
in the heat , and used the multitester to figure it out. Back on
with the power real quick and everything ok. Amazingly couldn't
find any lighting cable in my wire collection so walked up the
road and bought a few metres for next to nothing. Eventually had
it all sorted and cut the power and connected everything up.
Cemented the cables back into the wall together with a new flush
fitting switch box. Celebrated after dark by finding "I'm
putting out the rubbish" excuses to put the light on. . .
Lots of time sat in he garden being quiet and watching the
pidgeons and frog - hardly watched any TV for ages - not enough
hours in the day for the time I could spend sitting quietly out
there right now . . . PCd before another hot night of tossing and
turning! (4/10)p
5 - Sanded off the filler in the
wall above the light switch and applied a little more. Spent a
rediculous amount of time at last cleaning off the old garden
chairs I had got from the guy down the road who was throwing them
out. Eventually 'scraped' them down with a sharp knife and got
them to a keepable/useable condition. Feeling pretty low despite
the prozac????!!!!! . . . fell asleep after a mid afternoon
sandwhich for four hours and would probably have slept longer if
not for the phone call from M/D telling of their new fence
instalation that was completed today despite it raining down
there. Sounds nice and pretty indestructable. Shame they haven't
a roof rack for the car or I would have had their old panels to
replace some of mine . . . sanded off and applied more filler to
the wall. Almost there now. . . sat in the garden for a while
with the frog until a little rain began. Still very muggy. . .
touched base with BB . . . not tired and PCd till early doing stuff. Still couldn't sleep and ended up staying up till
sunrise and birdsong. (4/10)ps
6 - Woken after only about three
hours sleep by the bin men collecting the rubbish. Celebrated by
taking my bin straight back up the lane and filling it from the
'land-fill'!! Moved a huge old carpet and a frog leapt deeper
into the pile for cover. Had to find it and move it or it would
have been crushed by my efforts, so I went in pursuit. I didn't
know frogs could scream!!!!!!!!! Felt awful having distressed it
so much it made such a horrible soul wrenching cry!!!!! Got hold
of it as gently but firmly as I dared and ran up the lane to put
it safely in my garden. Still quite able to hop for cover so
fingers crossed it'll be ok. Looked suspiciously like the same
one I'd taken photos of. That horrible scream preyed on my mind
for much of the day. Actually finally making a dent in the pile
of rubbish by filling my bin and putting some in each of a couple
of the neighbours bins as agreed. One neighbour came round to see
what I was up to, for a chat and to see my pond which rather
embarassed I proudly showed off. 'Conversation' descended onto
awkward silence so I drew it to a close by carrying on filling
her bin up! Found 2 x 2p peices but one was actually corroded and
splitting?!! Didn't realise money could go like that. Threw it
away - halved my profit! . . . spent more time cleaning garden
chairs and then converting another paint pot into a plant pot.
Robbed several loads of decent earth from the lane and relocated
it to the pot and my garden. . . sanded down and applied more
filler to the living room wall . . . had a nap but put the alarm
on to make sure I'd wake within a couple of hours and so, still
being tired, hopefully sleep tonight . . .sanded down and applied
a bit of emulsion paint to the living room wall . . . LB popped
in to show me the outfit she had worn to work for "Wrong
Trousers Day". A homemade
cat type outfit complete with tail - and what should really be an
'illegal' low cut top! Blimey! . . . went for fish and chips and
put the left overs on the bird table . . . sat in the garden
after the rain and as night fell spotted TWO frogs. Yayyyyyyy!!
Excellent. One seemed happy hopping about as usual, the other a
bit shell shocked but at least he'd found the pond. Phew . . .
PCd. (5/10)p
7 - Woke not too early after
more sleep than of late but feel drained and still SO tired -
ALWAYS so tired!! . . . the garden looked like a bomb had hit it.
Chips all over the place and a dusty impression on the glass of
the conservatory door of breast and outstretched wings!!
Something big had crashed into the glass!!!!!! No sign of any
casualties so I guess it got away with it. . . put out some
washing and sat around feeling like being asleep. . . PCd a
little and added to my 'all my wordly goods' for sale page and another silly picture to a 'Tour of
Terry Towers'. something weird
going on with the PC and several freezes and crashes!!!! Uh oh .
. . mood seems to be oscillating despite the prozac!!!!? . . .
fell asleep in the conservatory for a couple of hours! . . .
touched base with BB . . . couldn't sleep and PCd till
early.(3/10)ps
8 - Decided to put the pile of
old bricks in the front garden to use in the back garden. Dug a
hole in a corner and put my compost bin in it and then placed the
bricks around it in a low quarter circle bank type arrangement.
