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March
1 - Woke around 7am after only about three hours sleep!! . . .PCd . . . walked in rubber in the torrential rain. Lots of dead frogs in the road along the way! . . . sat in the conservatory watching the heavy rain showers . . . cried a bit . . . PCd . . . tried to sleep the day away but woken by LB and Sis2 leaving ansaphone messages. Sis2 sounded tearful . . . sat around feeling unhappy. My mind seems to be flip flopping uncontrollably - one minute I want this and will do this and will gladly take whatever are the lifelong consequences - the next minute I don't want any of it and want to just stay as reclusive as possible (even more so than to date!), answerable to no one for anything. I've no idea what I want or what I should do about anything!! I'm in a mess. . . really should have, but just couldn't face calling Sis2 back - I'm in such a mess right now - I haven't the strength to hear how much of a mess she's probably in!! . . .The rain had eased but it was all wet and perfect frog weather, so I figured I’d keep a look out for frogs in the street when walking, and decided to put a carrier bag in my pocket to put any I found in, just in case. I’d only walked a few dozen yards and reached the entrance to the dark lane that goes behind the houses when I slipped and nearly fell over!? What on earth? I pulled out my torch. Oh no! OH NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I’d stood on a frog!!!!!!!!!! It was still alive but one of its hind legs was all broken. It dragged itself off into the gutter and under a parked car. Horror! Close to tears. Nearby there was another pair of frogs all piggy back holding together and mating. I grabbed them up and rushed dragging confused and excited Sally behind me, back to the house and through to the garden and plopped them in the relative safety of the pond. Walked - more carefully almost on tip toe scouring the ground in front of me all the way. I wasn’t the only person to have had such an experience – plenty of evidence of more crushed bodies along the way. :o( Terrible guilt. Occurred to me how like frogs we are – compelled to set out from our place of comfort and safety in a desperate search for a mate, only to often end up crushed and broken. :o(. . .TVd/PCd till early. (2/10)aa
2 - Woken by insistant Sally around 7am!! . . . walked and found a penny . . . sat in the garden in the sun for a while sucking annadins, as the washing machine did its work, thinking and thinking and thinking until I was sick of it and had an even worse headache. . .finally bit the bullet and pulled the plug on my on line journal - for a month or so 'at least' - maybe permanently? It's a hard habit to break, but of late it seems to have become something of a 'liability' - it's kinda feeding back on itself - and direct demands have been made of me that make it less honest and open than it has been! Mostly this - if BB is not to be in touch with me, so I can't know how she's doing and wont know that she's always ok, I can't bear the thought that she may check in and read what is going on with me!! Messed up stuff! . . . -//-walked . . . TVd and watched the film called 'The Green Mile'. Not bad . . . received a couple of e-mails from BB that WILL require an answer - but too tired to have to try and think yet more! . . to bed after 2am but difficulty getting to sleep. (2/10)as
3 - Woken early by Sally but managed to snooze on till after 8:30am . . . drove to the river Avon at Hanham for walks . . . returned Mums ansaphone call and discussed some finances stuff. (-/content removed post 19th April 03 /-). . . felt just strong enough to call Sis2 and try and keep things ok. I failed miserably and ended up kinda being pushed into explaining how I'd felt about 'stuff' (my paranoia) last month and - well - the last few years really!!! Exactly what I'd hoped to avoid! Sis2 seemed to end up pretty upset and professed ignorance and dismay at what I described as our ongoing 'personality conflict' - or something like that. How on earth could she not know?!! I guess what I said hurt. She said a few hurtful things in reply, much of it accurate of course and nothing new to me. Simply understanding why I do stuff doesn't mean to say I can stop doing it! She made it very clear she disapproved most strongly of my journal 'soap' for all to read. I've no defence for that at all - and yet I still find myself SO drawn to do it!!?????? I'd love to have a 'professional' view about why I 'need' to do it!! . . . -//- . . . I just seem to cause upset and distress to people no matter what I do! I AM aware of that - that IS no small part of why I live in the exile of solitude! I am most hurt by my hurting others! . . . Uncle TJ called to touch base! Not sure what I said but he rang off pretty quick . . . felt emotionally drained and just couldn't face sitting for hours trying to write and re-write some point by point, in depth self analysis, inevitably unintentionaly ambiguous response to BBs mails - picked up the phone and called her! Tried to explain some stuff. Amongst it - something about the confusing cross over of avoidant behaviour and ‘normal’ male fear of commitment stuff. How I didn’t know how it was possible to enter into a relationship unless you were ‘absolutely sure’, in advance. How my frugal existence was SO safe,secure and fragile. How I was in a mess right now, and now was not a good time to make any decisions about anything. I said a bunch of stuff. BB surprised me with some of her responses. -//- I asked her to come and live with me – to try it out. She said yes!!!!!!! -//- ended up feeling absolutely exhausted, and frankly a bit sick! . . . managed to sleep for a couple of hours before hunger woke me. Haven't eaten much these last few days. Ate a pizza . . .LB called at the door. Had to rush up her place in my worn out leaky slippers in the rain and save a toad from her living room that one of her cats had brought in. She wasn't sure if she'd stood on it or not!! I had personal knowledge that if she had, she'd know it! The toad didn't look well - kinda flat and very motionless and sort of holding it's front feet over it's eyes like it couldn't bear to watch its fate! Rushed it back down to my garden pond. Once left quietly in the plants it eventually started to move, so - maybe? Within fifteen minutes LB was back and the whole process was repeated with another toad - it too sheilding it's eyes! . . . walked in the rain . . .Sis1 called leaving an ansaphone message. Couldn't face speaking with another soul this day . . . TVd/PCd this till gone 2am. Very strong 'no journal updates' withdraw symptoms. God how I wish I could get to the bottom of why I want (need!) to do this. Surely there is something of worth - 'some' value here - isn't there?!!!!! Isn't there?! . . to cap it all I received site feedback from someone. A nice mail but it included the words "came accross your site in a lecture of Psychology and the internet"!!? Is that a misprint or is this part of my 'madness' now being held up as some educational example of - um - PC literate mad people?!! I really should reply and ask - maybe get an educated opinion about why screwed up people do such bizarre sad things (but I just can't face starting up ANY form of new communication with ANYONE at all these days! The 'obligation' of having to reply to e-mails, text messages, ansaphone calls - I just can't do it right now - I haven't the energy it takes! Constant guilt as a result!!). Am I just a frustrated exhibitionist? Am I SO lacking in self worth that getting hits on the site makes me feel of 'some' value in the world? Am I desperately seeking some 'understanding' (actually this I believe I HAVE now found)? Etc. Etc. F***** if I know! (2/10)a
4 - Up around 7:30am . . . walked and found 8p . . .Yayyyy. :o) A couple of handfulls of frog spawn has appeared in the pond. Have a horrible feeling the pond snails are eating them?! The last time there was spawn in the pond it didn't survive. Oh HOW I wish this lot does. The roads and pavements all around are covered in dead squished bodies - they need replacing. Carefully removed a few of the snails from the spawn and threw them up the other end of the pond. Toyed with the idea of trying to intervene and put the spawn in some sort of 'nursery container' (part submerged flower pot?) but figured I couldn't handle the guilt if it all died . . . managed to force myself to do a bit on the living room building site. Cemented up in the corner of the alcove trying to get somewhere near a straightish edge to aim for. Didn't go well - damn these walls are all over the place!! Think I'm gonna have to use some sort of edging strip to find the vertical. My mind wanders when cementing - spent a lot of time thinking of Sis2 and regretting what I'd said . . . grabbed a sandwhich. . . . the food did it's usual job - had to fall asleep for a couple of hours. Woke around 7pm!! . . . Watched some crazy TV show about someone wanting to buy a house in Minehead or thereabouts. Dunno why they always have to put 'rich' people on those shows?! Must be tough looking for a place when you 'only' have a little over half a million £ to spend!!!!! Jeeze - I wish! Different world such people must live in. When looking at a small 'castle' in Minehead which they could afford (despite the £7k per annum running costs!!!!!!!!!!!), their main concern seemed to be that they didn't have enough furniture to put in all the rooms!!! . . . walked keeping an eye open for frogs. Spotted one in the road - it seemed to be rather 'lethagic' but I figured it was worth relocating it to the garden pond. Popped it in a carrier bag and dashed the short distance home. Out in the garden under my 'night sun' light, it became apparent it was injured. :o( Figured my garden was a better place to die than out in the cold, hard street . . . BB called to touch base . . . PS popped round for chats till early. SH called (haven't spoken for months! Think I may have offended him somehow) asking if DH was here? Told him I hadn't seen her for a few weeks - made it clear it would be good to see him and he should pop in some time . . .Felt a little (no doubt briefly!) more 'stable' moodwise today. . . PCd a bit till earlier. (3/10)as
5 - Up real late around 9am!! . . . walked in the rain . . . moved some pond snails off the frog spawn. Is that another small handful of spawn? Couldn't resist and went on a frog hunt up the back lane, looking under grass and stones and all over the place. Surprisingly didn't find a single one!? Bet that single small toad I relocated to the garden, didn't want to be either. . . sat around for ages lookng at the living room building site and not touching it. That damn firebreast I'm not sure how to tackle, that is all waiting to collapse, has become a mental block to getting on with things. . . PCd this. I AM gonna upload it - sooner or later! I just want to! . . .fell asleep all afternoon . . . BB called . . . walked . . . TVd . . . early to bed before 11pm. (3/10)
6 - Up around 7am. The forecast was right - clear blue sky . . .sat in the garden with coffee and cigarettes. Moved a couple of pond snails off the spawn. Couple of frogs still resident in the water . . .drove to the river Avon at Hanham for walks . . .walked round to the local building supply place and bought four, three metre lengths of plaster angle bead. Figured it would help with the inside corners of the living room bays where I’m gonna have to try and cement up vertical and square. Walked it back home and cut one to length and offered it up into position but very soon came to the conclusion it would NOT do the job at all! A waste of £8 something! Uncle TJ called to touch base. Cemented some more of the corner and actually got ‘fairly’ vertical in one dimension. Mustn’t be too perfectionist- it’ll be better than it was! . . . grabbed a bite to eat and then, suffering a nasty neck/head ache, fell asleep from 3pm until 7pm!!!? . . . walked . . . BB called to touch base, between flights to her next assignment . . . TVd . . . ended up cooking real late and cooked up the last of the old potatoes that I think I must have had laying around since – um - Christmas?!! All started to sprout shoots, but still edible when boiled. Three diced potatoes, a diced onion, a cup of frozen broad beans, a tin of Plumrose Stewed Steak and Gravy (99p) – all boiled up together and then eaten with four pieces of bread and butter. Enough left over in the pan for another lot tomorrow, and all the more satisfying for only having cost around 70p per meal . . . sat on cushions next to Sally on the floor and tried meditating for 25 minutes or so. Difficult – especially with Sally noisily chewing on her chewy thing! A year or so ago, or whenever it was, I decided I would see Dads death through without the aid of anti depressants. So that I would REALLY know what I was thinking and feeling (despite the risks!). Part of my plan was also to get back into a strict twice daily regime of quiet meditation – to ‘keep a handle’ on myself. The meditation part of the plan didn’t happen and as a result I feel I have, unrecognised, lost control of myself more than ever these last months, culminating in the obnoxious paranoid behaviour I indulged in at Mums, after Dad died. I can’t remember and barely recognise who I have been, when I read my own old journal entries. (HOW precious this journal is – to have almost no memory of anything a day or two after it happened, and yet to be able to click back and see who I was a year or two ago.) My thoughts now are unclear. As for feelings – well – I kinda don’t have any right now!! I feel a bit like stone!! Only an overwhelming desire to reject the world and its brutal pointlessness, to act in a way that fully realises my ‘schizoid’ diagnosis and – um – well – to sleep really! In the eddying, meandering flow of the river of behaviour, I have been swept along from avoidant to schizoid by the currents of recent events. I never was much of a swimmer! I’ve got to turn this around :o( . . . PCd till early. (3/10)aa
7 - Terribly disturbed dream laden sleep. Finally gave up and got up around 8:30am after only around four hours sleep! Moved a couple of snails off the frog spawn in the pond . . .walked just in time to get caught in the rain . . . left Sally at home and drove in the torrential rain to Kingswood to do some shopping. Managed to find a free parking space only a short walk from the shops. Only intended on getting some bread (the real cheap 19p economy loaves), but couldn't resist loads of other 'reduced' stuff and ended up spending £17, filling my freezer to bursting point! . . .ML left an ansaphone message saying he now has his broadband internet connection and I was good to come have a look, like I'd said I wanted to . . . too tired to face starting anything on the living room building site so PCd this. Wow - took a few hours, wrestling with some of this stuff!! Got an 'itchy upload finger'!!!!! :o( This is some strong addiction! . . . slept . . .walked . . . BB called . . .TVd. (3/10)as