Nothing permanent, just placed on the earth. Just as well - not
sure it was a good idea. Maybe once some of the plants have grown
over it? If not I can easily remove it all and put it back as it
was. Stupid pressing of the earth with my hands resulted in a
piece of glass going into my hand. Small hole but blood all over
the place - again! . . . didn't eat till late afternoon and then
immediately fell asleep but the alarm ensured for not too long .
. . TVd/PCd.(4/10)p
9 - Miserable drizzley weather.
PCd and started messing around with the birds and stolen sounds! MUST be nearly out of webspace
by now?!! . . . slept after food . . . PS popped round for chats
in front the TV till early. Decided to start taking the prozac in
the mornings rather than at night to see what the difference may
be, since of late my mood seems to be 'slipping' and all I want
to do is sleep. (4/10)s
10 - Looks like the nasty weather
is in for quite a time. At least it is cooler. . . prozac for
breakfast. . . idled away the morning surfing gently looking for
more bird stuff. Tried again to have a look at the website of
someone who had signed my guestbook but every time I go there my
monitor is trigured to go into standby and I have to crash the
machine!!!?? . . . Ate and fell asleep of course!! . . .ML popped
in briefly to drop off the multi core cable he'd managed to get
for my extension lead experiments . . . spent a rediculous amount
of time defrosting apple and blackberry I have had in the freezer
for years and dumped it all in my compost bin! . . . sat in the
garden in the gale! . . . LB phoned and demanded I go up and make
approving noises at all the bargains she had got in Ikea. They
were bargains too!!! May have to go have a look myself - although
what do I need? New lives on special offer?. . . PCd till early.
(4/10)p
11 - Blowing an absolute gale!! . . . Sis1 called wanting help with her PC so I
suggested she come and pick me up. All sorted pretty easy - just
hadn't used her ISP account for so long they had deactivated it.
Had to sit around and try and make conversation with the guy who
was putting in her new kitchen window as she went for a doctors
appointment about another worrying lump. More tests needed but
the nurse apparantly did a good job and made light of it putting
Sis1 mind more at ease for the moment. Went with Sis1 to look at
the Ikea bargains. I resisted apart from a couple of pounds for a
cheap shower curtain - but Sis1 succumbed to her compulsive
buying 'illness' and ended up doing a small buying spree!!
Couldn't resist a couple of large hot dogs for only 65p each!!?
How come SO cheap? May have to go there again just for a cheap
quick bite. . . dropped back home with a nasty headache and after
a tablet immediately fell asleep for a few hours . . . woke and
realised I hadn't put much bird food out today. The hungry
pigeons had obviously shown their disapproval by using my
conservatory roof as a toilet!! Ewwwww!!!! Put food out and
watched as mayhem ensued as hungry pigeons flocked and sorted out
their pecking order. Then TWO magpies joined in and noisily
temporarily took over the birdtable!!! If I believed in 'hocus
pocus' I guess that is a sign of good luck? Not so good for the
hungry pigeons . . . TVd/PCd and added a Magpie
page to my site. MUST get out
and shop tomorrow - low on bird food!(4/10)p
12 - Slept later than of late . .
. woke in a rain storm. BIG rain - lots! Front garden seems to be
a lake despite having diverted the down pipe! . . . and then it
was sunny!? Got the bike out and went in search of chopped maize
for the birds. Eventually found some in the pet supplies place in
Longwell Green next to Wickes. Even do 25kg sacks of the stuff!!
maybe next time - bought a small bag that would fit in the bike
panniers for a couple of pounds. Shopped and spent rather too
much on very little? Oops. . . touched base with CW . . . fell
asleep . . . PS popped round for chats till early. Poor guy -
made him sit quietly in the conservatory all evening watching the
garden. Actually saw the frog out hunting and even saw it leap up
onto the low wall I made around the compost bin. Excellent. Great
fun and excitement - I think even PS was kinda interested. . .
PCd . . . couldn't sleep and tossed and turned til gone 4 a.m.
Anxious about overfilled rubbish bins maybe?(4/10)ps
13 - Friday the thirteenth! Woke
to the sound of the bin men. Everything cleared from everyones
bins ok thank goodness. Breakfast with the pigeons and waited
till things had quietened down and then went straight back out up
the lane and filled them all up again. One of the neighbours saw
me at it and announced she was going to the tip so I dumped some
stuff in the back of her car in exchange for sawing a door of
hers in half so she could get it in the car. Couldn't resist
keeping the brass effect handle and double lever lock and even
got the key from her. May come in usefull. Robbed a few more
buckets of GOOD earth from the lane and added it to the garden.
Found another 2 pence piece! Crazy. . . did some washing and sat
in the garden in the sun - um - watching it dry?!! . . .phoned
the cable company complaining about a freezing digital picture.