8 - Up just after 7am!? . . . called BB to touch base - eight hours time difference now! . . . walked and found 4p . . .left Sally at home and drove to 'Wickes' DIY store in Longwell Green. I'd seen mention of a diamond disc cutter on some TV DIY show or other and had figured it was maybe worth investing in, rather than keep buying the cheap ones that wear out real quick. Got the guy in the store to undo the padlock (!!!) on the display so I could read the blurb on the back of the packet. Seemed worth a go so paid the £19.99 - also got a 10 pack of the three meter lengths of conduit (£11.12) and had to drive home with them hanging out the back of the car. Got home and realised I'd forgotten to buy some dust masks so walked round to the local store and bought a couple . . . called Mum to touch base. She made it clear she was upset by the 'not in touch' schizoid gulf that has developed between me and Sis2 and said it was up to me to get in touch and make it right. She also said she disapproved strongly of me doing a journal website because she didn't want 'family' knowing all her personal business. Frankly, the conversation ended up making me feel, after mulling stuff over for hours, like I have no right to even exist let alone have any emotions, thoughts or feelings! Bad timing - I was starting to feel more in control of myself and thinking I'd had better call Sis2 and try and sort things - now I don't know how and aren't sure I can see the point in why, and am even less inclined to be in touch with Mum!!!! I don't feel the emotions I imagine I should - I just feel expenditure with no return. :o( . . . worked on the living room building site, cutting a channel up the alcove wall for the conduit. The new disc cutter worked real well but OH what a nasty filthy business!! Kept at it all day without a break and didn't stop work until around 7:30pm!! . . . Walked late after a quick shower. Just leaving the field and three kids walking up the street were throwing stones at the school hall windows! Weird how they just kinda did it in passing as though it was something they always did as they walked by! They didn't managed to break any. Couldn't resist a minor detour as I walked Sally back, just to see what else they may do. A car alarm was set off somewhere and then they disappeared so I think they live too close for comfort! . . . started trying to clear up some of the layers of dust on the floor with the vaccuum (for Sally's benefit). Left it running and popped into the kitchen for something, only to come back in and see a plume of thick grey smoke rising from the vaccuum!!!!!! Oh NO!!! Horrible smell that lingered for the rest of the evening! Guess I'll be buying a new vaccuum then! :o( . . . BB called . . . grabbed a sandwhich around 10pm and ended up going to bed early real soon after, absolutely exhausted! (3/10)
9 - Woke around 6:45am! . . . walked . . .balanced my accounts. Real close to being overdrawn, and figuring I'll need to be going out buying a vaccuum cleaner, rang up like normal to transfer some money over out of my savings. Couldn't believe it when a guy came on the phone and said they were having trouble with their system and I couldn't do so!!! He said he couldn't even log a customer complaint!!!!! Outrageous. Guess I wont be going shopping today then! . . .dabbled with the vaccuum and emptied as much of the brick dust out of it as I could and amazingly it started working. Incredible. I think it just kinda suffocated and heated up under the strain. I have no doubt it wont work for long though - nothing can get that smokey and just keep working . . . did some more work on the living room alcove and started cementing in a rebate to take all the power sockets and such . . . ran out of steam mid afternoon and slept for several hours . . .BB called . . . walked. Some nutcase roaring and screaching around the neighbourhood in what experience suggests was another stolen car. Actually felt scared walking Sally home having to cross several roads! . . . TVd/PCd till gone 3:30am. (3/10)s
10 - Terrible disturbed sleep!! Woken by Sally around 7:30am. Feeling pretty down!. . . walked. Sure enough there was a stolen burnt out car in the rugby club car park and tyre tracks in the mud of the field. Pretty ironic to then walk past the building site where they are building some new homes, and read the signs near the sales office announcing "A great place to live"!!!!?? . . . Guestbook entry saying 'stop the journal, pull yourself together and get a life'. Oh yes, of course - how silly of me not have thought of that! . . .tried to sleep the day away but largely failed and ended up just lying there feeling down for hours!! Eventually managed a couple of hours . . .BB called. Ended up getting on the PC and doing a bit of a 'helpline' act to get her webcam drivers installed on her new laptop. ML called to touch base . . . walked . . . TVd/PCd till early adding a couple of newly received pictures to the neglected school site. Real long, tough, nasty day, moodwise!! :o( . . . Barry Sheene died this day. (2/10)aa
11 - Up around 8:30am after only four or five hours sleep . . . walked and found a penny . . . sat looking at the building site and not feeling able to get on with any of it. Saved by the bell - SH called to touch base and see if the coffee was on. SH popped in for chats for the first time in ages. Resolved the 'ill feeling' that had arisen. He confirmed it looks as though his marriage has slipped away. Shame. Then PS popped in too! Blimey! I was like a sociable person there for a while . . . slept late afternoon for a couple of hours . . . returned Sis1s ansaphone call of the other day and said yes please to her offer of an old 'not much suck' vaccuum that you can't get the bags for anymore. Should be able to make 'some' use of it somehow for sucking up some brick dust and rubble - maybe!? BB called . . . touched base with Mum . . .walked in a hurry. Typical! Just when I want Sally to do her buisness real quick, she doesn't and I end up walking twice round the field all to no avail! She'll be all cross legged by tomorrow morning! . . .drove to Sis1, left Sally in the car and picked up the vaccuum and dabbled with her PC, successfully sorting out her 'I can't send mail' problem . . .returned home to find no parking space anywhere near the house and had to park right down the street and walk all the way back with the vaccuum and then return for Sally! Grrr! . . . confirmed the vaccuum works but really VERY little suck! . . . PCd this as a pizza heated in the oven . . . ate . . .TVd/PCd till early. Couldn't sleep till earlier and was still awake when next door was getting up to go to work around 5am!! (3/10)a
12 - Woken by Sally after only four hours sleep . . . walked . . . touched base with Mum to confirm I'd be popping down tomorrow. She said maybe some other day would be best because the water board were doing works tomorrow and the water would be off for much of the day. Agreed I'd go down some other time - suits me. I need to get on with this living room nightmare. . . skipped breakfast and started working on the living room around 11am. Used the angle grinder to cut grooves in the alcove wall for the sockets conduit. Took the electric sander to my bad plastering in the bay. Actually improved things quite a bit, but will still need some more attention. Dust absolutely everywhere!! Took the curtain track down to wash off the clogging brick dust, and put the curtains through the wash and hung them out to dry before eventually putting it all back up. Just managed to get them back up before darkness fell. Couldn't possibly have the light on in the room without curtains up and closed! Prepared the gap between the floor and the bay wall and painted on a first coat of bitumin damp proof treatment. Carried on without a break until around 7pm! . . . BB called. . . finished tidying up a bit, grabbed a quick shower and walked. Found 22p. Detoured for milk and treated myself to a kebab and chips takeway. Just like 'old times' - going without food all day until the day's work is done and then gorging on a kebab. :o) . . . TVd . . .painted on the second coat of damp proof treatment around 11pm - should be all ready for concrete by tomorrow. . . BB called . . . PCd briefly before bed around midnight. (3/10)a
13 - Woken by Sally at 7:30am . . .walked . . . poured a bit of concrete into the gap between the floor and the bay wall . . . did some chores . . . cooked up a mass of stew type stuff again . . . TVd . . .PCd and searched all over for pictures of fireplaces to give me some idea of what is possible and what I should be aiming for when I rebuild the collapsing front of mine. Seems like the in-thing is some expensive impressive old victorian type thing with mantels and tiles and such, which I really don't think would suit the room, or my pocket! Still fancy the idea of just an open hole where, just maybe in the future, I could make a small real fire maybe in some metal basket? Eventually managed to find a couple of pictures of simple brick firebreasts to give me food for thought. Even more food for thought when I found a site with a cutaway diagram of fireplace/flue construction. My chimney doesn't have a 'throat lintel'??!! Hmmm???. . . BB called . . . walked . . . PS popped round for chats till early . . . PCd briefly before bed around 3am. (3/10)as

14 - Woken by Sally around 8:30am . . . at last the forecast sunny weather has arrived. Drove Sally to the river Avon at Hanham for walks. Suddenly realised the ruined 'works' up in the woods could be a supply of the old style bricks I need. Scrabbled around in the undergrowth for a bit and ended up walking back carrying a couple of bricks (feeling like a criminal) as a 'test'. Heavy going for that distance but quite possible especially if I took a rucsac. Guess I don't need to worry about how many bricks I'll need anymore. :o) . . .took a picture or two of the living room and suddenly realised I could modify the pictures of the firebreast and cut and paste bricks around and such, to test out what I may plan to do, what looks best, where should the arch be, etc, etc. Brilliant!! Wish actually building it was that simple! Actually found a 'proper' use for the computer after all these years! :o) Messed around for ages and finally came up with a picture of what I'd been having SO much trouble with in my mind's eye! . . . called BB to touch base . . . fell asleep from around 2:30 to 6pm. . . woke up feeling really, REALLY ill!!!!!! Nasty headache, feeling disorientated, and almost every muscle in my body seemed to be in pain. Even my hair seemed to be hurting!!? I seem to be less healthy this year than I have ever been before!! Figured it was maybe some food posioning thing? To have come on so quick like that?. . .vomitted then walked! . . .sat around feeling cold and ill and not in the least hungry for anything in the house. Eventually persuaded myself to have some muesli and was just eating it when LB called seeking help with some creature or other the cats had brought in, which she thought was now under her floorboards!!? I REALLY didn't want to have to move but felt obliged to pop up and have a look for her. Apparantly something that could fly had been brought in and had somehow managed to squeeze through a gap and disappear into the upstairs floor!!! I could see or hear no trace of anything at all, so soon gave up and came back home to sit and feel ill some more! . . . to sleep around midnight. (3/10)a

The living room building site Fireplace as it is now!! PC mock up/plan?

15 - Gave up tossing and turning and got up around 6:30am. Still feel pretty rough! . . . yet another 'unpleasant' visitors book comment! It will never cease to amaze me how some people will actually go out of their way to be unpleasant to others. The ignorance of youth I guess in this case. I really don't think I was ever THAT ignorant no matter how young! . . . walked and found 52p . . .grabbed some breakfast and then sat for ages looking at the building site but not having the energy to do anything. Ended up going back to sleep for a few hours . . . woken around 1:30pm by Sis1 calling, wanting to know about how to attach pictures to e-mails! She seems to be enjoying this computer dating thing. . . still not feeling well but couldn't just sit looking at all the work I have to do, so started messing around with the firebreast. Managed to work around the existing cracked lintel and removed a couple of bricks and cut them and recemented them in place ready for the new arch, and without anything collapsing! Finished clearing up around 7:30pm . . . BB called. She was gonna watch a peace rally that was going past her hotel . . .walked and found 5p. Vandals have set fire to one of the poop scoop bins and it is all melted and stuck closed and surrounded by plastic bags of poop where people couldn't bin it! . . TVd . . . BB called to let me hear the peace march - not much peace and quiet about it! (3/10)aaa
16 - Woke around 6:30am again! Frosty out but yet another clear sky and beautiful sunrise . . .touched base with BB . . . walked and found a dog ball, a penny and a coffee mug!? . . . breakfasted then sat for ages doing nothing but look at all the work I have to do, and still feeling rather unwell! Eventually started doing just a little, and re-routed the TV/phone cables through the conduit I put in the wall and cemented up the temporary hole. Started having a look at the old lintel in the fireplace and soon came to the conclusion it actually wasn't doing anything at all, so nervously with great care I knocked it out. The old brick arch seems to be keeping things in place for the time being. . Mum called to touch base. . grabbed some lunch and then messed around for the rest of the day until early evening, using some old wood and making up a curved wooden frame for when I actually start to try and build my new brick arch. Gonna have to wait a day or two for some cement to dry before I can give it a go. . .PS called saying 'tonight?' - I said no, cause I'm still really not feeling so good. . . walked. Sis1 called on the mobile as I was sat on the bench over the field, wanting instructions on scanning and e-mailing photos. Called her back when I was home and tried to walk her through it. Very frustrating! . . . BB called to touch base . . . ate and TVd till early. (3/10)aaaa
17 - Up around 7am. Another beautiful sunny morning with frost on the ground. . . still not feeling well. Still all achy (when the Annadin tablets wear off) and most especially my right arm where I’m always throwing things for Sally to chase! Seem to have some weird sinus congestion thing going on now! Blowing my brains out!! . . . Scraped the ice off the windscreen and drove Sally to the River Avon at Hanham for walks. Took my rucksack, several plastic carrier bags, a hammer and a chisel! Scrabbled in the undergrowth and quickly gathered a collection of six bricks, wrapped them in the carrier bags and put them in my rucksack. Had to lie down on a slope to actually get the rucksack on my back!! REALLY heavy. Started walking back but ended up bent almost double and holding onto the rucksack because one of the seams had split within minutes of setting of! Very hot, heavy going! Stopped at a seat and took a couple of the bricks out of the bag and put them in my coat pockets instead. Had a brief look at the stolen, smashed up, burned out scooter that was dumped there. The whole front end had escaped the fire and the beautifully engineered mini upside down forks and brake calliper and disc was all still intact and as new. SUCH a terrible waste! It actually ‘hurts’ me when I see such things! Struggled on back to the car and managed to unload my hoard of bricks into the passenger foot well without attracting too much attention. I’d left my lights on!! Recovered from my exertions and also gave the battery a chance to recover, by sitting with a cigarette for a while. Thankfully the car started up no problem. . . cleaned the grime and old mortar off the bricks out in