Said they would send someone out tomorrow PM . . . fell asleep on
the conservatory floor for an hour or two!!! . . . rode to the
library to research a little more seriously on some of the birds
to make sure my web pages are accurate. . . PCd . . . went for a
kebab . . .finally got round to experimenting with the cable for
the webcam. Lo and behold they were all right. It didn't work
with such a long cable! Shame. . . PCd and ended up feeling real
low!!? Usual 'comparisons' stuff I guess? (3/10)p
14 - Woke with a headache,
feeling down and real avoidant/schizoid!!!! . . . PS called and
asked me to 'house sit' for an hour because he had the builders
in putting up his new fence and was expecting a wardrobe door
delivery and he had to go and withdraw money to pay them. Rode
over and obliged, had a play with his dogs and sat around reading
yesterdays paper for a while. Back home popped yet another
annadin tablet and was just trying to sleep when the Telewest
cable guy arrived to check out the fault I'd reported. He soon
enough confirmed it was 'the area' and that he would have to call
out a 'network team' and I'd have to put up with it till they
fixed it!!!! Good job I still have an aerial on the roof! . .
.slept for hours but woke feeling somewhat better and without so
much of a headache . . . TVd/PCd . . . couldn't sleep until well
past 4am and then had disturbed sleep of dreams! (3/10)ps
15 - Woke up far too early. Sat
in the sun . . .TVd . . . fell asleep . . . TVd although the
cable service has now been completely down for two days! . . .
PCd till early. (4/10)ps
16 - Very hot and sunny morning.
Sat in the garden for a while wondering if I have develeoped a
tolerance for the Prozac! So much for my 'doing stuff' phase! Can
hardly summon the energy to stay awake let alone 'do things'!! .
. . took the bike and shopped and dropped in a film for
developing but yet again 'just' missed the submission time so
it'll take two days not one! Grrrr! Stopped in at the post office
and gently complained about all our mail going in the wrong
houses. Not much of a response other than to say they had a high
staff turn over. Some excuse! How hard can it be to read a house
number! Not very and I should know - I used to do it! . . .
unexpected call from a cable TV guy. All fixed - for the time
being? . . . napped until the alarm woke me . . . PS popped round
for chats till early . . . PCd. Got an e-mail from the
acquisitions editor, psychology Greenwood
Publishing Group Inc. asking
me to remove the 'Distancing' book from my site!!!! Did so
immediately although suspect that I may not have 'had' to.
International law? Seems a shame that SO many people make SO much
money from people who are 'ill'. I have a dream! . . . couldn't
sleep till nearly dawn. Back to night time taking of the prozac.
(4/10)ps
17 - Rainy day. Couldn't get a
handle on it at all. Slept almost the whole day long!!!? Not so
good . . .TVd/PCd till early. (3/10)p
18 - Slow to wake up. Seems no
limit to the amount of sleep I need/want! Felt rather better than
yesterday . . . Neighbour up the road has the workmen in and a
skip outside. . . A break in the rain so shopped and picked up
the latest develeoped photos. Couldn't resist buying ALL the
special offer cumberland sausages!! Only 39p each!! Bought eight
packs for the freezer!Yumee! . . . PCd and put a couple on
appropriate pages on the site.(Sky / magpie / Flying ant day and yet more pigeons ) MUST NOT take any more photos of wood pigeons no
matter how cute and funny they look!! . . . couldn't resist and
asked the workmen if I could have some of the decent top soil
that was going on the skip to top up my garden. One said my
name!!!? Turned out to be the son of BH (BH I've hardly seen for
years - ever since I reminded him he owed me money for a stereo I
let him have that I said he could pay for when he had the money.
It was a pitance but I never got it. I guess that was the value
of my friendship!!!! All came to mind in a flash as I tried to be
polite to his son.) Good greif he's bigger than me, I'm getting
old!!!! Topped up the garden with as much as I could. Excellent
rich soil. Then I spotted the old paving slabs they were also
throwing out. Just couldn't resist. If I can cut them up into
small brick like pieces with my angle grinder I could use them to
build the walls for my planned 'raised beds' at the bottom of the
garden - which is why I wanted as much soil as I could store.
Ended up with a front garden full of old slabs!!! If I don't use
them I guess the lane will end up being paved over nicely. Either
that or I'll spend the rest of my life sneaking them out week by
week, bit by bit in the bin!! . . . fell asleep . . . woke early
evening to find the neighbours skip absolutely full. Shame - so
wanted to clear some more of the lane debris. . . sat around
watching pigeons eat in the rain as I tried to imagine different
raised flower bed structures! Need to go out tomorrow and buy
some cheap masonary cutting disks for the grinder and try cutting
a slab to see if I've bitten off more than I can chew. . . TVd .