the garden. Succeeded in splitting one in two, so that was a wasted effort! . . . amazing weather – like a summers day. Sat in the sun for a while . . . PCd briefly . . . walked with Sally up to Kingswood. Got all paranoid and convinced myself that the two unsavoury looking characters parked just up the road in an old car were bound to break in having just seen me leave with Sally!? Accosted some poor guy further on, and asked if I could borrow his pen – wrote the number of the dodgy car on my hand just in case!!!! Drew out some cash and went in to buy a mothers day card. All the proper cards seemed to have real slushy words and didn’t fit how I feel at all, so I ended up getting a silly one instead. Hot walk home in summery weather. . . TVd and watched the news about how it looks as though America and Britain are going to attack Iraq on their own, in spite of a United Nations majority against!!!!!!! Very scary stuff. I am fearful. . . . grabbed a mass of sandwiches and fell asleep for a couple of hours, and slept on through my alarm. Eventually woken by BB leaving a message on the ansaphone. BB called back . . . walked all achy. Pleasant moonlit night . . . TVd and struggled to stay awake to watch President Bush’s speech to the American people around 1am. People are gonna die! :o( . . . PCd this. (3/10)aaaa
18 - Up around 7am again. Think I feel just a little bit better - throat isn't so sore. . . . grey cloud covered sky and felt rather cold. Walked and found 3p. . . spent ages in the garden cleaning bricks ready for use. Modified the wooden support I'd made for the fireplace arch, and punched in the nails I'd used and replaced them with screws. 'Should' make it easier to dismantle when it's all done. Spent the rest of the day positioning, wedging in place, and then cementing in the new brick arch below the existing one, which I can eventually remove and brick up when everything is set. Awkward, slow, worrying business. Finished up (at last!) around 6:30pm! Didn't work out quite like the PC mockup but it'll have to do. . . walked. Popped in the local store for milk and the nice guy was there and treated Sally to HUGE amounts of cold meat! More than I would eat in one go! . . . TVd . . . touched base with BB . . . TVd till late watching the news quite a bit. Big vote in the house of commons - Tony Blair succeeded in getting a comfortable majority in favour of going to war! (3/10)a
19 - Up around the 'usual' time again . . . another sunny, summer like day. We've had about a week of amazing weather now. . walked without a coat and in sunglasses and found a penny. Came face to face on the narrow sidewalk, with a woman walking with a small toddler. I just stopped in my tracks and looked in horror as the toddler, all smiling and gurgling, toddled up to Sally (who I think was actually taller!) and grabbed her nose with both hands!!!! Sally looked a bit uncomfortable but did nothing. Phew! Excellent. Goooood dog! :o) . Carried on walking up to the building society in Kingswood to deposit the few premium bond wins I had this month. Haven't had a win for ages. No longer a reasonable investment! Walking along and a car pulled up with the woman driver calling out my name!!!??? Umm? Errr? 'Remind me?' Turned out it was Sally's previous owner who we haven't bumped into for ages. She got out of her car and came on over for a chat and to make a fuss of Sally. Really funny at first when Sally didn't recognise her and went all ears down and unhappy at the approach. She soon clicked and went all waggy tailed. Oh how I'd love to know what goes on in her head. Apparantly the woman only has three dogs left now! One had back leg trouble and was put down, one other was sold. Ended up feeling lucky I'd ended up with Sally - apart from her intact killing instinct and the cat chasing problems and such, I really can't complain about her at all. I've been very lucky. :o) . . . left Sally at home and drove a car load of bags of rubble to the council tip. Just my luck that the huge skip for rubble was almost full and I had to use some small steps and lift each sack of rubble up to head height to be able to tip it into the skip! Hard work. Stopped for petrol on the way home (26ltrs - £20) . . sat in the sun in the garden doing nothing for ages. . . grabbed a bite to eat watching the news. Lots of school children had taken it upon themselves to walk out of schools all over the place and demonstrate against the war in Iraq!! Bizarre! Noble sentiments perhaps but I still think they should at least each be punished for playing truant!! . . . Ended up falling asleep for a few hours late afternoon. . . real difficulty waking up!? Could have happily slept for hours longer. . . TVd. Touched base with Mum and told her to watch the program I was watching - 'A Place In The Sun' and a couple looking to buy property in France for an amount which would be in my ballpark if I sold the house. Amazing property they ended up putting an offer in for. A huge watermill with several other properties attached and all for only around £50k!!!!! SO tempting! . . .walked late. Beautiful evening, with a huge low moon in the clear starry sky. Wish we had more weather like this. . . BB called . . . did some chores . . . TVd. Ended up eating late after midnight!! TVd till around 1:30am watching the news. An eery quiet seems to have descended before hostilities commence! (4/10)a
20 - Up around 8am . . .apparantly there was some 'surgical' bombing in Iraq around 2:30am! Walked and found a penny. Sally got all the way around the field in the sun and then took it upon herself to wallow in the big muddy puddle and got absolutely plastered in thick, stinking mud!!! Dragged her home, tied her up on the patio and gave her a serious hosing down! We both ended up about as wet and muddy! Grrrrrr! That's half the morning gone! . . . drove to the DIY store for three more bags of sand and one of cement . . . did some chores and ended up with washing drying out on the line, which made any mixing of cement out in the garden, pretty impossible. Ended up unable to face doing anything on the building site. Living in such a mess for so long is getting me down - and I seem to be losing touch with the passage of the days. Each new day is just another day to be all dirty and dusty and mixing cement - and I don't want to be!! :o( Just sat in front of the TV news channel pretty much all day watching the developments in Iraq!! . . . fell asleep for a couple of hours . . . walked . . . BB called . . . TVd the news channels until gone 1am. (3/10)ss
21 - Up before 7am. . .walked and found 2p . . . figured I had to make up for yesterdays inactivity on my living room building site so skipped breakfast and got on with things. Ended up tackling the firebreast and chased a groove between bricks with the angle grinder and rammed in a piece of angle iron as a temporary support. Used the drill to excavate the dusty mortar between the bricks below it and eventually removed the old brick arch without the house collapsing. Uh oh - looks as though I've worn out another drill!!! It'd been showing signs of wearing out for a while but I think the latest abuse has seen it's last days. The gears are slipping inside and the chuck is no longer driven! Bet it's just a worn bush like on the old one. Nothing for it - gonna have to buy a new one - can't do without a hammer action drill. . skipped lunch and kept working all day and eventualy managed to cement up the gap above my new arch and remove the temporary angle iron. My brickwork ended up a bit 'wonky', but I expected no better since the old brickwork I'm trying to match seems to have a mortar thickness between some of the bricks of in excess of half an inch, and much more in places!!!?? It'll do. I figure if any of the wonkiness looks too bad on the eye, I can render and comesmetically re-dress the lines with the angle grinder. When I've pointed out similar wonkiness in brickwork in Sis1s house she has replied 'that isn't wonky - it's 'rustic'! I'll settle for a rustic firebreast - I think it'll look ok when it's all painted over, just so long as it stays up there! . . . BB called not feeling well! . . .cleared up and cleaned up by around 7:30pm! . . . had this crazy idea as I was working all day. All the bags of dirt and dust I take to the council tip - if I took out the rubble, the 'dust' would be a good thing to fill in the huge muddy puddles over the field!! Couldn't shake the idea no matter how crazy and ended up loading up my rucsac with a huge bag of dirt when I walked. Slow heavy going but eventually reached the field and under cover of darkness, and having checked there was no one around, I dropped the rucasack to the floor near the biggest puddle. As I did so, the shoulder strap on the straining bag broke!! So much for my cheap rucksack! Poured the sack of dirt into the puddle in a cloud of dust, feeling SO guilty and expecting to be arrested for 'fly tipping' at any moment! The puddle swallowed it up without trace. Slipped in the mud and SO nearly ended up falling into the pond like puddle. Ended up walking off into the drakness, my deed done, laughing out loud at how rediculous an excercise it all was. . . finally ate after 9pm watching the news. Truly 'awesome' footage of smart-bomb attacks on Bahgdad. :o( . . . touched base with BB . . . exhausted to bed around 11:30pm (4/10)
22 - Woken by Sally before 7am . . .PCd this . . .walked in the sun and found 3p. . . took my drill apart and cleaned all the dust and grime off it, only to discover that no repair is possible. The main rotor shaft has a spline which fits into a gear in a small greased gearbox. It has actually worn largely away!! I suspect it has happened because of the way I abuse the drill and put an inappropriate sideways pressure on the drill bits I use, to chase out my dusty mortar between brick courses. Nothing I can do about it. Need to buy a new one! :o( . . . bit the bullet and, despite the inevitable terrible duty mess that would result, used the angle grinder to chase out all the mortar from the front of the firebreast. Shut Sally safely out back and spent hours with the front door open for air, wearing a dust mask and goggles making a HUGE mess. Had to stop on several occasions because I just couldn't see what I was doing, SO thick was the cloud of dust hanging in the room!! Damn dust mask didn't fit too well either! Guess that is why you never see service personel with beards - cause they need a good seal on their gas masks! Think I need to be washing the curtains again pretty soon! . . . grabbed a pile of sandwhiches mid afternoon and had real trouble getting going again afterwards - really wanted to just lie down and sleep! Eventually managed to force myself to mix up a little cement and started the long laborious task of repointing what I'd ground out. Only managed to do a couple of layers of bricks before time ran out and it was nearing Sallys walk time. Cleared and cleaned up a little. Weighed myself after my shower - uh oh! Seem to have lost a bit of weight - under 140lbs!! Need to eat more! . . . walked and took two carrier bags of dust with me to deposit in a puddle. Over the field a group of youths were hanging around in the dark and I couldn't dump my dust in the big muddy puddle in case I was seen. Ended up dumping it in another one, further off, which after all this recent good weather was actually dry. Hope it isn't windy before the next rain or it'll be blown all over the neighbourhood! Looks a bit obvious too!! . . Sat in the dark on my usual seat for a cigarette before heading back. Crossing the field, Sally veered off and went to investigate something laying on the grass. It was a mountain bike!! There was no one around and it was just dumped there. Other than the missing chain it appeared to be in pretty good shape. Crazy! Carried on walking home but began to agonise about what a terrible waste it was to leave it lying there like that, knowing from experience that by the next evening it would probably have been jumped up and down on by some idiot vandals and turned into a heap of junk. Half way home I ended up turning around and walking all the way back to get it! I sure didn't want it, but I just couldn't leave it there! Walked home with Sally - and a mountain bike!!!!! Felt VERY guilty and self conscious. . . got the bike indoors and had a quick look at it. 'Apollo' make, 22" wheels, chuncky off road tyres, 10 speed 'shimano' gears - all there and apparently working, except for the chain!!!? Pushed it out into the back garden and left it for some other time. I'm gonna have to go over that frame with a magnifying glass and see if I can find any trace of a postcode, like they stamp on these days in case of theft. If I can find one, I guess I'll have to drop it off at a police station - if not, I suppose I'll keep it and have to find somewhere to store it until I have time to play with it and try and buy a chain . . . BB called . . .TVd but felt SO exhausted, ended up in bed before 11:30pm.(4/10)a
23 - Woke around 6:45am . . .TVd and became transfixed by the live TV footage of an ensuing battle in Umm Qasr!!! Mind boggling I can be safely sat in front of my TV and see such horrific things as they occur! . . . walked and found 6p. Had a look around the field for the bike chain but no sign of it . . .PCd this . . .removed my temporary wooden arch support and knocked out all the old rubble from the actual fireplace opening, dressed up a few of the new bits of brickwork with the angle grinder for aesthetics, and then spent the rest of the day repointing the rest of the front of the firebreast! Slow work. These old bricks are in such a state that each individual one, needs attention, filling, and a dressing of cement to make it look ok!!! Uh oh - seem to have worn my hands out again! All rough, cracked, cut, dry, bleeding and sore!!! May need to have a break from all this work just to let them repair. They are SO rough, I no longer need a brush to groom Sally, and when I stroke her my hands get covered in her hair which I cant let go of!!?. . spent much of the day with the news channel on. A terrible day - modern media enables one to see things that no one should ever have to see - death, destruction, prisoners, etc, etc! Horror. . . walked . . . touched base with BB . . . PS popped round for chats till early. (4/10)as
24 - Up around 7:30am . . . walked . . . planned on having a light day, so dug out a pair of old rubber gloves to protect my aching hands and set about doing just a 'little' cementing, which I figured would only take an hour or so. Somehow it was mid afternoon before I'd finished so I ended up doing some more! Spent a ridiculous amount of time cutting up a couple of slivers of brick with the angle grinder, to fill up the awkward gaps beneath the new fireplace arch. Just another day on the building site!! Uggh! Haven't worked on the house like this since I was in my twenties. Wish I'd done all this work back then. Every day is slipping into the next and I'm kinda losing touch with the outside world a bit!. . walked and deposited a carrier bag of dirt into my private landfill puddle. Suspicious goings on in the dark with a bunch of kids hiding next to a hedge with a motorcycle!? . . . BB called . . . TVd till late. (4/10)s