. . PCd and got a VERY unexpected e-mail from DC at Greenwood. They are reprinting 'Distancing' and are
considering doing a cheaper paper back version. Excellent -
although I wonder if there is really the market to justify it? I
feel like a 'minority' - and certainly don't get too many hits on
the site. Very niche market. Most amazing of all she said
"the book's author, Dr. Kantor, has offered to write a
summary of the ideas in the book, for use on your website."
Bloody hell!!!!! Dunno what to make of that. Is he serious? Of
course me being me I look for the negatives and explore every
negative possibility! Is my 'answer to no one', 'I'm not asking
for anything' site going to become an advert and will I be
obligated to behave in a certain way and watch what I say? On
balance - I guess I AM advertising AvPD as much as I can 'for the
common good' so I can't let my personal angst, paranoia or weird
altruistic principles prevent a furtherence of that end. AND - is
my fragile site with all it's self absorbed negativity worthy of
such an addition?!!!!! Worry worry worry . . . difficulty
sleeping - tossed and turned till early. Crazy dude! (4/10)p
19 - Woke earlyish still
wondering how to reply to DCs e-mail without expressing my
concerns and seeming to be a foolish ungrateful git! Avoided the
subject by looking out the window and surveying the builders skip
up the road. Had to be some room in there? Had a closer look and
decided if I removed some of the slabs and the top soil there WAS
room. Set to and managed to clear most of the big heavy stuff
from the lane. Found a penny, a fishing umbrella and fishing rod
rest!? The umbrella is a little damaged but probably still
usuable by someone! Dunno whether to keep it or throw it away.
Saved some earth worms and a toad and relocated them to my
garden. Caught in the act of loading up the skip by the builder
turning up!!Damn - thought they were finished!!!! Real embarassed
and did my best nice guy act but it was all ok and he was quite
happy for me to carry on loading it up! Probably helped by me
rubbing his nose in the fact that if I hadn't had all the soil
and slabs they would never have got it all in the skip. Fair is
fair. He even offered to let me have some more topsoil in the
future if I wanted it for nothing since they only get rid of it!
Gave me his card and said they could drop some off - I only had
to ring and ask. Nice guy. Had a quick stroke of his dog. Nice
dog. Eventually hot, sweating and filthy gave up, not wanting to
pile it too high and cause embarassment to the builder. Watched
with great delight as the skip was taken away. Definitely made a
dent in the lane 'landfill'. . . got the bike out and went and
bought a few cheap masonary cutting disks. Experimented with
cutting one of the slabs but very quickly came to the conclusion
that I wasn't being realistic. Very much easier to set to and
break into usable peices with the lump hammer. Overcome with the
need for sleep so shelved the stone mason act. Nice dog but too
much barking! Eventually fell asleep for a couple of hours after
closing the window . . . PCd and replied to DC basically just
saying 'yes please' I think. Nervous!!? . . .TVd . . .
Millionaire novelist Lord Archer was jailed for four years after
being found guilty of perjury and perverting the course of
justice today. Hoooray! Should have got longer. Nasty nasty man
thinking he can do what he wants by buying people . . .PCd till
early then couldn't sleep and tossed and turned for ages. (4/10)p
20 - Beautiful sunny morning.
Woken by the poor bin men wrestling with HEAVY bins! All cleared
ok. . . sat in the sun with breakfast of coffee, cigarettes and
anadin tablet. Very strange 'creaky' noise from somewhere near
the pond. Must be the frog - yayyy . . . eventually roused myself
and tackled more of the lane landfill and put a bit in each of
the neighbours bins that I have asked, and filled my own right
up. Definitely making an impact now. In the middle of sweating
terribly and sawing up an old door into bin size pieces, the
woman who had the builders in suddenly appeared up the lane. She
seems to have been infected by my strange compulsion and asked
how I was getting on and if she could take anything because she
was going to the council tip again in her car. Excellent -
managed to squeeze three car wheels complete with tyres into her
car. I figure a couple more weeks and at least that part of the
lane will be almost completely clear. Strangely satisfying . . .
touched base with CW by phone. She HAD replied to an e-mail of
mine but I never got it!! Wonder how many go missing like that!!!
. . . couldn't shake my headache despite more tablets and tried
to sleep it off for a couple of hours, since it started to look
like rain and I couldn't face starting the raised beds work in
the garden . . . woke still with the headache!! Seems to be
something to do with my shoulders which are actually tender to
the touch?!! Guess I overdid the carrying of topsoil, paving
slabs and rubble from the lane these last couple of days . . .
sat around watching the birds between showers. Extraordinary to
see a wood pigeon regurgitate what looked like a stone!! Then
hilarious mayhem as a 'flock' of SEVEN wood pigeons fought over
the bird table interspersed with a bit of courting display and
some falling in the pond!! Sorry neighbours but this is FUN. . .
LB rang to remind me she was going away and that I said I'd feed
the cats starting tomorrow. Bit worried about feeding her
polecat! Very sharp and prone to escape!! . . . touched base with
BB . . . touched the guitar! . . . PCd till rediculously early.