25 - Up just after 7am. Foggy out. . .walked. Something weird in the field!? Walked on over to have a look and it turned out to be two large forced open suitcases of someones clothes and photos and bits and pieces!!! Obviously stolen and dumped!! Knew something wasn't right last night! Had a quick look at any bits of paper I could find, resisting the inevitable 'looting' urge. Seemed to belong to some coloured guy from down in Easton. Felt weird and intrusive to be looking at his photos of some get together or other he'd had with children, friends or family. I couldn't just walk away cause it was school time and loads of mindless kids were milling around, so I figured I'd call the police and then hang around and make sure no one messed with any of it, and wait until they showed up to take the stuff away. Now that Dad has gone I've kinda got out of the habit of walking everywhere with my mobile on - as I was making the report to the police my batteries ran out and I was cut off!! As luck would have it a police car soon drove by and I leapt up and shouted and waved but it just kept on driving!!! Interestingly as it did so, a large group of (older looking) 'kids' that had been hanging around near the school all started running away! They're ALL up to 'something' around here! Thankfuly the police car ended up turning around up the street and driving back past so I was able to run out into the street and flag it down. Apparantly their presence had nothing to do with my report and they knew nothing of it!! I showed them where all the stuff was and the bits of paper I'd found which indicated who's it all was, and left them to it. Grabbed a quick picture as I left . . .washed the curtains (again! - absolutely black!!) and cleaned up a little. I think today I WILL have a day off from the living room building site - feel as though I've earned it. The collapsing fireplace/arch nightmare is largely resolved . . . PCd this . . .touched base with Mum. . . walked Sally in the sun down to the boating lake at Eastville park only to find it was a building site!! Apparently they are 'improving' the area - the old boat house and pill box like sitting area had been knocked down and removed, the water had been drained to a pool of thick mud, all the bushes and undergrowth on the two small bird islands had been cut down, diggers were scooping up mud, etc - an AWFUL mess!! Such a shame! Carried on along the river and eventually back via Vassals Park and Fishponds. Found 5p. Stopped in a cycle shop to ask how much a chain would be for the bike I'd found - around £15 fitted. Guess that is why they dumped it then - you can actually buy a new bike somewhat similar for only around £50 in some places with special offers. Bumped into JO and his wife near their house and had a short chat . . . touched base with LB/Sis1 . . . walked and found 2p. Stopped for a faggot peas and chips takeaway on the way home . . . touched base with BB . . . TVd but so very tired, in bed before 10:30pm! (4/10)s
26 - Woken by insistant Sally around 4am!!! Couldn't figure out why she was so restless - let her out into the garden but she didn't want to go? Tried going back to bed but time and again Sally jumped on the bed acting as though she needed to go out!?? Eventually gave up and got up around 6:30pm. Grrrrrrr. . . drove to the River Avon at Hanham for walks. Seems like Sally has another bad tummy - pooping all over the place!! Couldn't resist coming home with another brick in each pocket, from the ruins in the woods! . . . checked on the garden and found that Sally HAD pooped out there earlier on when I'd got up. So THAT was why she insisted on me getting up - she had a bad stomach and needed to go poop real bad and would do anything rather than do so in the house. What an excellent dog. :o) . . . mixed up a little cement and trowelled it in to the corner of the alcove, attempting to create a vertical line to aim for. Couldn't stomach watching the news all day again as I worked, so tuned the cable TV into the new digital radio station I've recently discovered. I guess it's an age thing but I don't seem to be able to listen to any radio stations these days that play stuff I can stand listening to for long - and definitely not that nasty abusive/agressive gangster rap stuff!! Not that was, until I discovered Planet Rock! (listening online as I PC this.) Doing dusty DIY on the house and listening to all the good old rock classics - it's like reliving my youth!! Excellent. :o) I'm eager to rediscover some of my music collection but daren't unpack any of it until all this dusty work is done - there's a layer of brick dust on everything ALL over the house!! As for my lungs - well, that's a whole nother story!! Funny to think that this work I'm doing on the house, will probably outlive me . . . ate and ended up falling asleep for a few hours until early evening . . . walked . . . touched base with BB . . . TVd/PCd before bed around 1am after having set the alarms for an early rise. (4/10)
27 - Disturbed nights sleep then up with the alarm around 5:45!! . . . walked early and found a penny . . .got myself all sorted and then loaded up the car and managed to get over with Sally to pick Sis1 up a little after 9am . . .sunny/misty drive down and arrived at Mums around midday. Coffee and chats. Mum seems to be doing 'ok' as best as one can tell. She'd even been encouraged by Sis2 to go out and have a coffee in a cafe in town, on her own! Had to admire that - sitting on your own in a cafe can be - um - 'hard' at the best of times, never mind after a lifetime of having a companion. Good luck to her. . . had a look at the library book Mum had (various personal accounts of dealing with brain tumors) , and read the two stories she'd bookmarked. VERY familiar stuff (pulled a bit on the heart strings) - one in particular very much along the lines of the experiences with Dad. With hindsight I suspect that Dad had been 'changing' as a result of his tumor, long before anyone knew - I'd just put it down to him getting old . . . wanted to get it out of the way so I could then relax, so spent a couple of hours going through all the paperwork Mum had put to one side for me to check out for her. Sis1 took the opportunity and walked down into Brixham to shop. Mum seemed to be on top of it all (despite being a little confused about this or that) and everything seemed to be in order and taken care of pretty much. Excellent. Eventually filed most of the papers as appropriate and then called Sis1 on the mobile and agreed to meet her in town for a coffee. Left Sally in the garage and drove down with Mum and met up with Sis1 and went in the cafe for a coffee. .Couldn't resist having a look in a few charity shops as we wandered back to the car and ended up going a little crazy in the McMillan shop. A sign announced that all clothes were only £1!!!!!! For that price I couldn't resist a thick leather coat and another, puffa style 'C&A' feather filled coat!! Rediculous they would sell such stuff for SO little! Sis1 initialy didn't want to go in there but ended up coming out with a carrier bag of bits and pieces too! :o) . . . picked up Sally from the garage and then all drove down to Battery Gardens for a sit on our usual seat and to let Sally run around a little. It was a bit early (around 6pm) but I figured it would do for her evening walk since we were up and out so early this morning. . . stopped off at Mums and ended up trying on my coats and such. The puffa coat was ok but the zip sure was stiff - looked as though it had hardly been worn and just needed use. The leather coat was weird. I just couldn't seem to do it up - turned out it actually had a left handed zip!!!!?? Didn't know there was such a thing!? Not sure I can live with that - but for the loss of £1 - who cares. . . left Sally in the garage and all drove to the inn at Churston for a meal. Mum had made a 7 o'clock table reservation. Some confusion over where we were sitting because there was another reservation in the name of Jones! Common as muck! Eventually ended up at the correct table and had a most excellent roast beef carvery meal - self service of the veg. so managed to load my plate up 'at least' four inches high with roast potatoes and such and ate a HUGE amount with lashings of gravy! Despite feeling a bit ill and wanting real bad to immediately go to sleep, I was unusually persuaded to have a dessert and ended up having a delicious huge portion of chocolate fudge cake on top! And there is a war on!!?!!!! Almost ready to leave when all of a sudden the fire alarm went off! Absolutely incredible how no one (except us) moved. Ok it DID turn out to be a false alarm (something to do with the chefs unfamiliarity with a new oven and having burned something with lots of smoke) but if it had been for real, some of those people who just sat at their tables looking amused WOULD have perished for sure! People really are very weird and nonchalant about such things. I've seen enough reality TV to know that if a fire alarm goes, you don't dilly dally, you get out REAL quick. What was that American bar fire recently caught on video where loads of people died - when a place goes up for real, it is quick as hell! Mum paid for the meal and we left . .sat in front the TV and chatted for a bit. Mum was quite talkative (-/content removed post 19th April 03 /-). I sat quietly and let her, without much comment. I feel somewhat different about 'some' of it . . . retired to the garage and fed Sally. All of a sudden out in the garden she rushed off across the lawn, obviously having spotted something. Turned out to be a hedghog!! :o) Dragged her away from it (I'd seen her flinch as her nose was pricked! :o) ) and called Mum/Sis1 to come have a look at the little cutey, as it sauntered off under a tree. Later on it appeared again snuffling around the lawn, so I went and sat on the garden bench holding onto Sallys collar and we both watched until it climbed up a bank and out of the garden. . . coffee and chats but so, SO tired and full of food, that I ended up in the garage and sleeping before 11pm.(4/10)a
28 - Up around 6am!!. . .touched base with BB . . . walked the long 'Pooh Lane' walk in a little light drizzle. Spotted a male pheasant in the hedge and ended up having a good look at it from less than six feet. Amazing colours . . . messed around with the coats I'd bought yesterday and managed to take the ends off the left handed zip on the leather coat and turn them around and make it a normal right hand zip. Lubricated the stiff zip on the other coat. Mum got into the spirit of things and dug out some solvent and polish and stuff and managed to remove almost all traces of a biro mark on one of them . . .made a phone call or two and helped Mum fill out the confusing income tax form she'd been sent, and then polished off the last of her outstanding paperwork filing . . . went through some of Dad's things that Mum was sorting through to get rid of. Most is not my size so there wasn't much worth having but I ended up with a carrier bag full of hats and shirts and such nonetheless. Mum also produced a carrier bag of chocolate easter eggs for me and Sis1!! . . .checked out the electric drill Dad had in the garage that Mum said I could borrow since mine had broken. Unfortunately no reverse and more importantly no hammer action so I think I'm gonna have to buy myself a new one. Borrowed Dads anyway for the time being . . . chats and coffee and then spent a while trying to load the car up - rather a squeeze with all my and Sis1s stuff and leaving the back seats down for Sally to have room to sleep. Managed in the end - just! . . . hugs and goodbyes around 2pm. Mum tried to pay for petrol but with Sis1s assistance (we'd altready discussed it) we adamantly refused and explained that we weren't gonna be 'paid to visit' any more. After all - she always pays for the meals! Felt kinda sad watching Mum standing out there alone, to wave goodbye to us! :o( Actually felt as though it had been a fairly pleasant visit. Kinda 'reset' some of the 'bad' feelings from the last time we were there . . . stopped for petrol (18.54ltrs - £15) and then hit the busy roads. Dropped Sis1 off and stopped briefly to have a quick look at her broken lawn mower. Nothing obviously wrong with it - gonna need more investigations with a multimeter and such - and really I haven't the time!! Took the couple of single duvets Sis1 had managed to get for me (they were buying new where she works and throwing the old away) , for Sally to lie on. Borrowed a bunch of 'Ideal Homes' type magazines to try and get ideas for decor, lighting etc, in my living room when the work is finally all done. . . stopped off for milk and then home and unloaded by around 5:30pm. Touched base with Mum and confirmed safe arrival. Told her of Sis1s idea that she should come up for the day and join in the 'family' buffet get together she's planning. . . walked. Someone had left some sort of hooded fleece thing laying on the grass in the middle of the field!? Figured I'd give it a wash and probably donate it to a charity shop - I'm not keen on the logo it has embroidered on it - "Phat Bastard Athletics"!!!? If it said phin instead of phat, maybe I'd wear it. :o) Stopped for sausage and chips takeaway on the way home . . . BB called . . . TVd but SO exhausted, ended up in bed and immediately to sleep around 10:30pm!. (4/10)as
29 - Up before 7am . . . walked . . .PCd this . . . walked with Sally up to the building society in Kingswood to draw out some money to buy a new drill. Found 3p. Seemed to be really busy out with people milling around all over the place! Retreated back home. . . felt all lacking in energy and ended up falling asleep all afternoon until around 6:30pm!! Wasted the day! . . . walked. Briefly detoured to help a toad cross the road. Sotted another (maybe the same one?) on the way home and relocated it to my pond, which seems to be full of dead or dying spawn!!! :o( . . . BB called . . . TVd/PCd till early. (4/10)a
30 - Up around 8am (the clocks have changed) after only around 4 hours sleep!! . . . walked and found 5p . . .touched base with Mum and wished her happy mothers day . . .cemented some of the living room alcove wall . . .too late for a proper sleep so set the alarm and slept for an hour . . . walked Sally in near daylight - first daylight evening walk this year! Nice. . .touched base with BB . . . PS popped round for chats till early. (4/10)s
31 - Up after 8:30am . . . BB called . . . walked and found 2p . . . left Sally at home and drove to get 3 (x£1) more bags of sand and 1 (x£2.49) of cement and a new electric drill. Browsed in a couple of shops before deciding to buy a cheap and nasty one rather than an expensive nice one - I figure the way I abuse them doing all this building work, I may as well get through a couple of cheap ones rather than ruin one expensive good one. Ended up buying a 'P - Performance - FMTC760HD', 760 watt, variable speed, switchable reverse, hammer action, 13mm chuck, etc. for £17.98 from B&Q. Actually at that price, I could get through four for the price of one good one!! VERY cheap and nasty design - especially the incredibly flimsy and breakable plastic reverse lever! If it breaks too soon I may invest in a more expensive one I saw that seems to have a built in electric/pneumatic chisel setting as well!? Didn't know they did drills with such a thing! Clever - maybe? . . . sat in the sun in the garden and immediately ran out of steam and ended up just sitting, feeling absolutely exhausted (as ever!!?). Couldn't even muster the energy to try out the new drill to make sure it works! . . . fell asleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Woken by the alarm around 7pm! . . . walked and found 2p . . . PCd this . . .TVd. (3/10)as
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