(4/10)p
21 - Up around 8am with a
headache again after only about 4hrs sleep! Fed LBs cats after
cleaning everything including the floor!!! Bet it hasn't been
done since last time I fed them. Fed the polecat without too much
trouble but oh how sad. Cooped up in a filthy draughty box with
nothing to do but try to get out. That is no way to live - god
knows I should know!! . . . finally went to the post office to
post a couple of papers and stuff to BB. HOW MUCH!!!!!!!! Bloody
hell - good job I have food in the fridge! . . . started work on
the raised flower bed project. Stopped briefly for a coffee break
and watched as the garden and the wood pigeons were mobbed by a
flock of screeching starlings. Loads of them!!! Ate everything in
sight including some of the peanuts, hanging on the feeders like
blue tits, even the young who obviously learn quickly.
Fascinating. Soon realised I have enough concrete slabs to put a
raised bed around half of Bristol!!!!!!!! Uh oh - gonna have a
problem getting rid of the excess. Also very quickly apparant I
haven't enough soil to do what I want. Rained and rained and the
garden turned into a bomb site! Gave up when I ran out of soil
and was soaking wet and covered in mud. Reasonably happy with how it
looks - as long as it doesn't
collapse. Need more soil! Lots! . . .cleaned up and went and fed
the cats. Couldn't resist letting the poor polecat out to run
around for a little while. Strange creature - SO happy to be out
for a minute but SO nerve wracking chasing around behind him to
make sure he didn't disappear. Nerves soon got the better of me
and I returned him to his disgusting prison. Heartbreaking. . .
Why oh why hasn't LB called a plumber in to replace the toilet
valve? That overflow has been pouring water out for about a year
or more now!! Almost makes me think water meters ARE a good
idea!! . . . finally fed myself/TVd and briefly PCd but SO so
tired and aching all over. Early to bed. (4/10)p
22 - Fed the cats and let the
polecat out to run around for a bit. Stir-crazy chap. So sad.
Couldn't resist trimming a little of LBs hedge so it is possible
to walk through the front gate without pushing through a jungle!
. . . returned to my garden to see a flock of starlings and a
whole family of blue tits having a go at the peanuts. Seems like
the word is getting out. Good. . . sat about for a bit but
couldn't resist having a go at the raised bed on the other side
of the garden. Extricated the buried compost bin with some
difficulty and stacked all the old bricks against the wall in the
lane. Compost bin seems to have been taken over by ants - full of
eggs!!! Robbed some soil from the lane and found two one pound
coins in the earth both dated 1983. Spent hours piecing together
the wall like a big awkward jigsaw puzzle and amazingly found I
'almost' have enough soil. Hard hot work in the sun. An
embarrassing admission but so hot and sweaty running around and
digging and stuff that I developed chaffing sores where no guy
wants them!! Owww!! Eventually finished for the day and cleaned
up and celebrated by treating myself to a kebab. Walked up the
road like John Wayne after a fifty-mile horse ride!! . . . LB
called to confirm she was home and had had a great time away
being drunk! Home from home then! . . . sat in the garden loads
feeling GOOD (and guilty because of it?!!!) and dreaming up crazy
ideas of what to do with the rest of the concrete slabs.
Birdbath? Frog/toad house? Stepping-stones? Stonehenge? . . . PCd
briefly before more garden sitting then bed. E-mail from DC
confirming receipt of my last. Phew - had convinced myself I had
made a fool of myself and she wasn't going to reply! (5/10)ps
23 - Cloudless sunny morning.
Rang up the builder and asked if the four bags of soil left
outside the house up the road were up for grabs. They were so I
had them. Robbed some more out of the lane. I have enough.
Decided to add a little to the raised beds just to finish them
off nicer and included three toad houses. Little 'caves' at
ground level on each side of the garden. Took me ages with the
angle grinder cutting pieces especially to fit. Only have three
full slabs left - but huge amounts of 'spoil' and rubble to get
rid off. Tidied up and hosed everything down making rainbows in
the sun. Cleaned up and washed loads of clothes. Sat around in
the garden admiring my work and willing all the plants to grow
over everything - now! Felt very 'happy'. All worked
out nicely. Tortured the
neighbours by making guitar sounds in the garden. Decided to get
the bike out and go to Tog Hill to watch the sunset but as soon
as I decided cloud rolled in and covered the sky so I didn't
bother. Typical. . . D/SH popped in for chats for a few hours . .
. PCd briefly and got a mail from DC with the overview of
Distancing by Dr Martin Kantor!!!! Excellent. Need to figure out
how to say thank you enough and the best way to include it on my
site! . . . more garden sitting before bed. At least one frog
seems to have survived the 'building site' disruption.(5+/10)ps
24 - Sat in the garden of course.
Resisted doing anything more except for picking a few stones out
of the soil . . .Received feedback from the website which
included "as someone with avp, I really find your website
helpful...I appreciate your posting the information about
treatment and research, especially. Thank you for sharing through
your website. You helped me understand myself better."
That sort of feedback is why I have done my website. That makes
it worth all the effort.
Shopped for food and a birthday card for mum. Checked out the
charity shops and ended up buying LOADS of books all for less
than the original price of any one of them. Amongst them a couple
of EXCELLENT reference/identification books on British birds and
nature. So THAT is what the creepy crawlie was I had in my
garden! Walking home I was confronted by a bag of frozen peas on
the pavement??!! Some shopper must have dropped them but there
was no one near and since they were still frozen and the bag was
unbroken I picked them up and kept them. Idly wondered if they
may have been poisoned and left as a trap by some terrorist
anti-shop earth conservation group - "Green Peas"? ha
ha . . . got a phone call from the MOD. They hadn't bothered to
inform me that the job I had been sent details about had been
done away with!! Redundant before employment? Saves the usual
hassle I guess!! They did however say there is now a similar
opening and "they want to get me on board as soon as
possible"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I joked I was busy tomorrow.
They said they would aim for me to start in two weeks!!!
Jeeze!!!!!! Scary!!!!!! Do they mean it this time? Said they will
write to me with details - again! Worry, worry, worry lots!! . .
. escaped the worrying by falling asleep for a couple of hours. .
. ate sausages, chips and PEAS!!!! . . . TVd . . . PCd and added
the overview of DISTANCING By Dr
Martin Kantor as best I could.
(5/10)p
25 - Sat around in the sun until
M/D arrived. Seemed genuinely impressed with the garden and
thankfully offloaded a choice of trays for a bird bath, another
bird hut, several tubs of different plants from their garden and
a couple of beautiful light green Cupressus macrocarpa Wilma.
Lovely small golden yellow fir trees. Planted some straight away
and left the others in tubs on the earth for tomorrow. Sis1
joined us with her six year old grand son O. Drove to the Golden
Lion at Frampton Cotterell for a meal. O was pleasantly well
behaved and quite entertaining and we all had a pleasant Mums
Birthday meal. Back to Sis1 to sit around and chat and admire her
garden for several hours. Full of food and so, SO tired but had
some fun with O topping up ponds, spraying each other with hose
pipes, and trying to make an ornamental fountain pump work
properly leaning precariously over the pond. Dad seems to be
getting more and more impatient and 'short tempered' as the years
pass by. Can't help but wonder if there is some slow advanceing
underlying medical condition. Extraordinary to observe him
interacting with six year old O and with self analysis imagine
the long term effects of such interaction. He means well and was
motivated by care - but it seemed so obvious that the way his
comments were delivered were liable to induce a state of fear of
the world in O. Maybe I've read too many/too few psych. books?
Dads (and mine!!! since I AM his son!!!) 'constructive criticism'
of some of Sis1s things and stuff and ways clearly got to her a
bit and there was 'some' tension!! Felt as though I spent too
much time subtly exerting 'lets all stay cool' pressure here and
there. O is SO relaxed and tactile with Sis1. A joy to see.
Eventually time to be dropped back home by M/D. Felt awkward as I
made an outsretched armed joke of hugging O goodbye, was happily
hugged back in return but M/D didn't seem to be able to manage
it. Dropped back home, final 'happy birthdays' and 'thanks for
everything' and hugs goodbye to M/D. Watered the garden and sat
quietly for an hour with a couple of frogs. Felt drained and
exhausted and really in need of being alone to re-charge whatever
I am drained of in company. . . PCd briefly (some intriguing
feedback from the site with a link to follow up when I have more
time). With no memory of my own it was interesting to briefly
look at my journal entry for this time last year!!! 'Early' to
bed after phoning to confirm M/D had arrived home safely. (5/10)p
26 - Slept a full eight hours!!
Another hot sunny day. Sat in the garden trying to imagine
different bird bath constructions. School seems to have broken up
for the summer and the air is filled with the sound of screaming
kids, and screaming mother of screaming kids!! Grrrr.It's enough
to make you scream. . Eventually decided to make a bird
bath/feeding table construction along the same lines as the
raised beds in the hope I can do away with the existing bird
table which would make putting out the washing line less of a
guilt trip. So, SO hot in the sun. Didn't finish until gone 6pm
and hadn't eaten anything all day except anadin tablets!!! Very
fiddly with several toad holes. Think I've caught the sun -
headache and sore on my back. Physical wreck!! . . . someone
who's name I've forgotten rang me from the MOD in the middle of
the mud works, asking about the 'gap' in my post office career!
Don't they read their own records?!!! Explained I'd gone crazy
and sick for ages before redundancy. Strangely ended up talking
about having discovered my garden and raised flowerbeds and what
I was doing!!! Bet she was a manager and 'sussing me out' -
seeing if I was fit for the purpose by getting me talking!! Bet
nothing comes of it, AGAIN!!!! . . .PS rang asking me if I could
use some small concrete garden slabs he was getting rid of. Said
yes thinking they may make good stepping-stones around the
garden. Went for sausage and chips from the chip shop. Watched as
a brave pigeon found the new construction and had a drink and
some feed although very nervously. . . PS popped round with the
slabs and stayed for chats till early. Forced him to sit in the
garden all evening. I just can't get enough of sitting out there!
Love it. Watered the garden to encourage the frogs to go hunting
and eventually watched as one hopped around the garden. And then
. .YESSSSSSSSSSS! A frog has set up home in one of the little
caves I've made in the raised beds. SO pleased - ridiculous but
SO happy all that effort making them wasn't in vain. Watched in
awe as an earth worm emerged from it's burrow leaving it's tail
below ground and turned really thin as it stretched and groped
around - looking for food? Got PS to pass me a brown fallen leaf
from the honeysuckle, dunked it in a puddle to make it moist and
popped it next to the worm. Eventually - YES!!!! It grabbed the
leaf and recoiled back into its burrow dragging the leaf back
down with it!!!! Never seen that before - not even on the
Discovery channel!!! Fascinating - to me. Not sure poor old PS
was so excited. . . PCd briefly and then continued sitting in the
garden in the still of the night for ages. Saw another frog in
the other frog house!! YIPPEEE . . . phoned Sis2 to touch base -
and cause I needed to tell someone about the frogs taking up
residence in their new houses!! Eventually to bed after 3am.
(5/10)ps
27 - Woken after a few hours by
the bin men. Another scorching hot sunny day. Breakfasted and
then spent all morning putting lane rubbish in various neighbours
bins as agreed. Ended up chatting for ages to the father of one
of the neighbours I've never met, who was doing jobs around her
house for her. Seemed relaxed and friendly. Ended up talking
about the house and showed him what I'd done with my bathroom and
conservatory. As we chatted in the garden a strange 'croak croak
croak' 'boomed' out quietly from one of the frog houses. Hard to
contain my excitement I drew his attention to it! Must think I'm
crazy!! He may well be right! . . .sat around feeling tired and
hot. . . fell asleep late afternoon for about four hours!! Woke
up just in time to get the bike out and ride up to the picnic
area on Tog Hill to watch the sunset. Just enough clouds to make
it spectacular. Filled up with petrol on the way home - maybe
I'll go see the sunrise too? Half an hour after getting home the
nasty noisey neighbour from opposite has parked in front of my
gate blocking me in!!!!? Half the street is on holiday, there is
loads of room, their own two car driveway is empty - yet they
park in front of my gate? Really annoying. Selfish self centred
b******s! So much for going out to see the sunrise!!! Grrrrr . .
.festered on their selfishness and ended up politely asking them
to move it before midnight. They said not a word - but moved it
onto their driveway. . . PCd and received an e-mail at the
website address from no-one I know in India(??!!!) containing am
attachment!!!!!!!! Didn't like the look of it. As BB suggested I
forwarded it to my Hotmail account since they scan all
attachments for viruses. It WAS a virus with no known cure!!!
Bastards!!! Hopefully avoided infection. Not a good end to the
day. . . made my mind up I would go see the sunrise and after a
sandwhich, sat around in the garden waiting for time to pass
watching shooting stars and satelites/aircraft/UFOs? Saw a huge
spider run across half way up the garden wall. One of the frogs
saw it too and threw himself up the wall at it. He missed and
gave a short chase but the spider was too quick. Amazing. (5/10)p
28 - Made myself a thermos of
coffee, grabbed my cameras and mobile and set off on the bike at
3am for the stone circle at Avebury. Wonderful ride strangely
alternating warm and cold. Saw a fox. Hardly another vehicle on
the road. Plunging through waves of light mist hanging in the
air. Totally clear sky full of stars. Arrived at the stones by
4am as the sky was beginning to lighten. Stumbled up onto the
earth bank in the dark and faced the dawn. Beautiful. Touched
base with BB on the mobile. Cut short by running out of pay as
you go credit! Sat quietly like a stone and smoked cigarettes,
drank coffee and took photos. Used up the roll of film in the SLR
and put in another by torchlight. The compact camera started
playing up and wouldn't wind the film!!!! Wandered around taking
photos all over the place until the sun was in the sky and things
began to warm up as the dew turned to mist. Eventually left at
around 7:15am and set off home. Took a wrong road and got not
quite lost. Eventually back on the A420 and stopped off at Tog
Hill to use up the last of the film in the SLR. Uh oh!!! That
can't be right? Something wrong with THIS film now!!!! Back home
about 8:30am and discovered the film wasn't winding. Had to open
up the camera and pull it all out. All those photos -
LOST!!!!!!!!!!!! Some of those would have been REALLY good too!!
Typical. Really annoyed/disappointed. Almost fell asleep in a
garden chair so decided to go to bed for a while. Woke around
midday and decided to get the one film I did have, developed to
see if anything of my artistic endeavours had been saved. Got the
bike back out and went up Kingswood and paid the extra to have a
one hour developing. Shopped. Dropped the shopping back home to
find someone had parked across my gate!! Bloody mindedly parked
up behind the car real close. Watched as a woman got in and
reversed up until she nudged the bike before driving off!!!
Grrrrrrr. Went back out on the undamaged bike and returned my
library books and picked up the photos. One or two succesfull
shots at least to remember the
day. Thank goodness . . . PCd but SO SO horribly hot. Thermometer
says 90 degrees in the shade in the garden!!!!!!!! I need more
sleep and a new pair of eyes - full of debris!!! . . . fell
asleep and woke just before 11pm!! PCd very briefly, sat in the
garden cooling off but very soon went back to bed. (4/10)p
29 - LB phoned sometime after 3am
obviously drunk. Let the ansaphone take it and managed to get
back to sleep straight away . . . Woke around 6:30am. Sat in the
garden with a coffee but the first cigarette of the day went
straight to my head and demanded I go back to bed!? . . . Woke
again after 9am. Feel as though I have had enough sleep now. Sat
in the heat of the garden - feels hotter than yesterday!!
Drinking lots of coffee and water. Looks like my new chordless
ansaphone has broken!! Already?!!! Damn. . .too hot to do
anything. 94 degrees in the shade in the conservatory at one
point!!! Sat around feeling hot. SH popped in for a brief coffee
. . . TVd . . . PCd but interrupted around midnight by LB calling
in with a couple of small quiches!? Seemed to have been 'comfort
cooking' cause her guy had cancelled their date! Chatted and sat
in the garden for a while. Why is she SO loud!!! She wants me to
turn her garden into 'an oasis' too!!! I don't think so - more
work than I could manage I'm afraid. . . PCd briefly before more
sitting in the cool of the garden. I think I may have more frogs
than I realise - sure I haven't seen those two small ones before!
(5/10)ps
30 - Up around 7:30am. Sis1
called to say she was going to the Gower with O to enjoy some of
the weather if I wanted to go too. Declined. Can't face all that
travelling in this heat. Swapped the bird boxes over and fixed
the most appropriate one to the fascia above the patio . . .
spent ages cutting up with the angle grinder an old piece of wall
cap stone left over from the patio project. Cut it up into small
brickettes and replaced the piece of wood 'frog step' at the
bottom of the garden under the gate with a permanent cemented
stone affair with earth like a miniature raised bed. Cut a couple
of PS miniature paving blocks and placed them around the pond as
stepping stones so I can tend to stuff without trampling all the
ground cover plants. . . ate and fell asleep for a couple of
hours . . . woken by Sis1 phoning asking if I'd like to come to a
barbeque. Thanked her but declined. Feel in the need for
aloneness. . . brilliant sunset . . . ate LBs 'cat fur quiches'!
. . . sat in the garden ALL evening watching frogs - and then,
ended up spending about two hours feeding leaves and fallen
flowers from the honeysuckle to the worms!! Absolutely
fascinating. Happiness is a fat worm? What on earth is this
prozac doing to me?!!! . . . PCd till early. Amusing to get an
e-mail from BB warning me about a nasty 'worm' virus due to hit .
. .couldn't resist sitting in the garden AGAIN until even
earlier!! (4/10)p
31 - Up around 8am after not
enough sleep. Sat around for a bit feeling a bit down and ended
up going back to sleep for a couple of hours. Woken by LB
phoning? Called her back and found out she has managed to get
some cheap Golden Virginia tobacco. Half priceish? YES please!! .
. .reports on the national news about the impending internet worm
attack!! PCd and ended up surfing onto a site with eye witness
accounts of holocaust stuff!!!!? Why on earth 'must' I read this
stuff?!!! Got upset!!. . . paid bills and balanced my accounts.
Finally got around to looking at my income tax refund forms. Rang
them up all confused and informed all I had to do was get all the
details to fill in from my bank. Rang the bank and they said
they'd send it to me no hassle. That easy? Been putting that off
for months! . . . Sat around for ages not really feeling
'present'. Had a go at trying to rejuvinate the rotting garden
gate but made a hash of it with nothing going right and gave up
real quick and put it back up as it was or worse! . . . TVd, sat
in the garden, ate late and went to bed real early.(3/10)p
^Top